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Am I an interfering bag of a mom-in-law?
February 14, 2001
9:33 pm
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Alena
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Dilly, I think you may have summed it up in less than one sentence.

"and it looks like the price I have to pay for his peace of mind, is to accept him as he is, and not as the son I had! "

Isn't that really what it is we are all trying to come to grips with and swallow with our children? The options are rather slim.

It's not that we pretend that nothing happened. You said you did begin to tell him your feelings and he got all mad, but you did get to vent a bit?
And I have a feeling he knows exactly where you stand on these issues you have with him and new wife. He just seems to be trying to make everyone happy, especially the woman with whom he now lives.

I know what you mean, when I'm upset over my kid's actions, (or lack of), I actually feel like my heart is full of rocks and pulling me down. It's not a healthy thing, I think, to be so affected by my childrens mere behavior. So I am trying to get over it. Because I can either try to walk that balance beam I am on with them these days, or fall off. If I fall off, I am the one in pain. I am the one agonizing over the "good ole days" and it stinks. So, I try to tactfully get my point across without overstepping my boundaries. And sometimes, what I get in return is, hey, how come Mom seems so disconnected, something we said?

One thing I did learn from my own sweet Mom. I love her dearly, but she is the Queen of Manipulation. Has is down to an artform. And I am her favorite target. From the time I could recognize her voice, I remember her saying, "What? I'm your MOM, if I can't say(or do, or have, or want) that, who can?" Thus, nothing was off limits to my mom. She loves me dearly and would always think she knew what was best for me and so would try to manipulate me into seeing that little fact. Sometimes I caved, sometimes not. But I did learn one very important thing. I can smell manipulative thoughts in my brain long before they enter my mouth and I cut them off at the pass. I refuse to manipulate. Although, hey, Molly says my suggestion about small talk may have some manipulative undertones.....hmmm...maybe I'm just more clever than I thought. (And more subtle than my mom)

I know the pain Dilly. It must be so much harder for you because of the happiness you all felt with the first wife and your son. And how quickly it all came crashing down. And with you taking care of granddaughter as you did. I do believe as Molly said that it will come around. He will be okay. You will be okay. Let him work through this and stand just outside the perimeter. I know, we don't deserve to be there, outside, but in the long run, I think it's better to let them see us out there,supportive, instead of in their faces.

I never gave Australia a thought.
UK hit me when you said a few things I've heard others from the UK say.
Hope to go there in the near future with husband for a vacation. Want to see all the places I've read about all these years.

By the way, sending out big,fat,chocolate Valentine wishes.

February 15, 2001
4:36 am
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Dilly
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What can I say to you all except a big, no, HUGE thank-you! Words cannot express the emotions stirred by your kind, supportive comments. I feel much better about the eldest, by that I mean, I can deal with the thoughts, they are not keeping me awake any longer, although I don't know how I will be after the next conversation! but I will leave the contact up to him, and as you say folks, I am getting on with my life, in fact I have to go now, because I am going to take the dog for a walk to the local park, then, I will be getting ready to teach my class of adults counselling skills! By the way it's 9-30am here and very frosty, but the sun is shining beautifully creating prisms on the carpet. Bye guys, thanks again, talk to you soon. XX

February 15, 2001
8:11 am
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Alena
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Well, here's hoping that sunny morning and your sunny optimism is just the beginning of a very good spell for you. I'll be thinking about you....when I need a little serious therapy, I usually turn to a little one-on-one with my Lab, she takes me for a walk and it somehow soothes my soul.

February 15, 2001
2:27 pm
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Dilly
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Alena

I am usually a very "up" person, after all, how can you teach self-empowerment if you don't believe in yourself? By the way, I don't think I have mentioned that I am very strongly into complimentary medicine, as in reflexology (I am the outside verifier for the Reflexology Association) Hypnosis, stress management, and of course counselling. In fact, anything to ease one's path through life, in a more relaxed manner. Bearing all this in mind you can judge how bewildering it was, when I realised I couldn't deal with my son and his family in a rational manner. I also think I am prone to hormonal changes, and around about the 13th of the month I usually feel things very deeply. Whether it's a newspaper story about an unfortunate animal that has been ill-treated, or something along those lines, it seems to affect me much more around that time then any other, but, thankfully it doesn't last long! I also adore dogs Alena and I have a 9yr old cross Labrador called Tom who follows me everywhere, in fact he is lying at my feet right now! Keep on hanging in there, and if I can be of any help to anyone, please let me know. Cheers!!!

