Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Am I asking for too much?
May 21, 2001
11:37 am
Avatar
skimbleshanks
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Here I am again. This site is soooo helpful!

I love this man I'm seeing. Together for four months now and I'm feeling - well - a lack of something. On one hand it seems like i'm complaining, because there are so many things that are good about the relationship. He makes great suggestions of things we can do together. He's a great cook. he remembers things, and is very thoughtful.

On the other hand, he's not in a place where I can find him or contact him right now. The only time I know where he is is when he's at work - and that's at night on the weekends.

My need is that I hear from him every day - especially right now, since he's not settled. His last excuse for not calling was that he had run out of money? and i asked what about the phone at work? and he said i had a point. It almost seems like he's hiding from me. It's like he wants to keep part of himself "single" and free. Understand I'm not the possessive type. I question his committment when this hiding behavior keeps happening.

Guess he doesn't understand how important it is that i hear from him every day. I think this feeling will diminish when he gets settled in his new place and I can at least know where to leave a phone message.

I'm not the clingy type. It just feels really strange not knowing how to find him right now. it doesn't really feel much like a relationship.

I guess I'm surveying here for feedback on whether I'm asking too much. I wonder if we should break up until he gets settled. That way i won't have that issue to deal with.

I just need some advice and feedback.

Thanks, Ya'll

May 21, 2001
11:43 am
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't get that you both are on the same page. Why all the effort into some one that leaves you on the edge, or is this what you want in a relationship. Its so easy to focus on the good times, and not look at the lack in the relationship, or the long term consequences of the lack. Many people might consider this a needy thing, and that is like the kiss of death to some. Try giving him the space he apparently is seeking, and see if he calls you, if not, then your question is answered for you.

May 21, 2001
11:47 am
Avatar
skimbleshanks
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yep - thanks Molly. If he doesn't call like i've made clear I need him to, then it's goodbye. No point to staying in something I'm have to worry about. And, he knows this is how I see it.

Thanks again.

May 21, 2001
11:55 am
Avatar
skimbleshanks
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I guess the thing is, he wants the relationship. He wants it.

We're brought up differently. I was more sheltered and on the spotlight, he... more rough in the streets and self-reliant. Because of this it's hard to get perspective.

That's why I don't know if I'm askign too much. I'm trying to be fair in my requests. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes. But, even if i were in his shoes, I'd keep an extra 35 cents around to call him! Sometimes it makes me so mad.

Sometimes I wonder if he's using me... that sounds horrible to hear-even read! But, what if he does get settled - will he still need me? My hopes are that he will. But, do I need to wait around to find out?

Help! Am I being spoiled?

May 21, 2001
1:19 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Big mistake we women make is reorganizing, remaking ourselves for men. We jump through all these hoops thinking that they think like us, and we just keep waiting, or working them thinking they will change. One of these days we all will collectively go ahhhhhh haaaaaaaaaaa and realize that if we put as much effort into ourselves, as we put into trying to figure out these guys, we would care less, till the mommy urge hits us. Then so setteled in our ways, its our way or the highway.
Sure he wants the relationship, but his way, or not?? That is a big clue that it is not a relationship. Different up bringing means lots of stuff in the future, been there done and doing that. follow your instincts, if it was what it was supposed to be, he wouldn't be pushing your buttons, you don't need this, you need comfort and security, and equal give and take, hmmmm who is giving and who is taking?? How long you want to let him play in your sand box????

May 21, 2001
1:43 pm
Avatar
skimbleshanks
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly, your feedback is very important. I like the sandbox analogy. You're right - it is my sandbox and I choose how long he's allowed. All I can say is this has come up before and if it happens one more time - for his sake as well as mine - I'll call it quits until he can prove to me beyond a doubt he'll do what it takes to come back and play.

May 21, 2001
3:44 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

As long as you get he is a playmate, and not a keeper, 4 months is such a short time, long enough to discover keep or move on. protect your heart, and don't be so quick to give your love until your sure the person that you love is worthy. Its just so damn hard to be a woman, like where is the hand book for crying out loud???? We want it all and we want it now, but I guess it doesn't work that way. Remember your the one in controll, and if you have what he wants, he must earn it, character, loyalty, honesty, yada yada yada. I wouldn't push for committment, but discover what he is looking for besides the goodies.

May 21, 2001
10:07 pm
Avatar
blackbird
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We want the same things, for that attentive love that naturally weaves it's way into our life every day and night. We can't choose people and make them understand that type of love if it isn't natural to them. We seek what eludes us until it's a frenzied series of attempts to make relationships work. Instead of asking if you are asking too much as if it's all about who is right or wrong, perhaps you should consider whether you are happy? Happiness is something you can't force on yourself or someone else. It comes naturally or not at all. Have you heard the term "It's just clay"? Until you have a perfect Vessel throwing consists of your hands, and clay. If it doesn't work out, throw it in the bucket and start over. I'm not saying relationships are disposable at all, I just don't think you need the stress, it makes things even harder.

I have faith in you.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
20
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer