Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
always mess relationships up when i open up about my sexual abuse
April 25, 2009
9:04 pm
Avatar
wishing for a healthy day
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey , new to this, but thought Id give it a try because as of now, I have nothing else to go by.

ive been dating this guy for a year now, and i finally was 100% honest with him and i told him everything about my childhood, and the sexual abuse, and the distrust that i have for any and everyone. i actually told him that i felt i could trust and confide in him. told him about my real thoughts with anxiety and suicide feelings. he used to tell me he had similar issues. but out of the blue he is telling me that i am crazy and need help.
to hear that from a guy who you thought was there for you when you had no one else to turn too is just devastating.
im so lost..so alome.. and desperatley need someone with the similar things to help me get through this.

thanks ...

April 25, 2009
9:06 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

what did you actually tell him...and why would he say you are crazy and need help??? is the sexual abuse "alot"....maybe he is scared and wants to get out, and maybe its time to talk to a professional, air your thoughts, work on yourself, then move onto a relationship.....just a thought.

April 26, 2009
2:05 am
Avatar
CraigCo
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wishing 4,

Pretty sad of your significant other to use that personal info against you in that way. Sounds like he has some issues of his own. My ex had confided in me with her personal abuse issues & I can't imagine telling her such a thing. That's a really low blow. I believe that Camer's suggestion for you to speak with a professional is good advise. You've got to start feeling better about yourself to move ahead. You don't deserve to continually feel so bad about your troubled past.

April 26, 2009
2:53 am
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Is that how he phrased it? That was insensitive if so...or did he recommend that you seek a therapist?

Is your SO really bailing on you?

agree with others that if you haven't yet, perhaps speaking with a mental health professional would be helpful

April 26, 2009
3:14 am
Avatar
wishing for a healthy day
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i did not be specific of the abuse...i let him, in our year long relationship tell me what he was feeling, and i never said anything about myself ever., then after i slightly told him anout my anxietys, which ive never done, he let me in for so many months and then he told me to my face i was crazy : (
i know people can be passive agressive but ... damn really ??

if you can help me.... please help

April 26, 2009
5:50 pm
Avatar
penny lane
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Wishing...

I am so sorry that his response to your honesty was "fear related"..that is how I would term it if someone has such an over-the-top reaction to something.

Let me ask you though...in the year that you have been dating..how could you hide from him some insecurites...or issues..that obviously would be present in a relationship? I cant imagine that you hide things so well...or...that you have worked them through before this relationship...that you would not have been fearful to share earlier...but I can say how courageous you are to open yourself up and be honest...which is the best way to live...:)

This person may not have the coping skills or understanding skills to be in a relationship with someone who has had these life experiences...so...my advice..find someone who you have no fears in sharing your innermost feelings and emotions with ..someone with an open and caring heart to accept all the beauty and complications you bring to a relationship...good luck

April 26, 2009
6:45 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Wishing))), It's sad that he chose to respond this way when you opened up to him. Regardless of his reason, he was less than compassionate and you do not need that. I once told a guy about my abuse and he got upset with me. I looked at him and just didn't know what to say. What I never did again, is never talked to him. Not even to explain the reason to him. I was done.

In retrospect, I wish I would have told him every foul thing that went through my mind after his reaction. It would have been the first time, I stood up for myself against an abuser. I bet you, I would have broken the cycle of meeting heartless men, and people in general.

So, if you have the opportunity, I would suggest letting this man know how you feel about his reaction, and I would also suggest leaving him. You do not need that from anyone. Also, there is a confidence that comes over you when you stand-up for yourself. Keep posting!!!

April 27, 2009
1:46 pm
Avatar
wishing for a healthy day
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you to all of you that have sent supportive messages.

Ive read them all and its helping.

Im about to leave for my very 1st counceling session.

Ill let you all know how it goes.

Again thanks.

April 27, 2009
5:07 pm
Avatar
wishing for a healthy day
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

just got home and therapy was refreshing. I am going to leave the boyfriend for good and focus on myself. I still have bad anxiety but I am trying so hard to get through it and be strong. If anyone wants to chat, email me, Ill be checking.

*the hopeful one*

April 29, 2009
3:30 am
Avatar
CraigCo
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 39
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

W4HD,

Good 4 you! You've taken a big step forward and you should feel good about that. Keep it up!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111020
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38570
Posts: 714311
Newest Members:
cosmo789, bravelassie, Chloe12, future life, austinjacob, Hadity1
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information