February 15, 2001
3:41 pm
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Alena
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I have to chuckle as I read the final line of your post. My 8 mos. old yellow Lab, MaggieMay, is sleeping under my feet as I write this. Thank God for all the dear dogs I've had in my life who wanted nothing more than to serve as my footrest.

Take care..

February 19, 2001
10:54 pm
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Molly
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And I have a black Lab, shepperd, who is my personal angel.Looks like a black shepperd, with the personality of a Lab, every night with the sprinklers, does what I call the water dance, going from sprinkler to sprinkler, and always at my feet, I can't move with out him. I would be so empty with out him, infact I named him Jones, like a bad habbit. Alena, I felt what you said about walking the plank,or balance beam, when I slip, its my pain, they don't know, and most likely don't care, so very true. I just wish I had more faith in my mate's reaction. They are not his, sooooo I don't know, when he says, so let it go. Some how it doesn't matter,as I have no choice. I guess I am to be greatful for what ever they allow, but it doesn't seem right. At least they haven't mentioned the straight jacket any longer, or the book, or therapy. go figure.
I am curious Dilly, how they treat mental illness in your country, it is down to dollars and insurance coverage here, with out much support in the way of alternative healing which I believe in, aromatherapist here,although not much of a market for it. I started up in 94 and went belly up in 95. But I believe so much in the complimentary therapies. Due to the lack of compensation, I am going back to selling houses for a while. I know I am going to miss the therapy both giving and receiving from the clients, but I need $$$$$$. Glad to hear your up. Thank God for dogs.

February 20, 2001
8:35 am
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Alena
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Molly, I have a feeling this is a very common trip we parents go on with adult children. Although, I sure don't think I sent my parents on one. I hope not. Did your kids really mentiona "straight-jacket"? Good grief. They live a distance away from you? Does that make it easier to walk the balance beam?

Yes, I know what you mean about husbands.Not only is my eldest son not his biological child, but even if he was, some dad's from that era just don't seem to get as knocked off their feet by their kids. Ya think? Today, many young dads are so emotionally involved and sensitive and all the wonderful "90's" stuff, it's great. But my husband is from the 50's and if he FEELS involved, or hurt, you wouldn't know it. The best emotion he has an easy time showing is anger! But, oh well, that's an entirely different subject isn't it!?

I have no experience with daughters, and as I've grown older(after years of just wanting a baby girl) I've thought, hey, remember everything happens for a reason. Maybe I should just be thankful. I've had a wonderful 25 years with 2 terrific sons, they've always been the light of my life (another sticky point with hubby). It's just now that the eldest is married and like I said, time for me to try to adjust to this.

I must be honest and report that since he and his wife had a baby girl in October, he seems to have settled into some sort of comfort zone with wife and baby and me. He calls more often now, we actually have talks like we did before.

Dilly, what's happening with you?

February 20, 2001
11:33 am
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Molly
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We were best of friends while they were growing upm absolutly not a problem. Even with the oldest and her trials the first 2 1/2 years of college, if there was a problem I was in the car and drove the two hours. The phone calls slowed down, and when her sis went to school up there, the calls really slowed down. They had each other for support. It was after she graduated, and her best friend became a psych major that all the diagnosing of mother started. It was much more difficult for me as rather than the gradual shut out, there was a sudden burst of accusations, and dead silence. My probing and grief were really diagnosable, and thus.... However as I explained, and then quit explaining, I had good reason to be crazy. I lost my mom, and two daughers, sold a home split from my husband, quit my job, and was lost. They didn't get it. I guess there is no balance, either they stick around needy dependent and unmotivated, or independent arrogant. I guess I will stick with the later, and keep my fingers crossed. Like I said it is getting better, still chopped liver though.

