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Alcoholic In Recovery
April 20, 2002
8:25 pm
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time4change
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believe me I know what Molly is saying. I had the worst fight with my son today and Drinking was going to be the way. The to show the world I don't give a shit way. But!!!

April 20, 2002
8:27 pm
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cinder
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i am an alcoolic. I wish I could say it and believe it . I console myself with the fact that I am only a stress drinker and can (who am I trying to kid I sit weaving in y chair as I sepak) drunk weave) Pleaaaase help!

April 20, 2002
8:44 pm
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damaged
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The first time I said and believed I was an alcoholic I drank for about eighteen more years.

April 20, 2002
9:32 pm
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cinder
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oh, my god. Please tell me it ain't so

April 21, 2002
12:44 am
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cinder sorry I am damged and T4C one and the same. Go to bed and we will talk when your all sobered up.

April 21, 2002
9:21 am
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cinder
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I am so sad and feeling quite ashamed Seeing your strenth and courage Alchie makes me feel like such a wimp. I have quit drinking a number of times. Almost a year once. But it appears I can get through days and even weeks but it is the months that get me. You have all given alchie so much wisdom and support. It has been my coping mechanism for a long time. I will follow this thread and hopefully get spiritualism and some guts.

April 21, 2002
12:09 pm
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C-Bear
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ALCHIE CONGRATS!!!!

CINDER I FIND THAT IF YOU TRY AND I DONT MEAN GIVE UP WHEN IT GETS HARD I MEAN REALLY TRY YOU CAN DO IT. IS THERE AN AA GROUP WHERE YOU STAY? IF SO GO TO THEM, THEY CAN HELP TRUST ME MY GRANDMOTHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC FOR ALMOST 25 YEARS AND HAS BEEN OFF ALCOHOL FOR ABOUT 15 YEARS. ITS ALL ABOUT STATE OF MIND. WE'RE HERE FOR YOU. WHY NOT MAKE A START TODAY?

April 21, 2002
3:34 pm
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cinder
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I understand the wisdom. I feel so good when I'm not drinking I don't understand the swan song that lures me back after so much time. I will be off the web for a while. I am switching servers, have a move, and a lot going on in my life. I'll be back. God, I love this site.

April 22, 2002
8:54 am
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cinder
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I've got all the excuses but none of the resolve. Been there, done that with AA. I found it depressing. I don't have withdrawal or physical symptoms when I quit, just this psychological need every few months and then I go overboard. I drink when I am down and that is asking for trouble. I will try again and again, and again. Thanks for you support.

April 22, 2002
9:53 am
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time4change
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cinder hi!!! I agree that AA can be very depressing sometimes and you can only get out of it what you choose to. Hear the good and let go of the things that don't apply to you. However I also don't think AA is the answer to the problem, for me it just helps me to stay in check. The answere is JUST DON"T USE. I know easyier said than done, not but when the day comes when you really have had it you will find the way even if it is going to depressing AA. For some people it's the last house on the block. I drank for every reason. The weather was nice, I was happy, it was the weekend, it was a day etc...I just had the weekend from hell and I don't see things looking up over night and I so want to drink. I think if I end up drinking over all of this shit going on I will drink out of anger, not because I need a drink, but in the long run what's the difference the end result will all be the same. So for me one second at a time is a second added to my sobriety. cinder it's damn hard!!!I know!!!

April 22, 2002
10:10 am
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nikka
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April 22, 2002
8:34 pm
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cinder
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t4c a paragraph right out of my own book. One thing that usually works from week to week for me is screaming No really loud to myself when the urge comes to buy liquor or have a drink. Depends on what is going on in my life. I always feel it will make whatever is making me unhappy or sad better. It only intensifies an already depressed state. God, love your heart, thanks for the imput. So gratifying to see other people are fighting the same battles. The war is ongoing always I guess.

April 22, 2002
8:37 pm
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cinder
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Blondie, you go girl. When I come back to this site again I know you will still be smoke, nicotine and tar free!!

April 24, 2002
10:14 am
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Alchie
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Hey, me again. I just would like to update you all on my progress. I am currently 13 days sober and believe me when I say it has been a struggle. I get a little jittery every now and then and this morning was no exception. I am going to fight this out though & I'm going to make it. Though sometimes, a drink seems pretty inviting. Scenario: This week a teacher has given us a million things to memorize & the test is just that she will put all of the questions that she gave us in a bag and we must draw one and that is our test. She said it would be easier, unfortunately I didn't agree, when I saw that, my reaction was stress-o-rama. I must have studied what I need to know a million times. By the time this week is over, I will be all burned out & in the past, a good drink after this was in order. But this time, I'm not drinking. I'll find a way to get through, I just need some ideas. Like last week, my brother's friends (well they're my friends too, heck they're like family) anyway, they came over at the last minute and we began cooking on the grill. Then I called my two best friends and people from my Bible study group and they came too, then some other friends heard about it who I hadn't seen in a while and they showed up. I had so much fun that night, it took me back to the days of my youth, when we were children wondering when the food would be off the grill, and we played touch football in the streets with my uncles and cousins, and we chased my sister and our female cousins around with worms just to hear them scream, and we'd roast marshmallows on the grill, and we'd all just sit in the basement and share what was going on in our lives. Now, those days are long gone, I mean I'm still young, 21, but now the family lives so fa apart. But last weekend, it took me back and for the 1st time in a long time, I became that carefree kid again. See, when I was using alcohol, I never had time to appreciate those things, and now that I am sober and I look back & really think things over, I'm just so thankful that I had what I did. Well, I gotta go, just thought I'd update you on my progress.

April 24, 2002
10:28 am
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damaged
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Blondie it's OK, no one looking down on you here girl. You do have your sobriety!!! that's something to be proud of Blondie. I don't really realize what a gift sobriety is sometimes. I take it for granted sometimes, but it really is a gift from God. Yes I didn't take a drink yesterday and haven't had one today. I did that!!! BUT God gave me all the people in my life who gives me support, God gave me my son, God gave me eyes to read and to write (even though I can't type for shit) God gave me a conscious ,even though I still choose how and when to use it!!! My point is I am grateful for my sobriety!and very thankful to GOD!!! and why the Damaged name?, because I was starting to forget were I came from. Getting way to comfortable. Blondie you can keep starting over and over if that's what it takes.

April 24, 2002
12:31 pm
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damaged
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I had gotten so comfortable I forgot that today is 15 months with out a drink. 15 months with out a cold beer!!! if someone would of told me I would go 15 months with out a cold beer I would of laughted in there face. I loved to drink more than anything, I liked it better than life it's self. I do know now that it can only take a second of bad chooses to throw all of that 15 months of sobriety out the door. Then I would get to wake up in hell again every morning, wondering what I did are what did I say are who did I call. Did I drive or not? did I pass out in the tub or just fall asleep, would I throw up in bed again? do I have a new cut or burn, did I cry to everyone how life suxs, was my kid even in his bed or not, I think anyone(ME) that would pick all of that shit over tucking in my son every night and telling him how much I love him, know what you tell someone, not worring about getting your ass thrown in jail or killing someone while driving drunk, some self respect, loving life and going out and having fun. Is very insane!!! I mostly said all of this shit for me. I never want to forget!!! and yes Blondie you are so right I would go right back to were I left off, I would never go back to the fun days of drinking, if I even had them???

April 27, 2002
10:34 pm
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Alchie
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Damaged, I can completely relate. Today marks day 16 without a drink & believe me today is one of those days where I feel awful. I took a melatonin supplement, which is designed to calm my nerves, and it has worked, but that's the only reason I didn't drink today. But still, I'm sticking it out because sobriety means that much to me. It's such a blessing to know that I have been able to stick by my promise to myself and God. It gets hard sometimes but I will not drink one day at a time. Each day I think, like the song says "yesterday is gone & tomorrow may never be mine, so Lord for my sake teach me to take one day at a time." One day at a time is where I stand right now. Blondie, how did you do it? Make it to 7 1/2 years sober when right now, it seems like I'm struggling just to make it one month without a drink. Well I'm getting ready to go, I gotta take another dosage of melatonin, otherwise, my nerves will get bad again. I hope it gets easier to quit as time goes on. I really do, I am soooooooooo sick sometimes it makes me feel like he**. well, I'm thru venting, thanks for listening.

April 27, 2002
11:18 pm
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nikka
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She did it the way everyone else stops an addictive behavior. She just stopped it, alchie. I know that sounds a lot like just say no, but its true. It isn't easy and there are many days for many of us when we think of taking another drink or another smoke outta the pipe or using another needle or pills. We just choose not to do that. It's not easy, but it is possible and thousands (millions?) of alcoholics, and other addicts, have made the choice today not to use. So have you. --- See, it wasn't easy, but sobriety never promises us easy, no easy quitting and no easy life, it only promises us that if we choose not to use that we will have the opportunity to see our lives as they are, we can see children and friends and relatives and strangers without the added fog of alcohol and other drugs. --- You've done well today, and Blondie's seven and one half years and damaged's fifteen months amount to nothing but today, dear. Just like yours. You hang in there and keep the faith, mostly with yourself. O<

April 29, 2002
6:00 am
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UK Polly
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Alchie, well done!

