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am i alone?
December 15, 2000
5:53 pm
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jade21
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can anyone out there help me, please. I have been in a relationship for 5 years and have two wonderful kids, the problem is i have never enjoyed having sex with him, well its not just him its been with everyone i have been with. now after 5 years i told him that i dont enjoy sex and when i acted like i did i was faking it. i told him i wish to no longer engage in sexual activity, i love him very much but i can no longer act like i enjoy what we do sexualy im losing me relationship over it but i dont want to pretend any longer, i dont want to lose him over this either. can anyone help me please

December 15, 2000
7:01 pm
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so confused
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I thought I was the ONLY ONE to feel like that. I was married for 8 years and never had an orgasm! I did not enjoy sex. Then after we split I met a man that made me feel alive. This did not last long. Now I could go without sex for the rest of my life. I just do not desire it. I also have two beautiful children. I know how you feel, but I don't have any answers. It caused problems in both of my relationships!

December 15, 2000
10:33 pm
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gingerleigh
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Nope, you are definitely not alone. I know many many many women who feel this way (and for some reason absolutely no men).

Anyway, both happiness and sex are very personal things. If you are happy without sex, then don't have it. However, sex can be the most wonderful thing in the world if you are (1) with the right person and (2) feel deserving to have and thoroughly enjoy sex.

That second one is the hardest. The mindset. In our culture, there are subliminal messages that women should not enjoy sex as much as men. I mean, look at all the strip joints for men. And all the porn mags seem to be for men, with the exception of a few lite ones like Playgirl and a few publications aimed at the lesbian population. And if you were in a bar and saw a cute guy walk in and said "Wow, I'd like a piece of that!" you'd be labeled a slut, whereas if a man said that, he's just being a guy.

It makes me sad that so many women do not enjoy sex, and I think it is a right that all of us have. So I am going to ask this question, and I apologize to the monitors if this seems like I am turning the discussion "dirty", which is definitely NOT my intent. Do you masturbate? Masturbation takes the guy right out of the picture and allows you to provide yourself with the good feelings that come from orgasm and physical touch. Hell, men do it all the time, ALL of them (and if they say they don't, they are either liars or delusional).

And women? Maybe a little more than half actually masturbate (or admit to it). All women have the right to "double click their mouse", and SHOULD. Finding out what pleases you allows you to ask for what you want and need in a sexual relationship.

Just my 2 cents. I apologize if I offended anyone or made anyone uncomfortable.

Good luck, my fellow sexual freedom fighters!

December 15, 2000
11:26 pm
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jade21
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gingerleigh,
thank you for your good advice, everything you said is absolutly true. and yes i do masturbate,and though i, myself, know what i like it is very difficult to explain it to my sexual partner. i guess you can say im afraid to express myself to others. i have recently decided that i am not going to have sex untell i am married because i feel that sex somehow ruins my relationships thank-you and i also wanted to say to anyone that might think that masturbation is dirty or unclean that there is a really good book out ther thats really worth reading its called ''sex for one'' sorry i dont know the author

December 15, 2000
11:32 pm
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jade21
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hello so confused,
thank-you for letting me know that im not alone it really does make me feel better, allthough i am sorry that you also have to suffer and what i mean by suffer is that sex is something wonderful (or at least i hear it is ) that is shared between two people and when one person cant enjoy it then it seems to no longer make it special. but im glad to know there is someone out there that i have something in common with and maybe we can help eachother thank you

December 16, 2000
12:55 am
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so confused
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Your welcome Jade. No, I do not masturbate. Never have. I don't know why. I think about it at times and the feeling good thing, but then I don't. I hope we can help eachother. Thanks for writing back!!! 🙂

December 16, 2000
4:13 am
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TRosciano
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Update Me

December 16, 2000
4:14 am
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TRosciano
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December 16, 2000
4:14 am
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TRosciano
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Update Me

December 16, 2000
4:14 am
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TRosciano
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You have got to ask yourself why do you think you feel the way you do about sex? Is your companion always nagging you for sex? I find that when one wants it the other doesn't, it's like a game at times. Or from him nagging you does that make you just feel less of a thrill out of it? When you have sex you have just got to relax and get all things out of your mind and focus on what is happening and what part of the body is feeling good. Take it slow and start off with just alot of foreplay then go from there. Let your mind drift and forget about all the stresses of the world around you. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. Do you feel comfortable about your body and the way you look? Because in a recent survey it was said that 95% of men know what you look like and don't care about fat rolls or stretch marks(not saying you have any). Is your companion not doing things right for you? You said you masterbate, so you know what feels good so guide your mate. Make this a learning experience for the both of you. Communicate and let him know that you want to take things slow and let him know that you would like to try something different but on your own terms because you have somethings your going through.
Did anything traumatize you as a child to believe that sex is bad? If so, go with that feeling and feel it, seek counseling to help you overcome so you can enjoy your new found sexual life. Good Luck!

December 17, 2000
10:45 pm
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jade21
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TRosciano,
thank you for your advice, i have been thinking long and hard about what you said and we are trying to make things better in our sexual life. i dont usually talk about this but yes something traumatizing did happen to me. my father molested me when i was very young. and because of that experiance i became sexually active at a young age. i am now going to counseling because even though i became sexually active at a young age i have never enjoyed it also up intell 5 years ago i was very promiscuous. i now have someone in my life that loves me, allthough i know he doesnt understand what im going through but hes tring. for the whole time we have been together i have ''faked it'' and about a month ago i finally told him i know it really hurt his feelings but i think he needed to know. im not exactly sure why i cant enjoy sex on a pleasure basis but just to be with him makes me happy. thank you again for your help.

December 17, 2000
10:51 pm
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jade21
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so confused,
even though you dont masturbate by your self doesnt mean that you and your partner cant experiance pleasure together you never know it could be a fun learning experiance for the both of you. if you need any help with anything let me know and ill be there for you. thank you for writing you make me feel alot better!!:)

January 14, 2001
10:45 pm
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kay01
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January 14, 2001
10:47 pm
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kay01
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Hey there Jade well some advice for all women...leave men behind and and stick to women they can pleasure you like no man can.

January 16, 2001
12:34 pm
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Molly
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We women are fine tuned, and that is one area we usually tune out of because, we are tired, stressed, angry, and have been taught good girl bad girl stuff. God forbid we actually feel good, have exercised,( I find I am more actually likely to want sex, when I am in shape) not angry at the partner, and ask for it. Because of the meds my guy takes it is like a scheduled event, talk about a mood wrecker. I don't miss the sex itself, but what I miss, and get pissed or frustrated with is the rush of excitment, that passionate kiss that leaves you clothesless and on the dining room table. At least I have or should I say still have the memory. I also think that hormones come into play big time. Since my hysterectomy I have very little desire, or success with what was that thing orgasim?

January 16, 2001
10:30 pm
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janes
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Me too Molly...when I am in shape or at least exercising regularly...I feel better aabout myself.

I think some of it is mindset..pure and simple. I get great pleasure from sex but it has been better since I have tried to be less controlling.

Another thing that helped me (that I have to start again) is progesterone cream...

When our hormones get screwed up we sometimes don't want to...

And check your

January 16, 2001
10:47 pm
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Molly
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And check my what????????? don't leave me hanging, I want it I want it. Right after the surgury they put me on 1.25 premarin I felt great, better than I had in years, then the weight gain, after 2 years, the doc reduced me to .625 I took it for 2 more years daily. I started reading, and believed I became estrogen toxic, depressed, fat, lethargic etc.. The body never produced that much estrogen on a daily basis!! I haven't taken the premarin for almost 3 years. One or two here and there, but not regular.I managed to drop 50lbs. When I came back my spouse gave me a .25 mg testosterone, I felt some energy, I took it for a week, but got fearful of hair and acne so stopped. I know there is something lacking, and I fear heart disease, and osteoporise, you know what I mean, and know that my cholestrol level is up due to hormones or lack of them, but just like everyone with antidepressants fear of what ever. I need to get a blood test done its been 3 years now since they did a panel, and I think I have a thyroid issue, I should be so lucky to blame lethargy, and fat on that one, but I don't want to be a science project. The sweats for the most part just stopped, three years but they are over. But energy, memory, and drive suck, so maybe I should.... The chiropracter stated something about the cream, but I have no ovaries, and haven't for years, does that make a difference? Then what about brest cancer see I am afraide.

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