February 20, 2001
12:01 pm
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Dilly
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Hi Folks

I am recovering from a very nasty flue bug which is doing the rounds over here! It's "half-term" which means we get a weeks break from teaching, so instead of doing all the lovely things I had promised, I have been laid up!. Anyway, I'm back now, although still a bit "iffy".
As an update on the son problem.. I suddenly got a phone call last Friday, rather stilted, saying that the little one had been taken into hospital again with her breathing, and would I have the two older girls overnight. Of course I said yes, and he brought them over, the girls made a terrific fuss, they had brought their "roller scooters" (scooters with mini wheels, which are all the rage over here) and I said I would take them to the park later, and they went out into the garden to practise!. My son stood rather sheepishly in the kitchen, not knowing what to say, and not wanting to give the impression he was "giving in".
He said he realised we had a lot to talk about, but we agreed that now wasn't the time, and he went. I felt that Alice was a little unsure towards me at first, not knowing how I would react, but I didn't mention anything untoward to her, and she gradually relaxed, and we all had a great time at the park, including the dog!
Things are still not good between me and my son and his wife though, for instance I found out that Alice is performing on the local theatre (she loves dancing), when I mentioned that she would probably be in the local newspaper, she said she had missed the photographers appointment because "Mummy said the baby wasn't well, and Daddy has to lie in on a Sunday, so there was no-one to take me" (I only live 20mins away, but wasn't asked!) so the child missed being on the photograph with the rest of the troupe! I havn't heard from my daughter-in-law, since she took the baby home last week, she hadn't told me the baby was in hosipal, or anything about Alice being on the stage, but now that I know, I will buy tickets and go and see her. Bad isn't it!
MOLLY- Mental illness is taken very seriously here, as you probably know, we have a National Health Service, which, although seriously mis-managed, does cater for everyone, regardless of their income. One of the problems with mental health and it's management at the momnent, is that they have recently completed a nationwide programme of closing down all the major mental health institutions, under a "care in the community" scheme, which means that mentally ill patients are released into special housing complexes in the communities, where they are gradually integrated into normal living, dealing with shopping, money etc. As usual, the principal is good but the mechanics don't work. For instance, take schitsophrenics, they won't stay on their medication unless supervised, therefore there are an increasing number of ordinary people being stabbed for no reason by complete strangers.
As regards to complimentary medicine attitudes, well, "officialdom" seems to be gradually accepting it, there are now orthodox GP's, who are trained in homeopathy and Acupuncture. I work in a clinic in London in Harley St. I don't know whether you have heard of it, but it has been going for a long time as a centre of excellence in private medicine. The specialists I work with are orthodox medical men, but they now (after some convincing)realise that there is some truth in the saying that many genuine physical illnesses are caused by emotional problems, for instance, an unspecified continual back pain, could be caused by an emotional problem that is too heavy to bear, therefore they (the specialists) save the "emotional problems" for me, and I do my bit with relaxation etc, to get to the bottom of the "incurable" pains.
I have gone on a bit havn't I? If you would like I could tell you how I managed to "break in" to conventional medicine's highest bastille over here! (Harley Street) but that's for another day! By Guys, lots of love DillyXXX
P.S. ALENA, I am teaching a course on anger management in males, there are some very interesting sites if your interested, although it sounds as if you have everything under control. Bye for now XX

February 20, 2001
3:59 pm
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Cici
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Dilly -

I work in a forensic mental hospital, with schizophrenics and antisocial PDs. We are starting to have the same problems over here....all the residents are in the hospital via court order, for committing violent crimes, and they always get released into community care and most of them return in a few months because they went off meds and decomensated yet again.

Because I work with these men and I get to see that they are people, it makes me angry to see how the severly mentally ill are treated. It angers me to see how little understood schizophrenia is, even though it's common accross cultures. Most people still confuse it with dissociative identity disorder! There was a recent movie, "The Cell" - which portrayed a schizophrenic man as a serial killer. But schizophrenics are so disorganzied that they would never BE serial killers. UGH. And so few people understand that it's very similar to Parkinson's or Alzheimer's - it's a degernative brain disorder, and it's progressive, so without a support structure none can return to teh community.

Regan did this in the '80s, now we have a huge homeless issue. Politicians can be so stupid.

February 20, 2001
4:13 pm
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Dilly
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Cici
One of the main reason's behind the "care in the community" scheme, is so that the government can "re-claim" the victorian hospitals with their huge grounds, and sell them to private concerns.
I treat schizophrenics, mainly when the onset of the illness was caused by "bad tripping", so the majority of my referrals are youngsters. Yes, I agree they are a very mis-understood group, and I don't feel they are helped at all by the latest "mix them into the community" phrase that is currently popular! They are having enough trouble trying to cope with everyday routines in their own lives, without expecting them to suddenly become polite, accepted members of the community! I think it puts far too much onus on already over-burdened minds! and they are naturally treated with great suspicion by the locals, so how can it possibly work?

