Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Am I being oversenstive maybe?
August 30, 2007
9:35 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We are new in a very small southern town in the united states, we are trying our best to assimiaate in a differnt enviroment, it seems nice here, quiet and peaceful and for the most part there is hardly any crime here.

My daughter is on a local community cheerleading team, and its not going too well. The other girls are very close and most are related to each other. She is not really being approached and she has tried to break in some very admirable ways, she is very outgoing and kind and I really don't understand why she is having this problem, since me and her dad go to all her practices, we see it, we see her sorta of the shaft. We don't know if she should go back, one girl even got mean with her and the rest stood by her, even the couch thought it was mean, but she said nothing and just changed the subject and told the other girl to share. A few of them are very close knit and I seen them out one girl and talk bad behind her back...she is def not accepted, has some add issues but otherwise is very sweet but not a good influence on my child either. So what do I do? I am so lost, don't want her to keep going and feel so alienated but I do want her to grow and learn to get along.

She is very pretty and very kind hearted, I think it works aganist her some ways here. Anyone who can kindly give me some advice, I would so much appreciate it! she has been sick for three days and missed school and pratice. She may want to go today after school. I just don't want an ugly situation to grow worse.

Thank you all~

August 30, 2007
10:59 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Its just so sad to me that I can't even be a good role model for my child and know what to do when situations like this arise, I just go numb, get scared and do nothing...i hate this bout me, I just so often get embrassed cause i just don't know what to say or do in these kind of social settings.

August 30, 2007
11:26 am
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well Survivor,
I guess that kind of behavior is all apart of being a teenager in this day and age.
Girl, especially can be really mean.
Your daughter is going to have to find her own way and her own friends.
Let her know that she shouldn't have to change just in order to be friends with other people. Always talk with your daughter so that she can feel that she can come to you and talk with you about matters that are bothering her.
It is even tuff even as an adult to make friends. But I truly believe that out of all of the girls there at that school, she will find one that she will be able to call a friend.
When you is the new girl at a school or a community, you is call a threat, maybe you is real pretty, maybe all of the boys is trying to talk with her but what ever it is, it want last long until someone else new comes along.
And Mom, there is not to much that you can do so don't beat yourself up in trying to figure out the solution. Our kids have to face the world out there someday and there are alot of people out there in this world. As much as we try to protect our childrens, one day they will be an adult.
Nappy!

August 30, 2007
11:49 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((nappy, thank you:))))

August 30, 2007
12:04 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Survior,

Many hugs back at you ((((Survivor))))

You are a caring mother and your daughter will appreciate that one day.
Then who knows when she become an woman, she will recognize that her first real friend was her mother (smile)
Nappy

August 30, 2007
12:07 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I hope so nappy, I hope so! Thank you again so much!!!!

August 30, 2007
12:32 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Moving is always an ajustment especialy for kids.

What is your daugher saying or feeling about all this?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

August 30, 2007
1:36 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

She is not too happy but we had no choice but to move. My husbands job was going to change to 100 percent travel and the area was too expensive to live in and we were struggling to stay afloat in a home just under 200 grand...only area we could afford was very violent and getting drug ridden by the day. We wanted to raise her somewhere safe and small town like, I hope I did the right thing here.

August 30, 2007
1:38 pm
Avatar
Lisa Ann
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I might have missed this along the lines somewhere - but how old is your daughter? If she is a teenager, that is totally normal for girls. It seems like when a new girl enters the picture, and hasn't grown up with these girls their entire life, they are some sort of threat or something. I am a female, but I don't think I'm totally wired like one. I enjoy and get along better with men than I do with women. Not even just teenagers, but women in general seem to be very difficult people and like to do evil things to make others hurt. No offense to women out there, but that is something I have noticed over the years - through high school as well as my professional jobs. It's really too bad that we are wired differently, but it's a painful thing to go through, that's for sure.

I agree with what Nappy said, you need to talk to her and make sure she realizes that they are wrong, but she is better than that and she should never stoop to their level and behave like they are behaving.

If this is causing her to be sick, it might be good to remove her from the situation and focus on making new friends that will not cause this type of pain. I think that in cheerleading, there is always competition to be popular, and it's easier to be mean to anyone who threatens that popularity.

Also, you mentioned going to her practices. I am a parent, but my daughter plays volleyball. I do not go to her practices because I used to be a coach and did not appreciate parents at my practices. I don't mind once in a while, but I felt it was distracting to the girls, if their parents were there. I'm not sure of this, but it's just a thought, maybe the other girls are jealous that you are there watching your daughter and their parents are not. Girls can become mean and evil for all sorts of reasons, usually because they are jealous about something.

I truly feel bad for you because I remember going through things like that, as well as raising a daughter of my own. I tell you what, if I were to ever have any more children, I'm praying they are boys :o)

Best of luck to you!

