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ALERT! ALERT! Help! (2bstrong)
April 25, 2007
12:15 pm
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2bstrong
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Got an email from Dr. B just now
Hey Bendy Just seeing how things are with you. Are you still in love with your young Doctor?!?!?!?! My whole future life in the romance dept essentially fell apart. Very difficult stuff. Still struggling a bit but I know it is the right thing. Hope things are well with you. The Heater

***************************************

I'm shaking....

April 25, 2007
12:18 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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huh? decipher?

does this mean his engagement is off?

stay away sweetie...don't tell him anything...he is rebounding and coming back to you for comfort.

he should have CHOSEN YOU in the first place...because he didn't, too bad, so sad, you snooze you lose.

If you go back...you would be allowing yourself to be "second choice"...when nothing else worked out for him

Go back and read all that stuff you wrote...this guy is bad news.

don't reply.

April 25, 2007
12:20 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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my ex-ex recently did the same.

he came back, saying he missed me and how good I was to him.

yeah, but how come he didn't realize it BEFORE he got dumped????

no, he is only coming back cuz he needs someone to love him...someone to stroke his ego and tell him he's wonderful.

he didn't choose you (not trying to sound mean here)....but he didn't choose you FIRST....he is chosing you now cuz he has nobody else.

don't go there....you deserve better.

April 25, 2007
12:24 pm
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Loralei
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2b, Rising is right. Stay away and don't respond. He is just falling back on you because he knows you want him. The problem is that he doesn't want you or he would have chosen you in the first place. Don't settle for being second place in anyone's life. Don't let him use you. (((2b)))

April 25, 2007
12:26 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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loralei...short and sweet...exactly what I was trying to say.

April 25, 2007
12:42 pm
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danielle7373
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don't call him!! i agree with loralei - he's calling you because he's lost control of you.

you deserve better than him.

keep us posted.

April 25, 2007
12:46 pm
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feelingfree
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She saw his TRUE COLORS just like I told you she would.
If there ever really WAS a "she" that is.

2b- I have come to care about you soooo much.. and I will tell you, I would LOVE to get an e like that from ex-N.. just for my ego. And then I would fall the hell apart and my life as I know it would end.

Please TRY AND STAY STRONG.
You know what the right thing is to do.

I know you want to contact.. I know you want him to cry on your shoulder and tell you he was a fool to let you go.

Do you really want to be 2nd choice?
Do you really want this game to go on forever? He is looking to you for comfort. After ripping your heart apart with his E.. he looks to you for comfort now. Ughh.

Your dream last night was a WARNING.
Single bed in the basement.
Flying a kite while you needed care.

Keep posting.. no matter what you decide to do.. just keep posting.

Lots of love..
(((2b)))

April 25, 2007
12:49 pm
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feelingfree
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PS- you should have told him you were engaged like I did.. LOL.. then maybe he wouldn't have contacted 😉

April 25, 2007
12:51 pm
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danielle7373
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wow... that dream! i read it on the other thread. what a warning!!

Stay strong 2b!! We all know it's not easy. We're here to support you.

Re-read all your posts and be proud of yourself!!

April 25, 2007
12:51 pm
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katzndog
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What crappy timing he has! I agree with everything everyone has said here. 2b, it sounded like you were always getting just the crumbs from Dr. B. You deserve the whole cake.

Hang on and don't get back on that bus!

April 25, 2007
12:54 pm
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turnabout
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oh good grief, what a loser. Trying to turn to you for emotional support after all he's done?!!! How stupidly oblivious!

You don't have to DO anything, 2b. You don't owe him ANYTHING. You hear me???

April 25, 2007
1:01 pm
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turnabout
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And now we have confirmation of what we all suspected about his contact 2(?) weeks ago. He was making sure you were on the backburner. Probably saw the writing on the wall with his engagement even then. I'm sure he did. Endings don't really come out of the blue, even when they do manage to surprise us. The surprise is more often due to our denial of what's happening than the absence of signs.

I can't tell you whether to answer him or not, but you should sit on this until you calm down. You aren't obliged to answer him at all, you know. So give it time until you can clearly see what YOU WANT to do with it, if anything.

April 25, 2007
1:05 pm
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feelingfree
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****Are you still in love with your young Doctor?!?!?!?! ****

SAY YES!!!!!!!!!
SAY YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember the last time he threw out the bait.. you immediately told him you missed him and regretted it!

DONT TAKE THE BAIT 2B
STAY IN CONTROL!!!!
THIS IS YOUR MOMENT!

April 25, 2007
1:05 pm
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StronginHim77
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I am praying that you will make the wisest choice and that you will protect yourself from a man with a proven track record of abusing and mistreating you, emotionally.

- Ma Strong

April 25, 2007
1:13 pm
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2bstrong
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Ok. My hands have stopped shaking now. The first thing I want to say is, Turnabout is right. There is a book called "Uncoupling", and in it, they say even the shortest relationships, one of the partners will no in advance of ending it that it is actually over. He knew this engagement/relationship was doomed before he even proposed. In my opinion he is the CLASSIC commitmentphobic. Knowing Dr. B, he was caught up in the excitement of the event. And once the dust settled (Three weeks! Just like our relationship) reality set in and Dr. B had to find an "escape hatch"--one the he knew was there before he even proposed. I have to tell ya, the tell tale sign to me was that he said he was "engaged!!!!!" not "I'm getting married!!!!".

His last contact with me was Monday, March 26. That's when I received the announcement.