My neighbour is an alcoholic, a binge drinker. Last week she was on a binge so here husband stayed away two nights. She is very dependent upon her grown-up kids who have their own lives. I am apparently her best friend although I almost don't see her when she's sober.

I had all her and all her troubles on Tuesday and Wednesday and my two girls saw and heard what was going on. On Thurday morning she knocked at my door at 5.30 am (and remember, the day starts later in the UK than in America I think - 9.00am is the normal start of the working day here) for cigarettes and to ask if I had a good weekend.

I've tried directing her into helping other people so she feels needed but since she can't read or write she doesn't have the confidence to try.

I'm sympathetic about alcoholism because I understand it's an illness but my ability to deal with it when it's on my doorstep is zero. It doesn't seem polite to shut the door in her face.

I hope you stay off the juice because I'm sure if you did similar things you'd be horrified when you are sober. I always check this thread because I'm so pleased you're making the effort. So love and courage and hugs from me to you.

And if anyone has suggestions to help me before my neighbours next binge, PLEASE! - I need to know!

April 29, 2002
5:56 pm
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damaged
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Yes I understand the part about alcoholism being a illness and I do believe that it is, but I also think to many alcoholics hide behind that fact. If someone had cancer they would ask for help and get treatment. So to many alcoholics find people that will inable them. I had one person inable me for about fifteen years with my drinking, and I hope to God if I do chose to have drinking apart of my life again that all of my friends will just let me set in my own pitty of insanity and when I relize no one is around to share in my pitty party, I might pull my head out!!! Just tell the neighbor you can't help someone that can't help themselves. Drinking is a decision.

Alchie good for you girl!!!I was told in AA one time that sobriety wasn't for wimps and I am a true alcoholic because we don't like to hear that kind of stuff and if someone tell us we can't stay sober we alcoholics will stay sober just to prove you wrong. Go figure but it's so damn true!!!

April 30, 2002
5:49 am
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Damaged I think you're right about telling my neighbour that I can't help her if she won't help herself.

The problem is, I will really have to try hard to tell her because it seems quite rude and I was brought up not to be rude. But I guess it's the only way to deal with it. Very valid comment about if someone had cancer they would get treatment too.

I admire all of you who have stayed off booze - I think it must be really hard. I don't even have the willpower to kick cigarettes so you lot seem to be climbing the impossible mountain. Well done all of you!

April 30, 2002
6:13 pm
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damaged
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UK I don't think talking to your neighbor would be rude. Just explain to come back when she hasen't been drinking. First of all tell her you don't want your girls exposed to this kind of thing. She may not even think she has a problem and many of alcoholics don't think they do.

May 1, 2002
11:37 pm
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Tomorrow I might drink but today with the help of God I will find the guts to stay sober!!!

May 2, 2002
10:09 am
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time4change
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I have heard that smoking is the hardiest drug to kick. I did play with smokeing for a small time and I had a hard time letting it go. I even had dreams and I don't think I was really was hooked on them. It became more of a bad habit. One day I just said enough is enough now I have one about every six months, yeck!!!!!!gives me a small buzz

May 2, 2002
6:38 pm
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Alchie
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Today marks Day 21 (Week 3) of sobriety. If someone told me two months ago that I'd have been able to do this, I would have laughed. But for some reason, I feel horrible today, like this big weight is bogging me down. I feel sick in the stomach and I still crave that drink. HECK! My prayers have been the only thing to keep me sober. That & my friends are supporting me, which means tough love (ie telling me NO! when I ask them for a drink.)

Today, I was in class at the University talking to a classmate & telling her that I had only been off of alcohol for 3 weeks and the teacher kind of turned her nose down at me. Whatz up with that? I thought that reachieving sobriety is a good thing. Is she judging me by my past or what? I just don't get it.

Anyway, my craving for a drink became so intense today that I had to take an asprin and go lie down. It really is the hardest thing. The longest I've ever gone sober has been 32 days. But I know it's worth it to gain back my sobriety. Although drinking was fun, I thought about it. Most chemical things we put into our body are "FUN"

Frivilously

Useless

Nothings

I don't need alcohol to have a good time & I'm just taking my sobriety one day at a time.

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