August 30, 2007
1:44 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Survivor,
Nappy is bang on! Your daughter has to find her own way in this new place. Allow her to talk about it and encourage her to try and talk to all other people not just the cheerleaders. Cheerleaders let to be rather clicky as it is so it will be hard to be accepted right away. I undestand how hard it must be for you as a mother. You want to protect her from all kinds of hurts but she has to learn to negotiate these life situations.

Hang in there.

August 30, 2007
1:49 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lisa Ann,

Thank you for your thoughtful and very insightful letter to me! Oh its so appreciated at this time in my life and hers too. I am excatly like you and I never had but one female friend who was kind and did not hurt me, there is something bout a gang of women that just scares me to death, my own personal experiences were horrible growing up but I do realize I am not her and she is her own person and I try to remember that too~!

I am afraid to leave her there alone, for one its right on the interstate, outside and the coach seems to be overwhelmed with some of them just taking off and wandering about. Me and My hubby often sit way back, she even requested we do this and we have...but its out in a parking lot, lots of people just hanging round in their cars, a strange place and etc...would scare me to leave her alone there, she is nine btw and yes she is very beautiful not to sound like I am bragging here, but she is and I think alot of girls hate that about her, and to top it off, she speaks her mind, she is kind but she is very much her own person and she prolly does threathen others, she is so much more than I ever was even at 18...she has a very sharp quick mind, opinions to the hilt and she is not afraid to show it. I have tried to tell her to be more suttle but its not her, this is who she is here, and yet she is kind, but don't mess with her, you know? I was sooo differnt, I cried at the sight of my own shadow!

I may have to pull her off the team, if it goes bad tonight but with her migraines she might not go anyhow, so we will see here. I also don't want to control her and make her decisions, she gets mad at me so I try to pick my battles.

I never knew havig a child would trigger so much from my past and that my hurt and pain would rub off onto her, I try not to let that happen, but it does. I just want her to be happy, to accepted, like I never was in life, I want her to be happy, but I know she has to do this on her own to some degree too, and being as crippled as I am in from my abusive home, its sometimes overwhelms me. Add to what just happened here and how that had triggered crying spells here, I am just a mess but will be ok now, i know have someone to go and people who listen, thank you Lisa (((safehugs)))

August 30, 2007
2:05 pm
Avatar
Lisa Ann
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are welcome, I'm happy to know that I can help others in knowing that I understand and have been through it too. You sound like a wonderful mother and that is the most important thing for your daughter to have right now - a loving, caring mother. You are right, don't try to live your past out through her, it will only bring pain to both of you. My daughter is so much stronger than I was when I was that age too, I LOVE IT!!! She can handle herself anywhere and she has so many friends. People seem to love to be around her. I am so happy. Somewhere along the line, I did something right. I find that by teaching my daughter values and morales, she can do the rest. She has chosen the path that I have prayed she would, but I let her do that herself. I have never interferred in her relationships with friends - I have listened to her vent, and gave her a shoulder to cry on, but I have never interferred. She is a strong girl, and it sounds like your daughter is too. She will be just fine - it's just too bad that "girls" have to behave like "girls" sometimes :o)

August 30, 2007
3:22 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I just found out that is has been cancelled till next tuesday...so we hvae time, but it does bother me that the coach barely talks to me and when she does, you can tell she rather not, it is a very close knit community here and we are new and i guess that is how it goes. We tried really hard to be supportive and even pitched in ALOT for the fundraisers and did more than we really had too, cause we are trying to be supportive here, but you can tell, that we don't have accents and I am very much the liberterian and even advertise it on my car, however I am very tolerate of others and I am generally very friendly and never had met so many people who seem genuinelly afraid of me and something here. I met a person from around here, who owns a large retail shop and she pulled me aside and told me that we will not be very weloomed here and that is the truth and then she said well, you know I am from here but I hate to tell you that people here are just not really accepting of outsiders and they never will be, she then said she felt sorry for me and said that many new people soon move out of the area. I hope she is wrong, i lke to think that people can judge me for who I am and not where I was born and raised or for my beliefs or what have you, She did not say it to be mean to me, she said it as a warning, I just hope she is wrong, we just bought a home here and you know how the market is and I want my child to feel aafe, to stay somewhere long term...this job can provide a long term life here, we love it here, the scenery is breathtaking and so far no other problems, I just hope that we can fit in for our childs sake anyhow.

August 30, 2007
3:34 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Survivor,
As a person of color, I can tell you that the person who told you about their community is not wrong. People stil do think and behave this way in many parts of the the world. Do you have to move? Absolutely not. I think that this is a great opportunity to put your liberterian principles to the test. Are you really as open as you believe you are? I do believe that eventually some people will warm up to you but if this is the community you've moved into it will be quite challenging. I suggest that you begin to connect with influential people like a pastor of a church, a counsellor, volunteer groups etc. Places where people are always happy to get more people involved. What a great life lesson on tolerance, acceptance, and embracing oneness of humanity for your daughter. Keep us posted!