I think he has so many issues. He is very emotionally stunted, so of course he reached out to me. Probably the one person who's tolerated his stupid shenanigans in his life. He's torn between what he wants to do in life (be a bachelor), and what he feels that he should do (get married and have a family). I've told him this.

I am torn. I know in writing the "saga", I have doubted what he has told me. I feel for him and his ex-fiance. I wonder if there are other women that he's doing this with? Will he run back to the fiance if I become available? So many questions. Obviously I still care for him, but I need to write about what's good for me in this situation. I will respond to his email. I'm not sure what I'm going to say.

All this speculation these past four weeks, and I should have trusted my gut. His life has NOT BEEN a bed of roses.

FeelingFree: Are you making a note of this?!

April 25, 2007
1:17 pm
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2bstrong
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I should respond to his question with, "Why? Are you in love with me?"

And I LOVE it that he remembered YOUNG DOCTOR!!!!!!!!! I am soooooooooooo glad I wrote that in the response!

I know. I am being immature.

April 25, 2007
1:23 pm
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atalose
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No response would be the best response of all.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 25, 2007
1:27 pm
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feelingfree
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2b~ YES, I am taking note. Believe me.. this threw me for a major loop.. but in a VERY GOOD WAY. For some reason I am feeling relieved and happy right now. Happy that we are RIGHT ON THE MARK with everything we've been saying about these guys.. and my ex-N will, no doubt, be in the same boat as Dr. B. It might not happen tomorrow- maybe not even a year from now- but it WILL happen.. because no woman will put up with his true colors.

My ex-H just told me he expects ex-N to do the exact thing (contact me) as Dr. B just did. But I told him no.. he thinks I'm engaged. And I'm so proud of myself that I told him that. I closed the door. He may try one day, and my ego really hopes he does.. so I can say "gee, I'm sorry to hear that.. but I'M HAPPY AND HAVE MOVED ON.

That's what I'd love for you to say to the good Dr.

Love ya!

April 25, 2007
1:36 pm
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Loralei
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I agree with atalose. "No response would be the best response of all."

If you respond, you are involving yourself with him again. Unless you respond by lambasting the crappy way he treated you and dumping him, you are better off going the NO CONTACT route. If you respond in any manner other than telling him adios and to leave you alone, you are inviting him back into your life. Why on earth would you want to do that? Don't make excuses for his bad behavior and the way he treated you. Do what is best for YOU. And I don't see how being used or being "second best" is in your best interest. Love can often blind us to the reality of a situation.

April 25, 2007
1:38 pm
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turnabout
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Give it time, 2b. Even though you aren't shakey anymore, you are still in reaction mode. Who's to say you even saw his e-mail today? Maybe you don't see it until,..oh, say... Monday?

April 25, 2007
1:41 pm
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feelingfree
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2b~

I agree with Loralei & Turn~ don't react yet. Give your emotions time to calm down. I know how you must be feeling.. you thought you had "lost him forever".. he was getting married.. it was over, period.
And you went thru the grief and mourning.. and now HERE HE IS!
I'm sure you are torn between massive RELIEF and a little bit of anger that he's trying to use you again.
There is no hurry to do anything right now. The ball is completely in YOUR COURT. You have all the control. He's NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
Obviously. LOLOL

April 25, 2007
1:48 pm
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sdesigns
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2B:

First of all- the slimeball is again doing it by EMAIL and doesn't have the "knobbly balls" to speak to you in person. I say CHICKENSHIT!

He's a mouse, not a man.

Second- I KNEW this engagement thing wasn't going to work. BUT 2B, it isn't going to work for him EVER- so remember that. Don't let him in and let him do this to you ANYMORE.

Third- I totally agree with those above- he is calling you his second choice. You don't deserve to be second- you deserve to be first. And don't please fall into the trap of saying OK, now I'll be his first. Nope, no way. He's already shown you where you stand.

Last- I KNOW you are going to respond to him. Just please wait awhile- like days or weeks- before you do. PLEASE!! Do not go running to him just cuz he's made a mess for himself. Best option is not to respond, but I think I know you well enough now to know you will.

Protect yourself, kiddo. Look how far you have come. Don't throw that out the window just cuz he wiggles his finger.

SD

April 25, 2007
1:51 pm
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turnabout
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I gotta throw this out there. Can you believe THE NERVE of asking about 2b's love life? He didn't ask about anything else that's important to her, he was JUST FISHING to find out if she was available!!!! Ugh!

2b, since he took himself out of it, your love life is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. I hope you won't indulge him in his fishing expedition. Don't even go there with trying to prove how happy you are. Remember the convo on your other thread about how the effort to prove something only proves your doubt of it? or the absence of it? If you want to tell him your sorry to hear about his loss, fine, but don't invite him into your life by indulging his question. Just ignore it. Let him continue wondering.

April 25, 2007
1:54 pm
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feelingfree
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AMEN, Turn!

Funny- when I first read it.. I interpreted "are you still in love with your young doctor" as meaning HIMSELF.. LOL!!!

Which in reality- IS THE QUESTION HE REALLY WANTED THE ANSWER TO!

Ughhh!
So PREDICTABLE!

April 25, 2007
1:57 pm
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danielle7373
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turnabout - good point! he doesn't even ask how she's doing!!

and an EMAIL?? he is a coward.

if you do respond, wait awhile and keep it simple like turnabout recommended.

trying to prove anything or discuss anything will just confuse you and drag this on.

you have come so far in not talking to him for so long. don't let his silly email ruin all your hard work and focus.

give it time and really think about yourself and if he's changed at all. think about why he's contacting you.

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