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All Anxious and Apprehensive! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 9, 2003
8:43 pm
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I am going through something right now, so I am reaching out for support. About three weeks ago, I had sex with this woman I met in a store. We hit it off when we met and we talked on and off for about a year. Anyway, on the day of our joyful reunion, after 3 months of not speaking, we had sex. 1 problem, during intercourse, the condom came off and I immediately pulled out. Hours later, I fingered her pussy not realizing I had a cut on my finger. Again, when I felt my cut start stinging, I pulled out my fingers and I poured bleach over the cut at once. Now, I am planning to get tested for HIV just to be safe once three months elapse. One problem. What do I do in the meantime? I am so anxious and don't know what to do. It's killing me inside. Anyone with advice would be appreciated. And please don't tell me how stupid I was, I already know that. Don't need any smacks in the head, I've already smacked myself enough. I just need some support right now!

January 9, 2003
9:07 pm
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Well in terms of the sex - males are at a lower risk of contracting HIV than what females are (a greater volume of fluids flows out of the male into the female that occurs the other way around). Obviously that doesn't mean that males CAN'T contract HIV, but that and given that you pulled out straight away is certainly in your favour.

As far as the cut - there's a possibility, but pouring bleach on there straight away gives you a fighting chance.

Are you aware of this person's 'history' (partners, how many, how long ago, protected or not, drug use etc)? It would be worthwhile finding this out. In the mean time all you can do is wait and try not to stress out about it. What's done is done, however, obviously you need to be doubly careful of any activities you do until the test results come back and you're aware of what your situation is. I hope you're OK!

January 9, 2003
9:59 pm
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Mr. A., I would bet that there is a 99.998% chance that you are perfectly fine. And when you think about it, there is a greater chance of you getting hit by a car on your way to work than there is of you contracting HIV through the method you describe. Get tested, because as a single person, it's a good idea to get tested anyway, because you can contract diseases with a condom on and intact too, that 99.998% chance again. From what I have read about your posting, you don't strike me as the type of guy to become attracted to a woman with a sleazy history, or a woman who would put you at unnecessary risk.

As for the cut stinging? If she were infected or not, the cut might sting later, or become infected just from plain old bacteria and abrasion, nothing out of the ordinary. If you had rubbed your cut finger up and down on your couch for a few minutes, I bet the cut would sting later on as well.

I wouldn't worry too much. In the mean time? I would say to just continue to be careful, as you were in this instance.

January 10, 2003
6:11 am
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I'm kinda glad thi thread appeared.I have a question too.Like Mr A said, if I had a cut on my finger,and well, did the opposite to a guy,could I catch somehting like that? Also, can you get an STI from oral sex without a condom?My head has been pounding about this as i'm confused.I heard you can get gonnoreah from oral sex,but its not very likely is it?

January 10, 2003
11:21 am
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Any contact where you are exchanging bodily fluids, whether through cuts in places you can see or places that you can't, puts the person at risk. Some behaviors are riskier than others, and the more often you engage in that behavior, the more at risk you put yourself. Just like if there is a 1 in 100 chance you will get hit by a car by crossing a particular street, and you do this 3 times, you are basically adding probabilities: there is a 3 in 100 chance that you will have gotten hit by a car during one of those trips. Does this make sense?

Abstinence is really the only way to guarantee you won't get anything, just like boarding yourself up in your house is the only way to guarantee you won't get hit by a car. Not following the abstinence rule myself, I can only advise you to minimize your risk: pick your partners carefully, opt for monogamy, and use protection.

January 10, 2003
6:26 pm
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Oral SEX...is sex...(regardless of Bill Clinton) and although chances of contracting diseases may be lower they are still there.

Exchange of bodily fluids is the key...and that's where care needs to be taken.

January 10, 2003
6:33 pm
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So, how have you been feeling lately ? Most that I am aware of that have contracted HIV/Aids with in the first 6 weeks of contact have had the worst case of the flue, were talking emergency room stuff..... That was pre awareness where they got treated for the flu, and forgot about the whopps incident, then later discover that they are positive. I hope this information helps you to exhale, casual sex just seems to be more anxiety provoking than fun, however in the moment, people really do toss caution to the wind. Don't beat your self up yet, and believe me, your not the only one that goes through this, I can't believe still today the number of people that won't don't use condoms, at least you were smart enough to try to be cautious.

January 12, 2003
1:03 pm
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u can pour bleach and it will kinda help it? the bleach for washing clothes or something?

January 13, 2003
10:26 pm
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Hey all,

Everything seems to be going well with me. I've been exercising and taking vitamins, and eating healthier since the last post. I guess my real anxiety comes from the fact that I know I have put myself in unnecessary danger. But, at this point I am at peace. I am praying dilligently that I am not infected. But in the event of the worst case scenario, I am willing to put up an all out fight. I refuse to die! Nothing is going to keep me down, I mean nothing! I just won't allow it. I have been attending bible study groups and meditating. Believe it or not, I actually feel pretty healthy. I have not had any flulike symptoms and it's been 4 weeks since the sexual intercourse. Is this in my favor? I remember Molly posting about flulike symptoms. Well, that is all for tonight. I am getting ready to go to bed for tonight. You all have been wonderful. Please promise me you will be here throughout this stressful ordeal. I need the support. You just don't know how much each and every one fo you means to me. Be blesed.

