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Alright guys, I need some input
March 1, 2004
3:32 pm
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Anonymous
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So he called me last night late at night, and implied he wanted me to come over, and when I finally was like okay, he was like I dont think this is a good idea, so I said alright, I talked to him today, asked him to lunch he called back later and I told him I had gone home and taken a nap for lunch already, then he I asked if he wanted to go to dinner, and he said he didnt know so I basically told him I wasnt going to keep trying he said he would keep that in mind. I told him to for once stop playing the game and tell me what he was thinking, he said he didnt hink it was a good idea to hang out since he hadnt figured out what we were yet. I agreed and said we needed to talk about about it, he agreed so we are going to talk later. Heres what I wonder, Im at the point where I am okay to walk away yeah it will hurt, but I know i could do it now. And so do I just tell him that, I would like to see how our relationship could be without all the game playing I just dont know if hes capable of that. I do know that if he says he just doesnt see this working out though, that regardless of that he will still call, because everything must be on his terms, and so forth. I am just confused. I sometimes think if we could just start over maybe it will be different but I don't know how logical that thought is. So when I talk to him tonight, I dont quite know what I will say and I certainly dont know what he will say. Any suggestions on how to handle this one?

March 1, 2004
3:41 pm
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artist 2
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The question: What do you need for you?

1. Will you be less confused out of this?

2. Will you have more time if you don't have this uncertainty?

3. Are you responsible for what he wants?

4. Do you think there are other people who know what they want?

It's time to make some decisions for yourself. You need to tell him.

March 1, 2004
3:48 pm
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marley
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Aces -

More time equals more pain. Decide what it is you want and go for it. If you want a relationship where you don't play games, then try to work it out with him and say "listen I want to work things out with you but I am not going to play games."

Then if he plays games just watch him and don't play games back, know that they are just games because he is afraid of losing control. Tell him he doesn't have to worry about losing you b/c you made the decision to stay and stick it out regardless and you are just going to wait and see what happens, without the games, just being yourself.

In doing that, don't forget to do the things that you need to do for yourself. Do not put him first, if you already went to lunch, kudos to you for not taking him up on his offer.

Also since he seems to be sitting the fence, I think it is up to you to decide what you want to do (I am in the same boat really, with the fence sitting and all of that). My Ex will say one day, I think we should not spend so much time together and so I say ok I won't see you until next week and then we see each other everyday and that isn't good either b/c at the end of the week one of us is horribly behind in our own life agendas and we resent the other.

So since you guys have an issue with trust (i.e. since he thinks you are cheating on him & I don't know what you think) I would suggest you guys make some sort of arrangement where you agree to not sleep with other people but to not feel the need to be together constantly (b/c his need to see you I think is directly connected to his need to know what you are doing and who you are doing it with and the bottom line is - you can do whatever you want).

Does this help? I know I am rambling . . .
Marley

March 1, 2004
4:18 pm
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I agree with you totally Marley and the funny thing is when I suggested dinner and said it didnt mean sex, he jumps on that thinking I dont want to have sex. I know that right now I end it, you know just be done, but Im afraid of it being final you know, like the finality of it, at least when we fight there is still that thought that we will be together again and it isnt so bad, but to totally end it means wow, you know. Its completely done with and that is scary

March 1, 2004
4:34 pm
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artist 2
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I know it's scary and it takes more than just ending it. You have those feelings... that stay and it feels soooo strange. You love him and your heart says why don't you go be with him? Love is blind and it doesn't see that the feeling isn't reciprocated. Saying you are ending it is the first step. You will need healing afterwards. Get your friends behind you and prepare to take care of yourself. You will be able to love again. And telling you all this is healing for me, as I'm learning how to deal with my break up.

March 1, 2004
4:42 pm
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marley
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aces -

hey I just wanted to let you in on a little mantra that I am *trying* to use to help me through all of this psycho babble in my head.

Today is NOW, and when you remember yesterday that was NOW and when you live the future that will be NOW, so why do we stress so much about the things that we can't control. If we can root ourselves in NOW there are no problems right this second. And maybe if I think this way long enough instead of looking at the big picture or trying to see my life through a crystal ball then I will be happy NOW instead of waiting to be happy in the future or remembering being happy in the past.

Plus there is always snowboarding, if you ever want to play hookie and cry about lost love on the chair lift - let me know!

March 1, 2004
6:30 pm
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Yeah Marley that sounds like a great idea, where do you like to board at I love A Basin,,, love it, I just can't see him and I ever being happy, I am trying to not play the game back and it is just feeding his control frenzy and that is what I find the most difficult, I mean thats all this is to him is just a game, which is sad in itself, its sad that I can let someone hurt me I mean I was being nice to him last night and wasnt saying anything at the time and out of nowhere he is like shut up, and I said I didnt even say anything and he goes I know just shut up, what is that, it baffles my mind. Truly does, but living in the now, Im going to see Passion of the Christ tonight, hoping it will take my mind off Of HIM

March 1, 2004
6:38 pm
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marley
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I heard Passion is pretty grusome! I think I am going this weekend.

LOVE the basin, LOVE it. Best long islands in CO.

Good luck with getting your mind off of him, fortunately for me, my work keeps me dizzy enough lately (although I have this nagging feeling like I SHOULD pick him up, I just emailed a friend and told him it was HIS problem)

Take care!

March 1, 2004
6:52 pm
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Pick him up? From where? Yeah I hope it will be enlightening,,,, yeah BAsin is the best, So how long have you been boarding? So what are you doing with your guy? Anything new? I hate this confusing crap all the time

March 1, 2004
7:43 pm
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marley
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Not picking him up from the airport - whole long drawn out saga written elsewhere. I have been boarding for about 10 years (with a couple seasons off for injuries, etc.)

You?

March 2, 2004
11:14 am
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Thats right, you stil had to decide what you were going to wear? Ive been boarding for 7 years with injuries too in between. OK so are you here cause i have a huge story to tell you

March 2, 2004
11:18 am
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marley
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Yes I am here (I decided what to wear IF I go - I think). Do you want to start a new thread?

March 2, 2004
11:19 am
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artist 2
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I wanna snow board too!! but, here I am way down here. It snowed about an inch two weeks ago and the whole city shut down. Lines into the grocery store of thousands for bread, milk and peanut butter...

March 2, 2004
11:26 am
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marley
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Artist - where are you that you would shut down for an inch of snow? Texas?

March 2, 2004
11:38 am
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Marley you crack me up,,,, so yeah big big story from last night, so I went to the movie, stupid called me before I was going I told him I was going and he didnt believe I was going alone so he went with me, after that we went back to my place, sex, then fought, Ive realized that everytime, after we have sex, he starts an argument. Is that strange?

March 2, 2004
11:03 pm
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Zinnie
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Hey! We Texans don't need an inch of snow to close everything down here! We only need 1/10 of an inch. I kid you not. The least little bit of snow and folks here freak out. I can drive in it, and I grew up in sunny Southern California!

Although - in defense of the Texans - as my husband is a native - we usually don't get snow, we get hard packed ice. Which is dangerous.

Carry on.

Z.

March 3, 2004
6:48 am
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artist 2
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Further south in Texas we don't even get ice. Snows, then it's 42 degrees by mid-day. That's why everyone here swims instead. burrrrrrr! I'm a sun baby myself.

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