February 20, 2001
6:40 pm
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Alena
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Dilly, on this mental health thread, do you have a homeless problem in Britain? I live in the midwest and since the shutdown of so many of our state hospitals and mental institutions, we've had a major increase in the homeless folks out there. Well, where else are they to go ? Just open up the doors, tell them to go to their families, doesn't work out, (because they ARE seriously ill) and then, ta da! They are out on the streets. I'll only criticize this country for it's blatant mishandling of the mentally ill, it's the only one of which I have any knowledge. It's pathetic. Psychiatrists charge an arm and a leg, if you don't have a job, how do you get health care, and even if you do have a job, you don't necessarily get health care. And there is still such a stigma attached to emotional problems. Like I said, it's pathetic.

Major stupid move closing the institutions for these people. Now nobody takes care of them. It's so sad and we just try to sweep them under the rug.

Sorry, I kind of got on a soapbox.

Nah, husband doesn't necessarily need any anger management classes. But thank you for mentioning it. Not that I could ever get him to recognize it might be a problem. What I should have done was 25 years ago was insist that he get counseling to undo the 25 years prior to me when he was influenced by a totally stoic family structure who never showed any emotions. Too late now.

The hardest part was when the kids were younger, they're older now and I just ignore his weird ways.Every once in a while, he surprises me with some tears, or expression of real emotions (only when we're alone, NEVER when someone else might see this tender side.) Except now, we have a 3 mos old granddaughter and I see quite a few emotions surfacing in him that he never showed all those years with the boys. ...MEN....can't live with them, can kill em.

Glad you're feeling better Dilly.

February 20, 2001
7:22 pm
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The population I was working with same problem, domestic violence shelters, and an up comming new one, board and care, or retirement homes will not take a patient on methadone. Most of the population I worked with has chronic Hep C, TB, and diabetes. So they get the scripts for codine, and vallium, remember to take those, but any thing else, including a diabetics diet, is a joke. The other new joke is for profit trustees, of Social Securtiy money, not only have I found them to be abusive, and not at all working for the clients, its like they went out of their way, to make matters worse, and these folk end up on the street too, due to mis management of funds. Its also very questionable, at what state of mind the client was in at the time they signed the paper work.
Good to hear your Up Dilly. Keep remembering Cici, your still learning, don't go burn out till you get the degree, and license.

February 21, 2001
9:00 am
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Dilly
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Hello everyone,

Oh dear here we go again with the moans. I was telephoned last night to ask if I could pick the girls up from their baby-minder (they have to pass my house to get to her) I presumed, because step-mum is a teacher and on half term that she would be minding them and that was why I hadn't been asked! Anyway, as I said, Alice is appearing on the local theatre all this week, and they cannot find the time tonight to drop her off so could I? It means staying at the theatre till 10pm at least until the show is over, and you know the flu dose I have got! but hey, what are we moms for if not to get out there and slog!!! so I am saying nothing, and picking the girls up tonight. But I honestly don't know how long the saintly smile will last! the "martyrdom" hat doesn't fit me very well! I can feal another bust-up brewing!

Yes, we have an acute homeless problem, but they are allowed to stay in hostels overnight for a very nominal sum, they are given a hot meal, and they are thrown back out on the streets at 7-30am hail, rain, or shine! The homeless youngsters are better taken care of, there are groups of volunteers who go round herding them up and taking them to youth hostel type places where they receive food and any medical help they need free of charge. At christmas time the hostels remain open to all ages over the holiday, and they are all given xmas dinner and presents from the public. I think it satisfies some do-gooder image that they have done their bit to help the poor, but obviously, it doesn't address the long term issues, which are now much worse with the tremendous influx of asylum seekers we have recently had.
Have to go now my eyes are streaming and I am continually sneezing, and I have to get a tissue, anyway it's time to collect the girls, BYE XXX

February 21, 2001
10:11 pm
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Molly
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If anyone can keep a smile plastered, I have a feeling its you. Just don't have a plastered smile 🙂

