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Afghan Sisters....Where the love and Frienship grows...
November 7, 2006
4:57 pm
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bevdee
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Hello Afghan ladies!!

I want to ask any of you a question, if you don't mind. I am asking because of my 14 year old niece. Her older sister tells us (My mom and me) that she is cutting herself.

Do you think it would have helped at any time, if someone that loved you stepped in and said "I love you and I don't want you to hurt yourself"

Because of my family dynamics, I have always been very hesitant to say anything to my sister's daughters. I talk to them about everything else, except what is going on.

I talked to her last night, and finally told her I knew that things were bad for her, and if things got too bad up there in IL, she could come live with me in TX. This was a huge breakthrough in our very dysfunctional family - for anyone to say out loud that something is wrong.

Your threads with your confessions to each other popped up here at the same time I found out about my little niece, and I have been following y'all, but I backed off from saying to her, "I know you are cutting yourself". I guess I am afraid of alienating her entirely.

I would appreciate any feedback you ladies might have.

Bevdee

November 7, 2006
5:01 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi everyone...

welcome IRIS

Hello again FReindma

Hi LL-- thanks for all the support and encouragement.. I feel so empowered by making the decision to change my cell phone.. and knowing that I have cut the ties to the POND SCUM.. I know that I will have many ups and downs but I have been down this road before, unfortunately, with the demise of my ex-husband .. who I still have to co-parent with (i doubt that he knows or understands what that means.. but he is their father and i am trying to accept that).. You brighten our day with your singing.. thank you.. I am sorry to hear that you had a headache today but glad that you got to take a nap on the couch..
We all are here to listen, support and hold each other and we are going to help each other...

Mich-- I hope that you are well and your kids are feeling better. Thanks for being with me, GG and Friendma last night.. and thank you for burying the thread and starting a new one this morning.. You are amazing... and I love you..and a huge hug to my sister..

Cyndra-- thanks for your support and encouragement .. I was at work today while the kids were at school. After school they go with their dad so I have a few hours of ME time... I did take Mandy for a walk.. SHe is a pistol...

GG-- hope that you were able to get some sleep last night. Hope work went well for you today.. I just want you to know that I love you and I am holding you GG...

Rasputin-- thanks for saying hello and for the warm hug... ((rasputin).. been missing you my friend.. DOn't forget we still have to get Mandy and Lala together.. they are going to go on an adventure..

With love

NEED

November 7, 2006
5:06 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich you still here?

November 7, 2006
5:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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yup , emailing Jim sorry

November 7, 2006
5:09 pm
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lovinglife
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ARe u available

November 7, 2006
5:10 pm
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cyndra820
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Mich,

I just got in from work and voting. I actually took a nap at work!!!

How are you? I'm still holding you. I think at some point tonight I'm going to need to be held.

Talking to the FIB wasn't the worst thing in the world but it did remind me of how I felt when I was with him. Not all his fault because I was codep long before I met him, but it dredged up some very powerful memories.

I'm feeling a little weepy so if I lay my head on top of yours that doesn't mean I'm letting go. Okay, sister?

LL~ WE all have something that triggers bad memories. When I was pregnant the first time my son's father beat me up pretty badly. I was standing in the kitchen washing dishes with Dove dishwashing liquid. To this day when I smell it I feel a panic attack coming on. It's been more than twenty years!!!

The smell of Farenheit cologne, the scent my coworker who raped me wore triggers the exact same reaction.

GG and Mich~ I had a cutting incident when I was pregnant a few weeks after that beating. I don't remember it very well, just standing over the sink with a paring knife and cutting the inside of my arm. Crying uncontrollably. Very weird to remember that now.

Need~ Can I just say how proud I am of you? You are doing so well!! I am glad that you went for a walk today with your mother and Mandy. Exercise helps me clear my mind.

Isis~ Hey, we'd love more sisters!!

Okay, that's all. I will not comment on LL's ignoring me AGAIN today. LOL

Love you all very much.

Cyn

November 7, 2006
5:11 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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bevdee,

PLEASE tell her....PLEASE. She needs you. If you really care and want to help her, TELL HER YOU KNOW. She needs someone to love her, and she needs to know that she is not alone. Please talk to her. She is desperate...and she is doing it for a reason. It is a cry for help. She is dying inside...Please be careful, because after talking to my psychologist today...it will get worse. I believe that if I had someone here to hold me and love me, and tell me that they are in this with me, I could change. It is addictive, and she is destroying her....PLEASE talk to her.

Mich

November 7, 2006
5:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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yes, maam, something up?

November 7, 2006
5:14 pm
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lovinglife
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no not really- just wondering if you wanted to ask the question now verses later since it's quiet in here

November 7, 2006
5:15 pm
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lovinglife
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and boo hoo on you middle child : )

ignoring you?? it's just the middle child syndrome stuff going on

November 7, 2006
5:16 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Last night...during our conversation....I wont go back to that thread...as I need it buried for my sake...but I am questioning something. Did it bother you that i called you on your ex? And do you want me to just drop it until you are ready to talk? If that is the case, can you promise to me that you will come ask to talk when you are ready?

November 7, 2006
5:19 pm
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cyndra820
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BevDee,

Please say something to her. Tell her you know and you love her. Tell her that you want to help her. Talk to her. Get her to open up, but most importantly acknowledge what's going on and that you love her very much.

Cyndra

November 7, 2006
5:23 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich- no not at all as for as bothering me. And did I ever give you a straight answer?

I have two seperate issues regarding the exH- one that is past {and I don't know if I will ever be to talk about that-more so because it's embarrassing and not sure how much pain would be dug up if I dig down to get it : ) and that particular issue I have had therapy over it} . Now I also have a current issue with him...thinking this is what you are talking about...

November 7, 2006
5:24 pm
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needtoheal
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BEvdee--

please talk to her.. let her know that you love and care for her.. Like my other sisters have said, you need to tell her that you want to help her...

thinking of you

need

November 7, 2006
5:26 pm
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lovinglife
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and Bevdee - hello.. Don't want to think I'm ignoring you like I do Cyndra ; ) but I really don't have anything to offer regarding your niece coming directly from personal experience.

HOWEVER I work with youth, and some of which are cutters, and know that there is a reason for it- your niece is in deep pain.

November 7, 2006
5:28 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Either one in all honesty LL. If you went to therapy over it ad really got through it, is it something that should still be so painful to think of? JUST A QUESTION...Please don't hate me for that, it was justa question..

As far as the present....I NEVER want you to tell me ANYTHING you aren't ready to talk about...and because I have never gotten a straight answer from you, I don't know if I am fishing for something that is or is not there. I KNOW that there are current issues there, but a straight answer to what they are, I don't know.I guess more than anything I want you to know that I am here, and that I care. If you ever want to talk about the stuff going on there, I am here. I love you and it is hard for me to see you hurt by him. I just love you a ton. I hope you understand that. You are a VERY special person in my life.

Mich

November 7, 2006
5:29 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich- the ex just got here and is starting to irritate me. If I cut out of here it's because I went to hide in my room : ) and I'll be back. Man does he cause me stress....and intersting enough I am really starting to realize this.

November 7, 2006
5:30 pm
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needtoheal
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CYndra--

thanks.. I am pretty darn proud of myself too... I look at the situation like this: it takes two to tango ... and I no longer want to dance with him... I am so done.. I want to heal and move on and having No contact with him IS the choice that I have made..

Interestingly, my children do not feel this is a loss to them because I kept them at a distance.. However, during our "Feelings Wheel" last night, they both told me that they are relieved that I broke up with HIM because their father and his girlfriend will no longer question them anymore.. Poor things.. I want them to see that although we may need to ask others for help sometimes, we are okay as a family--just the three of us.. well, the six of us if I include Mandy and the two bearded dragons -- Monster and Sonic...

Love to all

November 7, 2006
5:31 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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If you get a minute, I want you to read the email I typed for Jim. On the other side...not here..I have not sent it yet...I ant to know if you think that there is too much info, or what....I am just not sure...

November 7, 2006
5:45 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra--

just thought of something... the longest amount of time that HE has gone without contacting ME is 5 days.... this is Day 3...
I better be prepared..

I just hate thinking about him at all..

November 7, 2006
5:46 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Holding you Need...sorry this is so tough for you...

Mich

November 7, 2006
5:52 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich~ the past incidence and the therapy: The "therapy" was to get the shit going on in my head to stop (nightmares, hallucinations, going from sobbing to a fit of rage and god knows what else). I only went long enough to know what was happening to me and to get back to *normal*. The therapy was helpful in the way that I haven’t since experienced what got me into a therapists chair in the first place. Is there still pain there? Don’t know, really never got that far and it wasn’t an issue discussed. I wasn’t in pain at the time just completely whacked out in the head. I’ve been thinking about it more in the recent weeks and I guess I’d have to say that there is something there- for sure the memory- and perhaps it may be something someday I may have to grieve.

Now as far as the present--- hell I don’t know what the hell the outcome of this crap is going to be on me. We’ll talk some night – just now that he is more creepy than scary.

And isn't all just fricken wonderful my friends to be f*cked up in the head because of some b*stard.

November 7, 2006
5:56 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich- I'll head over to read the email. And then I will be back on later- he is pacing around me, talking non-stop to me, and basically getting on my nerves. I know the meaning behind that saying- I literally feel my nerves : )

November 7, 2006
5:56 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Love you LL, and I am here for you. I just want you to know that.

November 7, 2006
5:56 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I hadn't posted it yet, I will right now....

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