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Afghan Sisters..Starting a NEW Day...
November 14, 2006
8:17 pm
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lovinglife
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What you feel is not wrong...was just thinking about how when we are violated...our boundaries are crossed, our personal space is invaded...and when that happend it strips us of what....like we matter, like we...don't know...let me think...strips us of dignity, of being an individaul, so then we let others walk all over us...I don't know..

November 14, 2006
8:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, then you understand the "other" fear that comes when numbness appears. There is only one way I have ever found to not feel numb..

November 14, 2006
8:18 pm
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ggfred4
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It doesn't matter if it is wrong or not,,,what matters is how it makes you feel...

November 14, 2006
8:19 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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At what point are they crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed though for real?

November 14, 2006
8:19 pm
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lovinglife
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when we have been abused- it messes with the head-can't be an individual- a person's sense of self is warped and YES...you just go numb- no feeling because your feelings didn't matter at the time of being abused...

November 14, 2006
8:21 pm
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lovinglife
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the whole thing is f*cked big time....but that doesn't mean that we will never be able to be that whole person we should be...

November 14, 2006
8:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, can I ask you a question, and you don't have to answer it...but, what makes you feel violated? I realize that he is not your husband, but...I don't know...Is it physical? Verbal? What? I know what he does to me, but I keep trying to justify it in my own head...

November 14, 2006
8:23 pm
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needtoheal
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Ok .. FROM THE COURAGE TO HEAL BOOK

fROM NUMBNESS TO FEELING:

Numbness is another way not to feel.
During the trauma of sexual abuse, children pften numb themselves, just as surgery patients are anesthetized to avoid excruciating pain.

November 14, 2006
8:23 pm
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lovinglife
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and like the poem GG wrote about feeling invisable- have felt that most of my life...its like your body is seperated from your soul or something...

And Mich and what point are they crossing the line...the point at where you don't feel comfortable with it.

November 14, 2006
8:24 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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brb PROMISE....give me three minutes...

November 14, 2006
8:26 pm
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ggfred4
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yes, mich, I understand the other fear...too well, I am not leaving you!!!

I have been following it all and reflecting here. I have never discussed my sex life with anyone ever...

November 14, 2006
8:28 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, did not know you read my poem,,,feel like that a lot...

November 14, 2006
8:34 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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back...I just wonder if I am over reacting...but seriously...he has NEVER just taken my underwear off and acted like he expects it. It is just getting worse....Had he asked for it I would have probably given in, but he didn't even ask...he just took them off and "climbed on" if you will...I did feel violated...but does that make him wrong? he knows that I would have given in. But the point is, that he didn't even give me the chance...I don't know...

November 14, 2006
8:36 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, don't leave because only you understand that other fear like I do...and that scares me....haven't done it in over a week, scares me...I don't like feeling numb like this...

November 14, 2006
8:36 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich I will try to answer your question about what makes me feel violated here...so that means it might take me a few...also I am leaving here in about 1/2 hour...tonight's convo has been way good and think is something that hits home for all of us- don't think KNOW

wait think I will answer your question when I get back as it will take me some time- and same question back to you "what makes you feel violated?" I need to answer this question as it will help me see the picture in even more reality.

and one more thing I need to share...why this web site has helped me greatly in way of my self esteem is because of being heard, of being validated in what I feel, and this all has spilled over to my real-real life- in a big way (other than I am trying to wake up the m/f and get him to talk to me) ...Matteo- my Matteo moment- someone took the time to say..."Hey , don't say that about yourself...I don't see it..." and then she called me on it a few times when I slipped up...that did something for me that I can't even desscribe in words- someone noticed me????? someone heard me????

anyhow enough of my rambling here...
Ok think I am going to head out now- picking up son from work and also going to get some of my Intuition body lotion and more bubble bath : )

but I will answer you question Mich...and looking forward to hearing yours and GG, Need, Cyn if you guys can relate in anyway to the question- share!!

Love you all...LL

November 14, 2006
8:37 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, I don't think we know what to expect in a "normal" sexual experience because of our past.. What your husband did the other night, ditto, many times...and many times, woke up that way...

As for me, gosh, can't believe I am telling this,,,I crave being held and loved (as you all know) and yet I married someone who does not kiss me, say I love you, and sex is his way of expression...so, more or less, I allow all of the sex he wants because I crave any attention from him...gosh, I am so screwed up and didn't even realize it...most of the time I have to "fake it", hate that...so damn codependent of me...I will even initiate now just to get the body closeness, how sick is this,,,just realized this just NOW!!! Gosh, I am married...

Mich, I didn't mean to interrupt your thought process, yes, I am so ADD and afraid I will forget, just that I am so relating to this subject in my own way...Hope you don't mind sister...

LL is right, sexual abuse screws with our minds mich...gosh, sorry...

November 14, 2006
8:38 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL will you be back tonight? If so do you know when? I will be here, I told him I am going to be on the computer...

November 14, 2006
8:38 pm
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lovinglife
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and yes Mich- that is a violation because it wasn't OK with you...just because you are his wife does not make you his property to do as he pleases...gosh I got to go but thinking of a scripture...will be back in a couple of hours...

November 14, 2006
8:40 pm
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needtoheal
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i will be right back girls//

sorry

November 14, 2006
8:40 pm
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lovinglife
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you two keep talking I will be back asap but don't think it will be any sooner that 9:30 cst : ( but hoping you all are here....and THIS being here with you girls is better than getting the attention of the m/f... would give THIS up for nothing : )

Love you sis's.

November 14, 2006
8:41 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, I will answer all that he does, are you going to talk when you get back though. I dont want to feel alone either. This isn't how I planned on beating it out of you either. But, maybe my appointment with Jim will help us ALL in the long run.

GG, you can talk whenever...this is an open conversation...

November 14, 2006
8:43 pm
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ggfred4
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so mich, what do you think about what i wrote, honest..not getting any more detailed here...

November 14, 2006
8:45 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Give me justa minute...h is on the phone, and I need to put arica in bed...give me five...

November 14, 2006
8:52 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I fake it a LOT. More or less because, I want to please him. I VERy rarely initiate it though. That isn't my style...I don't want it. I don't get anything out of intercourse anyways...Haven't since I was VERY young. He can get me to "go" but it typically isn't without a fight. It takes forever to even feel good to me, because I don't want it to. I don't want it at all. You don't want to get into detail but, I can't seem to shut my mouth, so you have to pardon the detail that I am giving here. I know that the sexual abuse from childhood has screwed me up to this point. I am just so confused. I don't think that you are wrong at all. And don't spare detail unless you feel you have to, OBVIOUSLY, I am not.

November 14, 2006
8:53 pm
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ggfred4
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brb

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