February 22, 2001
9:11 am
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Dilly
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Oh dear MOLLY, is it that transparent? Yes. I don't let my feelings show. in particular when i'm hurt emotionally, and, as a cancerian, this happens more often then I would like. Don't get me wrong though, I give love very freely and am a very huggy person.
We went to the theatre, and the show was terrific, Alice remebered all her steps, and it finished at 10-30pm, so we had one very tired performer on our hands. When I dropped Alice back home, her step-mom told me how ill the baby had been, she now has a gastric infection that they suspect she caught from the hospital, and she is losing weight. She seemed cheerful enough, and was waving to me (she's 8mths now} I said if there was anything I could do, to let me know, and after a cup of tea with them I left.
I felt very sorry for my daughter-in-law on the way home, trying to cope with the two older girls and a sick baby, so I resolved to myself to try and re-gain some lost ground in our relationship. With this in mind, I made myself phone their house this morning to enquire how the baby was, (I havn't actualy phoned them since the bust up} To my surprise my son answered (he's always at work} and he said the baby wasn't too good, and then went on to tell me that the three girls including sick baby, was at the baby-minders and their mom had gone in to work for the day! As I have already said, they have to pass my door to get to the baby-minders, and it was a real slap in the face to realise that they obviously preferred to leave all the children including the sick baby with some-one else, although they knew I too was on holiday and available!
Going back to MOLLY's "painted smile" When he told me where the girls were I was cut to the quick, but all I said was I'm glad you are ok and if you need anything you know where I am and then we ended the conversation, rathere stiltedly but cordially. I cannot understand them, or why he is allowing his Mother to be insulted like this, what more can I do? except keep smiling and hope it all resolves it'self. but I have to say I don't think things will ever be the same, the insults I have endured (taking the kids out of my beds etc) cut deep, and try as I may to "turn the other cheek" I really want to rant and rave at them. I have considered moving house, but I have all my work and social life around here so it would be impossible. Any ideas gratefully received. ByeXXX

February 22, 2001
11:56 am
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Molly
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Ignore it. You have no choice as I see it. Its like when I discovered that my girls didn't have time to come see me, but was taking the train to their dad's for the weekend. then since I relocated, they oh, by the way I was down at dad's for the weekend. Now 20 min away. It just kills you, not enough time for coffee, but hey they do call again. I am sure to the new wife, it just seems simpler to drop them off, than to deal with a parent, and I doubt it has anything to do with you. I don't get how women can go to work and leave an infant period, old fashioned I guess, and a sick child at that. Like Alena states, that walk on the balance beam, if we feed our hurt, who hurts, just us, and they don't know care to know, or even if they did know, wouldn't understand. Move, I understand the temporary reason, the immediate I'll show you, but then when things smooth out!!! Besides one of these days, since its so close you can go over "rescue the girls and take them to the park" Now if you move????? Let the dog lick your wounds, have a cuppa tea, and start thinking about the lavish easter baskets you'll be making.

February 22, 2001
1:27 pm
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Alena
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Dilly, would it be interfering to
just ask your son why they drop the girls off with a sitter? I mean, in a non-combative, make-him-get-defensive way? (the balance beam again)

After all, it's not like you're asking what their mortgage payment is, or how's their sex life, it's not too, too intrusive, is it?

Many times I find myself overreacting to a situation (NOT that you are) just because in my head I've cooked up an entire scenario of why someone is doing something to me. Most times I'm wrong. Most times if I'd only asked, I'd have saved myself the aggravation. I can be pretty dramatic in my head sometimes.

I would just be compelled to ask why it isn't just as easy to drop them off with Grandmother. Just find a way to do it without putting him on the defensive. Whatever the answer, you'd have to just accept it. No fighting about it, you're just curious and then you will know. Maybe there is a good reason. Don't know it, just giving him the benefit of the doubt and maybe the answer would help you.

Just a thought. Or like Molly said, you don't have alot of choices.

I wouldn't move. Good grief....maybe just keep very busy and fulfilled in other ways.

I know Dilly. I really do feel your pain and I'm sorry for your son's inconsideration.

Hope the baby is getting better, 8 mos.is such a great age. Are you feeling better with that flu bug?

