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Afghan Sisters....Where the love and Frienship grows...
November 7, 2006
11:20 pm
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lovinglife
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yeah that famous numbness...know exactly what you mean...shut down the feelings...hurts too bad to feel, perhaps even hurts too bad to have hope...we can stay in control when we're numb...or at least think we are in control...

November 7, 2006
11:21 pm
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lovinglife
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did you otherwise have a good day at work?

November 7, 2006
11:22 pm
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lovinglife
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GG? Need?

November 7, 2006
11:24 pm
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ggfred4
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work was fine,,,,last nite was a shocker and i still don't know what happened there, but didn't want to bring anyone down tonight, just wanted to lay low, plus i needed to think, but still no answers

November 7, 2006
11:24 pm
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lovinglife
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I'm all alone in here : (

November 7, 2006
11:30 pm
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ggfred4
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sorry LL am here now

November 7, 2006
11:31 pm
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lovinglife
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GG if you need/want to talk- I'm here to listen. Do what you feel best for you. The offer is there.

I wonder if last night was an emotional overload- you care about and love Mich so much...you knew that she was hurting yesterday. And when you left that was where we were all at. Then perhaps when you were not able to get online until later (still worrying some about Mich)...that what you came back to was not what you left and then there was a completley unfamiliar name- it was all just too much.

I don't know...what do you think happend.

November 7, 2006
11:32 pm
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ggfred4
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got a laptop and can't get used to not having a mouse. think i am going to get a mouse...it is my new school computer, but it is mine to bring home,etc.

LL, mich has been so wonderful on this site the last two days...She has such an ability to help others...my gosh, she gets me to trust easy, and say mushy stuff that i have never said in my life, and mostly she makes me calm and feel safe...I only wish I could do that for her.

November 7, 2006
11:34 pm
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lovinglife
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I think you do the same for Mich GG. And yes Mich has a beautiful gift just laying before the surface that many of us have felt.

And I don't like not using a mouse either. Never could get used to it.

November 7, 2006
11:34 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, last night scared me...mainly because of MY reaction...I still don't understand it, but I know i need to talk about it because i don't want it to happen again...still typing..letting you know

November 7, 2006
11:36 pm
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lovinglife
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K. I am here. While you type I am going to search for another thing to add to my file of favorites...

November 7, 2006
11:40 pm
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ggfred4
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I thought about her all day at work and knew you guys were going to talk...I did not want to intrude..I, like mich, sometimes just need the small convers. when things are deep...maybe it's a concentration thing for me...Yet, I just wanted to pop in to let her know I cared and was there for her, but I was not going to talk...When I came on line...I started reading the threads and nothing made sense...It wasn't anything what I expected...I didn't understand your post at all and then there was new person and then mich didn't sound like I thought she was going to sound and so many people were talking and I was invisible looking in..and crap it is happening again...got to get some control here now LL,,,hold on,, chest thing again...crap

November 7, 2006
11:42 pm
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lovinglife
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GG- I'm here reading...

November 7, 2006
11:43 pm
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ggfred4
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honestly, started wondering if i was kicked off of the site somehow, like i was looking in and no one could see me, can't explain it,,,,dammit,numbness gone, pain is back...what the hell here...still trying here

November 7, 2006
11:46 pm
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lovinglife
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First- skip over LL posts if you already are feeling overwhelmed, K?! seriously. I was not making much sense last night on a few of them- why I had to cut out.

brb - on phone with nurseline for my son....

November 7, 2006
11:49 pm
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ggfred4
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It was odd, still was getting over feeling rejected by a friend the night before maybe...i don't know...but the mood was weird..then all of a sudden it hit...I thought that mich had brought friend over to the site sort of as a future replacement..to get us to accept her, so she could feel free to back out of the sisterhood...I know, this was all in my mind...By then, I was in an all out panic attack...thought I was having a heart attack and wanted to grab hold of mich for dear life and did not want to accept anyone new so that mich would not leave us...I know this sounds stupid...It just happens,,,I am so scared for her...I trust her so much, and now I am afraid. I don't want her out of my sight now..what the hell is this all about?

November 7, 2006
11:53 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, now that i am opening up, the lava is spewing and I feel out of control and I am scared and I don't like this feeling at all...Today, I had to step back, but I always made sure mich was okay and not alone...

November 7, 2006
11:56 pm
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ggfred4
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and you know what else, as odd as it sounds, i still want to tell more to all of you, like i have to talk now...????

November 7, 2006
11:59 pm
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lovinglife
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GG I am here typing...this is the start of it...

GG- not sure what happend...and no it does not sound at all stupid...lord if you could hear some of my times of what I call checking out...

for starters you were in hyper senstive mode to begin with from the friend incidence. (and darn girl just thought of the sponsor thing too)... My guess is that when that happend with the friend, that Mich became even more of someone who is important in your life- perhaps the feeling abandonment from her as well.

November 8, 2006
12:01 am
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lovinglife
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GG- I have to bring my middle son in to the ER-think he is ok but when I called nurseline with his symptoms they recommend that he be seen...so I have to leave in about 15mns...just don't want you to share more until someone is for sure here with you, K?

November 8, 2006
12:03 am
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ggfred4
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ok need to go anyway, take care...

November 8, 2006
12:06 am
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lovinglife
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now back to what I was saying above...

it would only make sense then that when you seen an unfimiliar name that you connected that perhaps to earlier convo in the day about Mich leaving us. And as far as not wanting Mich out of your sight- you two have bonded in a big time way- she has been able to finally make you feel safe in sharing, you feel her sincerity- as well as her pain...

November 8, 2006
12:06 am
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lovinglife
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I'm not leaving yet...are you still here?

November 8, 2006
12:10 am
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lovinglife
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and you do not want to lose Mich...the first person to make you feel completely safe, to make you feel heard, to make you feel loved...with all that- then throw in the confusing of yesterday...you had an emotional overload.

November 8, 2006
12:11 am
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lovinglife
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Ok- I will check back in when I get home- hopefully the boy is ok and I'm not there too long.

((((GG))))

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