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Am I co-dependant???
August 20, 2003
3:52 pm
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Anonymous
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I didn't know what co-dependancy was until someone told me they were co-dependant. I have a really unique situation. I married someone who has self-esteem problems, sleeping disorders, feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I got tired of trying to help and left. The separation has been hard but I feel relieved. I met someone new who told me up-front he is co-dependant and working on this issue. I decided to do research to see what it meant and how I could handle a relationship with a recovering co-dependant. After reading about symptoms and situations I am wondering if I am co-dependant. This is so confusing. I was raised to think that I couldn't count on anyone but myself. My mother has always been controlling, or tried to and our relationship is not good because I have always tried to steer clear from that. I have noticed however that I tend to be attracted to men who have "problems" I always feel I can help or make things better for them. Maybe be the difference in their life they needed to succeed. I am very responsible. I like order. I am not shy about communicating and expressing my feelings. In relationships I do feel that I need lots of physical affection. I am very thoughtful as far as gift giving and trying to do what the other person likes, but I always expect to get that same treatment in return and get very hurt when I don't. I like this person I have met. I need to figure out if it will be disastrous for me to try a relationship with him if it will be destructive for the both of us. I thought that because he felt he needed lots of affection and I was the same way we could compliment each other. Now I am not so sure. Help!

August 20, 2003
4:00 pm
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>> I thought that because he felt he needed lots of affection and I was the same way we could compliment each other. < < my opinion is that, the thirst for affection doesnt stop in co-dependent people, so that may be a problem. maybe i'm co-dependent as well.

August 21, 2003
2:58 am
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araisk, Boy, do I hear you. It is confusing...and if 80% of all people are co dependant then maybe thats a clue. I am finally figuring out why I surround myself with needy people. I need to please myself, but I am giving up a huge part of my life that I am happy with if I move on. A joint business, etc. I am really torn up about everything and confused.

But I agree, when there is so much good in a relationship, you wonder where do you draw the line between normal and not normal, when 80% are not normal? If the discription of codependant fits so many, the odds don't look too good do they, to find a new...?

Anyone else want to try explain? I'm also trying to get a step further.

August 21, 2003
11:31 am
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I'm just afraid of getting into a new relationship with someone like that, and I don't mean it in a derrogatory way. My ex put me through a lot. This new guy has been so honest and upfront about his problem, and is currently seeking help/treatment to overcome it. I don't want ot hold it against him but I'm just scared.
I hate being in a place where I have to wonder about myself. I have always thought I was a mentally and emotionally stable person. After reading and doing research I figured, wow! Maybe I have these issues.
You definately can not stay with someone just motivated by what you will loose materially. I was in a very comfortable position and I just had to get it. It comes downs to your mental and emotional sanity over living a comfortable lifestyle. You can't compromise that. Life it too short to live it unhappy. You have to pull strength from within and believe in yourself. Know that you can move on and be better without this person and the pain they bring into your life.

August 21, 2003
7:07 pm
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I know araisk, I was groping for strings. Mine is very complicated and we had a few strikes against us before we even met. Its amazing how love blinds us from so much. No obsticle was too high, we were determined to make it work. It felt so good.
Quote:
"I hate being in a place where I have to wonder about myself. I have always thought I was a mentally and emotionally stable person. After reading and doing research I figured, wow! Maybe I have these issues. You definately can not stay with someone just motivated by what you will loose materially" < you said this, and I have to agree. My situation more complicated than most.I started reading and WOW a new page in the book for me! I always thought I was strong and level headed. All of a sudden I am weak, emotionally drained and in limbo. All I can say is if you are seeing red flags, don't let the passion cloud that. The problem with that advice, is sometimes the red flags arent even there and we are paranoid and become perfectionists, looking for something impossible, so do we spend the rest of our lives looking for the perfect "impossible" relationship?! I don't know where to draw a line on this. When two people have faults and behavioral problems, does that mean they are doomed? I wish I knew...should we all run? I just dont know.

August 27, 2003
12:34 am
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I never knew that I was co-dependent. My husband died when the children were 15 and 5, so I had my hands full. I never asked for help becayse I could do it myself. After they were gone I felt like I had to search for someone to help. I can't seem to break away from being a co-dependent. My last boyfriend has major health problems and I was always there. Now I need help and he's not there for me, so I took a walk and never looked back, but I worry like crazy. Does this get any easier?

August 27, 2003
4:17 pm
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I am new to this and I am just tring to figure out if I am co-dependant. I am 24yrs old and have 2 kids. I have a mother and sister that say I am thier strength, when ever things are bad they call me and I am 800 miles away from them, but even then I feel I am obligated to figure something out for them and find ways to provide for them... does this mean that I am co-dependant or not??????????

August 31, 2003
12:39 am
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