February 22, 2001
2:21 pm
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Dilly
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Ji folks,
Thanks for your comments, all of which I agree with. I have decuded to let the dust settle, and not stir up anymore dust clouds. As I have said before, they know where I am, and I'll leave it at that! (exuse me whilst I go and find a new painted smile, this one's worn out!)
How are you all anyway? you seem to be great givers on this channel, but how about yourselves? What would you say is THE worst problem you are having to deal with, either mentally, emotionally or physically? how about sharing it? Move your "blind window" (as in Jahari) and let me peek in. I would like to get to know you all better! Is there anything you would like to ask me?

February 23, 2001
9:31 pm
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Molly
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Hmmmmm, I think my window has the drapes drawn, I'm exhausted. New job, from right to left brain,or is it left to right, to many new electronic devices, to many new facts figures, programs, and fees. Do you have any new facts or remedies for HRT, I need to have a panel drawn, I am just so with out energy. Don't know if it is thyroid, or just no hormones, ovaries, et all removed in 91. took the premarin for a while, then gave it up. Feel better, but now I am draggin, and think the memory is loosing it, or not retaining it.
Need to keep in touch, don't want to loose track, would love for all of us to meet and have a cup of tea. England is so beautiful, my oldest said she is going to Europe in the spring didn't focus on where,God forbid I press for details, not that bad, at least she called. Still can't believe we have gotten to where we can leave a 8 month old baby that is sick with a stranger!!!! It stopped raining, need to walk the dogs, maybe that will wake me up.

February 24, 2001
10:03 am
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Dilly
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Oh dear moll, you do sound down. Yes I do know about HRT, had the op 15yrs ago (fibroids) but still have ovaries! I have been on Evoril patches for the past 10 years. I started on 25 mg and gradually increased until I am now on 100mg. I know they helped with the mood swings, but the down side is, I am constantly battling against weight size 14 at the moment! and my hair has gone very thin. As a matter of fact, I was thinking of going onto the gel, any feedback on this?.
You have to attack the memory loss, and fight back, it's a constant war, but don't give in! Richard Burtons wife (Sally) said "inside me there is a little old grey haired lady trying desperately to get out, and I keep trying everything to keep her in!"and I empathise with that sentiment completely!
For your memory try Co-Enzyme Q10 tablets, for energy try large doses of vit. C 1000mg a time up to 3 times per day, and for your down moods try St Johns Wort, keep taking this cocktail, for as many years as you want, it won't do you any harm, oh and don,t forget the good old oil of evening primrose 1000mg per day I have been on this for 15 years, and get lots of compliments ie looking young, good skin, etc. in fact, when I take Alice out, everyone assumes I am her mother, and she loves it, and goes along with it!It sounds as if your system is sluggish, have you tried good old water melons? if you can take two whole ones a week for 2 weeks, as well as 8 glasses of mineral water per day, this will flush the toxins out.
Yeah, I know about the sick baby thing, I could go on about other area's that worry me, but I won't. Cheer up, can you go for a walk, to boost the system? I was in the park with Tom the dog this morning, it is still frosty, but the sun was shining, and the squirells were dancing around, much to Tom's delight (he loves chasing them, but NEVER catches them!) Yes, I have to admit England is a lovely olde worlde place, but I would love to do the work I do (complimentary therapies) in good old U.S. of A! I feel it would go down a bomb. I havn't talked about the psychic abilities have I? it all seems to be part and parcel of the "healing" bit.
Cheer up! never mind the tea, pass the bottle!!

February 24, 2001
6:50 pm
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Alena
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Ladies, shall we start an HRT thread? Sort of a "menopause mamas" group, that way we could discuss being moms and the pleasures of menopause.

Had a total hyst. myself in '92. (fibroids, endometriosis, endomyosis,)I have felt great up until about 1 yr. ago. All of my life when I had a major bout with depression, it coincidentally appeared before a really nasty period. I've been taking Estrace 1mg since day one. Just in the past year I'm beginning to get some not so happy moods that I'm trying to fight off on my own.

Molly, I don't know where you are in the US, but in the midwest I suffer every winter with the SAD (?-I think)
sun deficiency or whatever. By February, I'm all set to hibernate. When it's cloudy and cold, just give me the carbohydrates, a blanket and wake me in the Spring. I abhor the cold and the grayness. Don't ask me why I live here, I think it's because eveyone I know and love is here, plus husband's livelyhood. If it was up to me, I'd be in the sunniest spot in the nation.

Sorry Dilly, but I believe that's why I just wouldn't make it in England also. Too rainy.

