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Am I Becoming A Stalker?!!
March 14, 2006
3:23 am
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crazycathy
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Hi Everyone. I've been struggled with the thought that maybe my actions in the past few weeks have not been innocent but bordering on stalker-esque. This is my story:

I have a crush on a co-worker. We speak at work and are friendly, but have never even mentioned getting together outside of work. A few weeks ago when I started getting obsessed, I googled his name. (both his first and last, and then with his middle name as well.) Fortunately for my obsession I got several results and have enjoyed looking at them on several occasions.

How do I know his middle name?, you may ask. Well I looked for his check in the pile on payday and saw it.

A little while after the googling I looked at another one of his paychecks to see what his address was. I considered writing it down and mapquesting it, but I instantly told myself that would be stalker-esque. But after a few weeks more of obsessing (aka giggling, getting excited to see him, thinking about him all the time, looking at the google results) I looked at his check again and committed his address to my memory.

Two days ago I decided to google it, just to see what area he lived in. I discovered what street he lived off of, so I course, when I drove down that street today (for a totally LEGIT reason, I PROMISE) I couldn't stop myself from turning down his street and looking for his house number.

I felt so guilty and stalkerish. But I also got a rush, knowing that he lived there! But now I feel like I may have ruined things for myself because what if by some miracle we end up being more than friends... I may have to admit to him that I mapquested and found his house before we were really even "friends." Do you think that would scare him away...? It might scare me.

P.S. Is it extra bad if he is only 17 and I am 21? Or is that a separate issue entirely?

March 14, 2006
10:23 am
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nirvana
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No Cathy, you're not a stalker, you've just got a crush and are therefore a little obsessive at the moment. It's OK - but don't tell him what you've done/are doing or you're likely to scare him off.

March 14, 2006
10:30 am
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whidbey
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Cathy, hon, first of all isn't 17 considered "jailbait?" It's okay to have a secret crush on someone, but you are definitely going a little overboard on the checking up on him, in my humble opinion. Besides, I'm thinking this is his parents' home, and not his? The other issue you need to think seriously about is becoming involved with a coworker. If this were to go a step farther (um, after he becomes of age) and things don't work out, there's nothing more painful and uncomfortable than to have to be around that person every day.

Just food for thought.... 🙂

March 15, 2006
2:19 am
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crazycathy
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Well 17 isn't really jailbait. There is some clause about the minor being over 16 or something. I don't know. But I wouldn't be having sex with him anyway so it's okay. I am not worried about the work situation because the kind of job we have is a temporary one, it's not like it's a career and we will both be going separate ways in the fall, at least temporarily. (not so far that if we DID have a relationship that we would have to break up)

I was tempted to drive by his house again tonight. But I didn't because I knew it was wrong. I don't know why I want to. It's not like I am going to park there and try to look in the window or something, it just makes me feel good knowing he's near. Is THAT creepy?

March 15, 2006
9:03 pm
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1lost1
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How about trying an up front approach? Ask him to a movie or just for a cup of coffee.

What would you say if he saw you outside his house? It isn't creepy to drive by his house. Just maybe try asking him out.

March 15, 2006
10:30 pm
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inalotofpain66
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You're not doing it as a way of controlling him or manipulating him......or threatening him, so it's probably not stalking.......but do you think he has the same feelings for you? It might be good to find out by asking him out, etc. If he said "no" and then you continued to do this stuff, that would be more problematic 'cause it would then seem that you were a little out of control.....right now, it's kinda cute.

March 16, 2006
1:49 am
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crazycathy
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I don't know if he likes me too. I've never been very good at judging whether or not someone is interested in me. I know he likes me as a person but I don't know if he likes me as more. What are key ways that I would know?

March 16, 2006
2:06 am
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blyxx
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This gave me a different perspective...

I had no clue girls did this. Honestly, I thought it was only me, or guys.

I never get the courage to get up and ask them out, and I always ended up regretting it.

I suggest asking him to take you out for coffee one day, or you take him out for coffee/lunch, whatever.

====

Key notes are different for a lot of people. I don't even know what my key notes are (that's another issue entirely), but go by your instinct, take a chance. What is the worst that could happen Cathy?

March 17, 2006
1:25 am
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crazycathy
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I don't know what the worst thing that could happen is... I guess the worst things is that he won't like me back and that things will be uncomfortable at work. I just don't know if I can handle the rejection. I've worked so hard at convincing myself that I am not a piece of garbage and I don't know if I am ready to actually test out the theory. (that I am likeable.)

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