Mr. Anonymous

January 14, 2003
9:55 pm
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January 14, 2003
10:45 pm
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Lessons, lessons, lessons.... HIV is not the only worry, infact statistics says it is less than naught. There is a morning after treatment if you knew for sure she was infected , health care workers use it. You also need to wonder about Hep C, or B, not that I want to intrupt your comfy state, and I doubt these are real issues for you, contracting these viruses aren't all that easy. The fact that you haven't had the flu symptoms is a big deal.

Be careful.

January 15, 2003
10:07 am
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Thanks Molly,

Actually, I was vaccinated a year ago for hepatitis and I have been feeling quite healthy. It was a month ago that I had intercourse with this woman. So now, you say that not having flulike symptoms is a big deal. Does that mean that there is even less of a chance that I contracted HIV? I really feel very healthy right now too. I looked in the mirror this morning and saw a very healthy young man. But then, I thought about exactly why you can't look at someone and tell that they are infected with HIV. That is because they still have a large number of T4-Cells. Enough so that they look and even feel healthy. Because during the years of disease progression, HIV positive patients can still fight off HIV infection. Now, I just need to know, does not having flulike symptoms mean I am at less of a risk of contracting HIV?

January 15, 2003
10:09 am
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made a mistake should say HIV positive patients can still fight off germs during the years of disease progression.

January 16, 2003
9:05 pm
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Hey all,

Me again. Just looking back at this week and a million things are going through my head. I think the reason I had sex with this woman is simple when I really think about it. I still have issues with being molested as a child. And as hard as it is to touch this subject, I guess I was having sexual issues. So, in order to get rid of those issues, I thought, hmm..... maybe I should just screw every girl that's willing. Then, the issues will take care of themselves. Wrong, here I am again, stuck with issues. Well, I gotta go, got company. My family is in town until Sunday and I don't want them to come in here and see me typing this. Heck, I didn't even talk with them about this yet. I don't think I will this weekend. We're all excited about superbowl Sunday. I might post more once they've all gone to sleep tonight.

January 16, 2003
11:34 pm
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What is this girl like? Do you like her? Does she seem like the type you need to "worry" about?

January 17, 2003
1:21 pm
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gingerleigh,

She really doesn't seem like the type I'd need to worry about. Heck, she's a preacher's kid. But, you can still never be too careful. I mean, there are a lot of people with wonderful personalities living with HIV and the majority of them look very healthy. That's what's so dangerous. You cannot look at someone and tell that they are infected. Her past history is what concerns me. She has had a few partners and she is a sex addict. She loves sex. I think that's a dangerous combination. But, I know my risk isn't very high. I talked to some people on the HIV hotline and they informed me that my risk is very slim because I pulled out quickly and I was protected most of the time (up until the condom broke). That means that I came into contact with much less fluid than if I just had straight unprotected sex. So really, although I am still a little nervous, I am more relieved that I have spoken to them and now I know my risk is not very high.

January 17, 2003
1:41 pm
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Glad that you are relieved. I do have a question though... just because your partner really loves sex, does that make her a sex addict? I thought that sexual addiction was much more serious than just really enjoying the activity.

January 18, 2003
3:16 pm
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Ginger,

Perhaps you are right . . . I just used the term sex addict to illustrate that she had been with many men besides me and that kind of concerns me. But at this point, I seriously doubt that I am infected. Still, I will make absolutely certain by being tested in a couple of months. But all of this has taught me a valuable lesson. To value life. We often wonder why don't I have a lot of money, why isn't my car so fancy, and we spend lots of time in self pity and gossiping about others. When in actuality, we ought to be thankful for our lives, our health, and our strength. Just as easy as one is here, one's life can be snubbed out. It amazes me how it takes 36 hours to conceive a life and just 10 seconds to destroy one. So much goes on in this world today and it's a shame. Every moment that I'm alive, every morning that I open my eyes, I am inclined to look up at the sky and say thank you Lord for letting me see THIS day.

I leave with a final quote from my favorite song "One Day At a Time."

I'm only human, I'm just a man

Help me believe in all I could be

And all that I am.

Lord show me the stairway that I have to climb.

And Lord for my sake, teach me to take one day at a time.

January 18, 2003
11:07 pm
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so true "It amazes me how it takes 36 hours to conceive a life and just 10 seconds to destroy one"

did u get the results back?

January 19, 2003
3:39 pm
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Lisset, won't be able to take the test until March because it takes 3 months for HIV antibodies to show up. Hence, that test wouldn't be accurate. I am just working now to try and keep myself feeling sane and reassured by the fact that although possible, HIV infection in this case is not very likely. Therefore, I am working at staying healthy so I will know that I am fine.

January 21, 2003
9:57 pm
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Just checking back in. Today, completed yet another workout. It's winter here in the United States and surprisingly I have not been sick once yet. Been taking my vitamins and tomorrow I will be going to pick up the newest addition, cat's claw. This stuff is said to work wonders for the immune system. Well, that is all for now, I am a student teacher in my last year of college. Gotta go now and prepare my lessons for tomorrow.

Hasta Manana

Mr. A

January 22, 2003
1:17 pm
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