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Afraid to make Friends
August 28, 2007
10:33 am
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Anonymous
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Anyone else afraid to make friends and that they will only hurt you or use and/or dump you even? I often feel alone and I wondered how you all meet others who are healthy? I seem to attract people who use me or hurt me often.

August 28, 2007
10:55 am
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_anonymous
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A good place to meet healthy people is through a common enjoyable interest. Or to find someone to do an enjoyable activity with.

August 28, 2007
11:21 am
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Anonymous
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Thanks Destinystar...one thing I do know that you have to really slow with people and not expect instant friendship. I am joining a YMCA where I live this fall and I am going to enroll in some classes while my child attends school.

August 28, 2007
11:32 am
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alien
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Survivorofabuse

I am not really interested in relationships right now as my self esteem and ego are too volitile right now. I am taking a time out (has been about a year now, pretty much totally isolated from the outside world), to heal some of my issues. When i go back out in the world, i hope not to be as vulnerable to people as i have been. So that even if someone dumps me, it wont be the end of the world because i will know that i don't NEED them and other people will continually come in and out of my life forever, it's normal. On a feeling level, i know i am still to messed up to have any relationships that i can sustain. I suffer so much depression and anxiety etc...to be reliable at all. Anyways, the YMCA idea sounds perfect. I am thinking a little bit about joining something or other too to get out and be around people i can relate to.

August 28, 2007
2:37 pm
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_anonymous
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Survivor-Good idea. YMCA usually has indoor pools

August 28, 2007
2:52 pm
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Anonymous
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Good for you Alien..if you want and desire that, then go for it. I did that for a short time but I felt too alone and for me it didn't work too long and I became miserable. I want a few friends, I don't need alot, I don't expect them to be there 24/7 either, but real friends who are there for a lifetime and won't leave you, would be nice for me anyhow.

Yes, I plan on using the pool alot Destinystar, I have alot of health problems and need to lose some weight, so yes I plan on swimming every day~

Thanks for responding to me yall~

September 3, 2007
10:20 pm
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Ned 348
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You all might try meetups.com. It is a website where they have people in your area where you actually meet and do things with a group of your interest. They have groups of all interests. It is something you could check out.

September 4, 2007
1:57 am
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newexperience
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im scared too. not sure how to act, what to say. the crazy thing about it, is that im an entertainer. what i have been trying the past couple of days is just make myself talk to people. starting with a simple hello and ask how there day is. i have no idea where it all might lead to but i also have been droppig the expectations. try to see them for who they are and accept that. dont try to change them. i have found that what i dont like in others, is what i dont like in myself. as far as the hurt, i brough some of that on myself with how i was treating them. but if i felt uncomfortable about another persons actions, i can make the choice to not hang out with them. maybe youre desperate to be friends with anyone. you have a choice

September 4, 2007
11:15 am
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Anonymous
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I used to be very lonely and was very desperate for someone, anyone, and that hurt me alot in life too. I was alone all my life pretty much, abused and had no idea how to even have a healthy friendship..since I was molded into who I was, it was very natural for abusive people to smell me out and use/hurt me. After a long time of suffering, I just stopped talking to people and then got married and had a child. It was worse cause now I had a child who also was ignored and not wanted by anyone. She is now doing well and thankfully going to school and some after school activities helps here, and so did my counseling from a friend who cared bout me or else I would hate to think of what our lives would of been like today, so I come far. What scares me is people who are not what they seem to be, users and people who start out nice and then get werid on me cause they see a wounded person and go for my vugluar. At least I have this website and have one friend online who still talks to me, someone who seen me long ago and took me under her wing...and my family today, if not these people, i wouldn't be here, I wouldn't want to live...so in hindsight, it can always be worse too here. People scare me, many are not who they appear to be, alot of women I come across are like my mother and use me...men are usually better friends for me, but I am married now, so of course I can't have male friends nowdays. I suppose if I ever find a job in this little town we now live, I might find a kind soul who is gentle and not a fake. I sure do hope so anyhow.

September 4, 2007
10:19 pm
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soofoo
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I find it very hard to make friends as an adult. When I was in college, no problem. But now, lots of kids, no time, and it's just HARD. I can be myself HERE, but in the real world, yikes.

Here's another thing I've noticed about myself (and am working on) I wonder if this is a trait of codependency. I find that sometimes I don't know when I don't like someone. I want to like the person, because I want to have friends, and it would be covenient (my bf's sisters, eg) so I extend myself. But then I'm unhappy having extended myself because I really think the person is a selfish irritating drunk (for example) whom I simply cannot respect. But I'm not really aware of this until the person does something so awful that it hits me in the face. Then I'm like "oh yeah, I always felt bad about that person. Duh." So I'm trying really hard to allow myself to have taste. It's sad that I can't stand my bf's sisters (they live a few houses away) but it's true anyway, and I have to respect myself.

I really just have one very close friend, my sisters, my Aunt K and my mom. And that's it. But my one friend is a very good one, a gem.

NED

Thanks for the reference. I was just thinking in the shower today, why aren't there sites just for making friends and not for dating. Just for hanging out? I'll be there when I'm ready. Very busy w/ back2school.

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