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After 12 years still unable to let ex go.
December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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Saddron
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Member Since:
January 5, 2011
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My ex
and I are still getting it on after 12 years of being separated
even though he has another partner.

Many many times I
have tried to break the contact but lapse and end up back where I
started.

I just can't seem
to pull it off - guess having children doesn't help
either.

Its not like it
was a good relationship - far from it. It was very dysfunctional
with a lot of alcohol and drugs and not forgetting the domestic
violence.

Why am I still
clinging to this relationship? I don't know. I have had counselling
on/off for the past five years but it still hasn't helped me move
on.

Has anyone else
been in this kinda co-dependency situation where you know its not
good for you and you should get out - but you stay
anyway.

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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Lanigirl
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Member Since:
September 24, 2010
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You're right, it probably doesn't help that you have to stay in
contact because of the kids.

I stayed in a bad
situation. I call him my addiction because that's what it was - it
was a horrible situation and yet I kept coming back to it. I was
wrapped up in getting relief from something that brought crap to my
life.

Have you tried an
AA group?

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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truthBtold
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September 27, 2010
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Hi
Saddron,

And welcome to
AAC, by the way 🙂

You asked: "Has
anyone else been in this kinda co-dependency situation where you
know its not good for you and you should get out - but you stay
anyway."

[Short answer from
my personal standpoint - yes! Long answer from others here (who are
further along in their journey...) Double yes!!]

I think maybe I
have been in a sense, but not in the particular one-on-one contact
you describe.

Nevertheless
though, what I do think the two of us might have in common is a
clinging to a fantasy that someday...somehow...it will all work out
in the end, you know?

Right?

Hard thing to
finally give up on, isn't it?

But the thing is,
as your post describes...its been 12 years. 12 years and he is with
someone else.

These are the
cold, hard facts.

Closure, Oi! I
dunno sweets. I guess it is different for everyone with regard to
our own individual "breaking point" where we finally say: OK.
ENOUGH is ENOUGH already!!!!

Sounds to me like
you are headed that way...and whether it is 12 months or 12 years,
(and who here is to judge, afterall) I think we have to get to a
very gut-wrenching honest point with ourself....about ourself to
finally fess up and say - you know what? This just ain't
fricking-fracking working for me anymore!!!

I think that just
might be the first step to closure, which it sounds to me Saddron,
like a step you have already taken...to that end.

Sometimes (I have
found) that no matter how hard you/I/we try to squelch or muffle
out our own internal (what is in our own best interests) messages
in just a variety of creative ways and means...in the end, in the
VERY END is something prodding us from deep within which will not
rest and will not, in fact, refuse to render us any kind of peace
at all until we finally just let loose and proclaim to the
world....."What About Me?"

That is a very
good first step IMHO and it seems to me (like I said before) you
are well on your way to distancing yourself from all that which has
caused you so much pain in the past.

Please continue to
post as you see fit.

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