Lately, I've been so up and down and just experiencing huge anxieties. I don't like this change in me. I don't like the feeling of being out of my own control. I get angry really quick, I get jumpy, can't relax. Aromatherapy might be a suggestion, but I've never spent a whole lot of time on myself, so I don't know.
It's not a major problem yet. Trying to get a handle on it myself. Thanks for asking!

Dilly, have you ever been in the US?

No Dilly, I do not take vitamins, not C, not wort, not a thing. I can barely remember to take the Estrace once a day and you'd think I'd remember after 9 years! Otherwise, I'm in great health. Weight has just barely begun to be a problem, although it could be because I quit my full time job and seem to be more sendentary these days. Gotta get that heart pumpin more.

February 25, 2001
9:36 am
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janes
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Menopausal Mama's...I like that.

Esp. when we all know how normal we are and that this next step is such a freeing one (no more periods!!) - my basic advice is to get educated BEFORE you see the M.D. ...they tend to treat menopause as a desease.

I have some good resources tho.

Anything by Dr. John Lee

Women's Bodies Women's wisdon Dr. Christiane Northrup Excellent for women of ANY age!!)

The REAL Vitamin and Mineral Book Leiberman and Bruning

February 25, 2001
6:05 pm
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Molly
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When I read book what your doctor won't tell you about menopause, is when I quit taking Premarin .625 daily. I do believe I became estrogen toxic. That is all that they gave me, and I honostly haven't gone to the MD, since she told me to leave my husband in 98. Well I followed her advice, and felt much better. As I have returned, well some of the weight has come back on, not all, and I am back to that battle, but I just don't feel like being a science project again. Some of these meds sound familiar, and would like to start with slow doses. The problem is I need to get in for a blood panel, and need 2-3 apts with an MD to get that far. I don't have insurance yet, sooooo I'll try some alternative meds first thanks for the suggestions. I have been told to try DHEA, that is supposed to mimic both hormones.
I do feel better when I get to moving, its getting me off my a** to get that far, but Jonz can be very motivating, dominating is more like it. I'll let you think that it is your evening of primrose that has your skin looking great, but I have never seen any one from England that did not have perfect skin, the moisture and abscense of sun. Us California girls have paid a price for our sunworship, thank God, I wore a hat and sunglasses. I do believe that there are some of us more sensitive to depression in the winter, and with the carbs, bring them on with extra fat, ok, I call that happy food, as I would soon be fat eating that, and fat people are happy right????? Ok, bad joke. If the SAD disorder is getting to you try the tanning bed option, you can use sunblock???? Just keep slimfast in the house, and you won't even have to worry about the urge to cook.

February 26, 2001
5:57 am
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Dilly
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ALENA
Menopausal Mama's has a ring to it doesn't it? we can have a good old moan about how the kids don't appreciate all we've done for them!(joke)
Why fight on your own? we all understand, let it all out, thunp them keys mama!
Love Molly's idea to counteract your SAD disorder, but as she say's remember to be liberal with the sun block!
Yes, it does rain a lot in England, but the greenary it creates makes it worth it!
No, I have never been fortunate enough to visit the states, don't know any American's, although I used to have an American au-pair when the kids were little, and she was great!
Remembering to take the vits, can be a nasty circle, if you can remember the memory enhancing one's (Co-Enzyme Q10) then they will help you remember the rest, although you have to give these herbal remedies time to balance your system (about 4 weeks)
Could your bouts of depression possibly be a grieving procedure for the full time job you no longer go to? just a thought.

JANES
I agree with everything you say, especially the "freeing" bit. Also the attitude of the MD's, I have actually heard one say "oh God, not another menopausal women" (not to me, that's why he's still alive!)

MOLLY

"Estrogen toxic" that sounds as if that could be the problem with my hair!
Do you mind me asking why you left your husband, and have the problems now resolved themselves?
Thanks for the compliment about English skins, perhaps it's all this "stiff upper lip" business, that helps keep the jaw-line taught!
I have found staying off dairy products and anything made with white bread, helps with the weight also the mood swings.

I have got the baby today (she is asleep at the moment) she is still very chesty, and seems to have lost a lot of weight, I know there are some sachets you can buy which replaces all the minerals and salts that are lost during gastric upsets, but I suppose I dare not suggest them! (I might find them myself and give her a dose! Bye folks, talk again soon.

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