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ALWAYS IN THE PAST
December 26, 2000
3:47 pm
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lewis
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I CAN'T MOVE ON, CERTAIN ISSUES PLAGUE MY MIND. I THINK ABOUT PEOPLE I'VE KNOWN, LOVED ETC AND WISH I COULD DO IT ALL AGAIN, RE-LIVE THE EXPERIENCE. IT MAKES ME SAD, WHY DO I DO THIS? I FEEL LIKE I'VE WASTED TIME, AND THAT TIME IS RUNNIMG OUT TO START AGAIN.

December 26, 2000
3:54 pm
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Molly
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We call that shoulda woulda coulda thinking, and that is stopped by being in the present, and doing what ever, but doing. Create a plan, make some goals, and stick to them. I fight the demons of the past, I have made some mistakes, but we can't change that so I try to think foreward.I now shake my head, and move on, and it works until I stop doing, and moving forward. So shake your head, and do.

December 26, 2000
10:03 pm
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janes
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molly's right.

If you feel like you have wasted time stop wasting it and LIVE!!!!!

December 26, 2000
11:56 pm
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Asa
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I hear ya Lewis. I've wasted a lot of time rehashing and in many cases rewriting the past; especially where it concerns relationships. When I enter difficult or lustless times in my marriage, I easily go back to the past and relive failed relationships and convince myself that they really were much better than the relationship with my partner I have right now. I beat up on myself for bailing on some of those women and I start to believe that I should not have left them in the first place adn that "things" were really fine and "healthy". Well the fact is that I do all of the above and more because it helps me not deal (avoid)with the issues at hand in my marriage and also helps me not face the reality of who I am as a middle-aged married father of two girls. I've escaped this way from "doing", as Molly suggests, for many years. But now I've turn somewhat of a corner with this problem and I try to stop it and focus on either, something positive I'm doing right now or try to think of what in the "present" I'm trying to avoid.
Sometimes it works, sometimes not. But I feel I'm making progress.

I hope I was of some help.........

December 28, 2000
3:43 pm
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lewis
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Thankyou for your response, i can relate to these issues.
Recently I thought about life with its quite times and lively times. I guess at present i'm in a quite period, which has caused me to reflect. However reflection can be both healthy and unhealthy.
I have been doing some reading and found two quotes that clarify living in the past. 'A most difficult truth to teach is that only the present exits now and to stay from it distracts from the living quality of reality.' (Polster & Polster)

'Peris maintains that we tend to cling to our past in order to justify our unwillingness to assume responsibilty for the present. By remaining in the past, we can play endless games of blame for the way we are'.
(Gestalt Therapy. Elenaor O'Leary).

I feel more postive, I think I've known for a while now that I have to move forward. Now is what matters. It's a Big step.

Cheers for the response.

December 28, 2000
7:26 pm
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Molly
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It is like two steps foreward, one step back, then three steps foreward, and no looking back. Practice make perfect. Celebrate.

December 30, 2000
8:53 pm
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Brenda
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bring meaning to your past....
the wake does not steer the boat, dont let it steer you. Create a new future using the lessons and gifts you received from the past ( meaning )

December 31, 2000
12:17 am
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BESL
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ITS HARD NOT TO LET THE PAST BE A PART OF THE PRESENT. I'VE BEEN THERE TOO. IT'S PAINFUL, I KNOW. FIND SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOUR TIME, SOMTHING THAT IS CONSTRUCTIVE. I DON'T THINK OUR PAST IS A MISTAKE, JUST ROADS TO THE PATH WE ARE ON.

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