August 30, 2007
3:37 pm
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

As the father of three daughters..I love girls..but the one thing they do, that many many many girls seem to do that i despise is that "exclusion" game. The "i'm going to be emotionally cruel to you and exclude you from our group because maybe it will somehow make the group closer because we have very little self-esteem." that cliquey crap. at least boys will just have it out and then become friends.

we'll we can't change other people...focus on your daughter..tell her to retain that pleasant disposition and self-confidence and the friends of real worth will find her. If it comes to the point of bullying..definitely talk to the school.

August 30, 2007
3:43 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you, GAHW. I appreciate your kind feedback.

As far as us being accepted, well we do excercise those liberterian values that we have, we just wish that others were as tolerate as us! but thanks just the same!

August 30, 2007
3:46 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I do not attend church and do not wish to ever attend a place of worship, as far as volunteering goes, yes on my terms and time, I will do that to a degree that I am able too here and as far as influential people go..can't do that, I am not one to suck up to anyone, power does not impress me at all, infact it is quite the opposite to me here. Thanks again for the kind and thoughtful comments yall!

August 30, 2007
5:07 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well Survivor,
First this was about your daughter making friends but are you sure your family didn't moved in to "SALEM LOT"

I'm just kidding (smile)

No, by reading what you last post, it just seem like everyone in that town is walking around not saying anything but looking at your family kinda weird but all of a sudden someone from the community, talk's to you in secret to let you know to run because there are strange things happening here.

I'm just kidding again (smile)

If this is a small community, then everyone does know everybody. It just seem like that maybe your family is trying to hard and real fast to become apart of the community.
And at least you had someone to come up and talk with you, even if it was a warning.....

I'm just kidding again (smile)

No, for real. This person that talk with you, get a chance to know her. Let her see the good person inside of you, and then when she speak to the other womens in the community, she can at least let them know that,
"You know that new woman named Survivor and her family, they are good people"
Just give it a chance, before you start packing up and leaving "Salem Lot"

Just kidding again (smile)

I just love to watch movie.........
Nappy!

August 30, 2007
6:57 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well at times it does feel this way and other times people are really nice and go out of their way to smile at me, of course I always try to smile and say hello to everyone I can, I try to be friendly but too much. I get friendlyness to a Point and I am told that will happen but not to expect to be invited to any backyard pig roasts soon. It really would not even matter as I am rather much to myself these days, but I have a child who is very very social, so it matters some here.

I do talk to that woman from time to time, she is very nice and we do chat from time to time. I am also going to do some volunteer work in a womens shelter once a week, starting tomorrow, not to make friends or get a job, only to help others and try to prevent a early death of a child, or whoever here, I just want to do something here.

The rest of the time, I hide in my house and I am going to workout and lose weight at the local y...I don't expect much, then i won't get hurt maybe. Thanks for your input.

August 30, 2007
7:03 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Survivor,
By influential people I didn't mean political figures, I meant people who tend to be where the buzz is. The person who talked to you sounds like she is one of these people. I believe that you have as much right to be there as those people do. Sooner or later they will have to accept you. The girl scouts will need to sell their cookies, the neighbours will need to have a meeting and pass something, the school will need volunteers and they will not have a choice but to include you. It might just take some time. Hang in there. Keep posting.

August 30, 2007
7:05 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, the gs leader here is from Deitrot and used to live in my house before the last owner, she seems nice and I am going to help out when my daughter starts the organization this fall, thanks for reminding me of this, yes...I tend to be busy here, If I make one good friend, and if my child does, then that would be more than enough for me, for so many years I been isolated and so has she, due to homeschooling, anoher story but now we are out and doing things and life is much better, thank you for your kindness~

August 30, 2007
7:27 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Survivor, I can see how you could get oversensitive which I think you did. As adult I felt very sad about an unfair incident at a parking lot which happened to me, my sis and her h. I lived as a minority on a mainly Afro-American and Black Community. Of curse those who chased us thought they were getting the right people who did the wrong but they were not. As a grown up, qhen I went home, I shed many tears under the shower not to alarm anyone. I too think it brings sad memories back from our childhood when we feel impotent to have justice. Its after all about life being fair to us and our dear ones...

August 30, 2007
7:35 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh my goodness, that souunds scary here. I have a few memories of being chased by people, being singled out is horrible. hugs siniho!

August 30, 2007
8:03 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I mean, we were practically chased since we wanate to leave and they kept saying our cart hit their car...

August 30, 2007
8:09 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Did they hurt you? Were you able to escape them?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
42
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110990
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38562
Posts: 714273
Newest Members:
Slizzeringod1, Slizzeringod, texas321, lasserfelt, Gosia88, Hollynluna87
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information