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Am all confused...
July 27, 2000
4:19 pm
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Calyssia
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September 24, 2010
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I am in need of some counseling.

I find myself repeating the same patterns in my love life which is making me perpetually unhappy. I don't know why I make these choices in life or why I do what I do, when I clearly see that it isn't making me happy, I cannot bring myself to change the behavior.

I have been involved in a relationship since I was 16. I had my first real boyfriend when I was 16. We were seriously involved. My insecurity issues I believe lie with this relationship. He would lie to me consistently and I fear he might've even cheated on me though I didn't want to know at the time. We broke up about 20 times but I took him back every single time. I was with him for 6 years. Upon which I met someone else and escaped to be with him.

Someone completely different. Yet no better. This person had no respect for me or my family. He was selfish and never thought about anyone but himself. I knew he wasn't good for me, but I couldn't bear to leave him hurting his feelings so I stuck around and when I sought the comfort of another guy, my boyfriend tried to kill himself, so for sure then I felt I couldn't leave him. I kept staying with him though I was very unhappy. Then I finally met someone else and left him. I was with him for two years…

This next guy was similar to the first boyfriend in personality except he didn't lie at all. Finally I met someone who would treat me right, but I had no trust left in me, I serious insecurity issues and if the smallest doubt of our relationship appeared I was already seeking someone else to fall back on…

I meet guys online and they fawn over me… (and over every other person with a female name I'm sure), and I fall for it… and I flirt back and it gets out of control, next thing they wanna make plans to meet or even more serious plans and I don't know how to say no. I don't know how to assert myself and make them aware that this is not a good idea.

I ruin the relationships I'm in regardless of whether I'm happy or not because I can't feel secure enough in it. I get involved in destructive relationships and I don't know how to get myself out of them because I have this enormous feeling of guilt. I can't be mean to another person, not directly. I don't like to hurt Anyone…

I don't know what to do, I see myself repeating the same patterns and I don't know how to stop myself. My last boyfriend means the world to me, and I ultimately believe I want to marry him in my future, but I keep getting involved with these others guys even though I don't even want to… it's as though I can't stop myself…

I'm scared because the last guy I got involved with changed his life to be with me… and I want to go back to my old boyfriend but this guy has implied on several occasions that if I did, he would kill my old boyfriend, and if he is capable of that he may also be capable of more… I'm fearful of doing anything in this situation.

I'm not sure what to do… Please help…

July 28, 2000
6:48 am
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lady
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Instead of looking for a boyfrien to make you like a whole person, start
looking at yourself. You said that
you have insecurity issues. Could
this be from a lack of self esteem?
Are you thinking that you don't deserve a guy that will be nice to you
and treat you with respect and dignity? Wanting to find someone else
to replace your boyfriend suggests that you don't want to be alone to deal with some of the things bottled up inside you. You're looking for someone else to make it right, and chances are you will never find HIM...
the answers are inside of you. I don't know if any of this makes sense,
but try to be a friend to yourself, do
things for yourself to make you feel good and over time you will find that
you feel good about who you are, and
when you are with a man you will expect to be treated properly and won't settle for anything less. I may
be way off base here, but it's worth a thought.
Lady

July 28, 2000
11:21 pm
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Nightbird
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September 24, 2010
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Yes. please look inside and listen to your heart. The heart never lies, but we need to be int une with it in order to understand what our heart is saying. If you are not happy with yourself, you will never be happy with anyone else. When the true self is found, there will all else follow. Your needs will evolve over time, its normal to change. But be true to yourself, and good to yourself, listen to your heart.It will be a good and steady companion that will never fail. Good luck my dear.

July 29, 2000
2:03 am
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buzz
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Try getting head more often. It will work wonders.

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