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Afghan Sisters..Starting a NEW Day...
November 14, 2006
7:43 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, I will be here, LL got me to talk..I wasn't gonna...I promise I wasn't gonna...

November 14, 2006
7:44 pm
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lovinglife
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See Mich why we get so damn angry is because we are NOT validated, we are not heard, there is no apology's, no I understand what I did, please forgive me ...do you know what my exH said to me when I was flipping out 5 yrs ago about what he did to me...I was screaming...."I know what you did to me.. " and he said..."yeah- some women like that...get over it."

November 14, 2006
7:45 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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This is MY body....MINE...

November 14, 2006
7:48 pm
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lovinglife
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and no need to be scared girls...its sometimes the rage/anger I feel inside towards him that is scarey...I can see why battered women lose it and go over the edge and the thing that really gets me, is like I said, I can forgive, I can forget, its not like I am holding onto anything but when you are repeatedly invalidated....either you get depressed like I was last you or it comes out as anger. I just want to be normal...

November 14, 2006
7:50 pm
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lovinglife
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Its amazing about how much we stuff down that happens to us...it like we keep ourselves in a cloud- think that would be a proctection- defense mechanism... and then once you realize...oh boy...

November 14, 2006
7:52 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Why do we let it happen though? What is wrong with us that we allow our bodies to be violated sexually? I always try to tell myself that he is my husband and he has the right to touch me...

November 14, 2006
7:53 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Then why at times does it feel so wrong? I used to try to tell ymself that it was because of what I went through as a kid...truth be told, I can't let go of that because of what he is doing EVERYDAY. Whatever, I am so messed up...

November 14, 2006
7:55 pm
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lovinglife
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and Mich with being a sexual abuse survivor it is even that much more of a reason that one should to be senstive to your needs- to respect you as a person....and yes, it is your body...unreal I think I just said something like that myself in the last couple of days...it like you are being victimized all over again. And the last thing I want is to never not want a man to touch me because of the crap exH has put me through....I someday want to be in a healthy relationship all around...

November 14, 2006
7:56 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am convinced that healthy relationships don't exist...Someone needs to kick my ass..SERIOUSLY..

November 14, 2006
7:58 pm
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lovinglife
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why do we let it happen? No self esteem, no sense of self, don't feel like we deserve better perhaps. Or thinking there is something wrong with us and that they are the normal ones??? Don't know ......

November 14, 2006
7:58 pm
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ggfred4
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I am listening to both of my sweet sisters...I will be quiet, but I am holding both of you..glad you are here talking my mich...

November 14, 2006
7:59 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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What do I do to ask for what I am getting? It makes me sad. I wonder if I did the same things as a kid. I didn't stop it then, and I still don't have the power.

November 14, 2006
8:00 pm
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lovinglife
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Healthy relationships do exist Mich, its just that we haven't experienced it yet because we have not been emotionally healthy... and the more emotionally healthy we get...we start to see what is wrong with the picture...

November 14, 2006
8:02 pm
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lovinglife
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used to ask myself the same damn question...what do I do...what did I do to deserve this...

we did nothing...

November 14, 2006
8:04 pm
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ggfred4
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have to interrupt to let you know that I am learning here, while you two are sharing...had realizations that I never thought of, guess kept hidden...LL, what you said about becoming more emotionally healthy and starting to see what is wrong...think that you are so right there...

November 14, 2006
8:04 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I don't think that he is doing it on purpose, i just think that because I have always just accepted it, that he continues to do it. It doesn't bother him. Though he has said he would never find another wife to let him screw with them the way that I do. I am just so numb to it anymore. What is sexual abuse anyways? What constitutes it anymore? I jsut always feel violated, it always hurts, and I always cry. I don't want to feel like I have to let him touch my body because I am his wife. Like the other night, he crawled into bed and immediately took my underwear off, he has NEVER done that. See, he is getting to a point that he thinks that he can just do whatever he wants. This is my body...MINE.

November 14, 2006
8:05 pm
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lovinglife
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and why we allow it to continue because it what we know...to not be respected....when we're violated- we know that its wrong, but yet it is made to seem like its ok--- so our thinking gets distorted and we learn not to feel, we learn to question ourselves....this is not coming out right...let me try this again...

we get f*cked up in the head- point blank.

November 14, 2006
8:07 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, keep talking, I am relating sister, in ways I never realized...oh my gosh...keep talking mich...

November 14, 2006
8:08 pm
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lovinglife
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Did you & Jim talk about this today?? If so, what did he say...you have to talk to your husband about how you feel- its a matter of you being able to grow, to be able to let go of the hurts of your past...can't do it if you are feeling unheard or violated today.

November 14, 2006
8:10 pm
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lovinglife
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or feeling violated.

November 14, 2006
8:11 pm
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needtoheal
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don't mean to but in here...

just caught up

and that is true

--low self esteem
--sense of self torn apart
--feel we don't deserve better

and maybe it does stem from
what we know

November 14, 2006
8:11 pm
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lovinglife
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did I say that I always cried too : ( that is not what that should be all about....

November 14, 2006
8:13 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I got into no detail...PERIOD. And I am still not sure that what he is doing is wrong, or if it is just that I FEEL, who knows. I don't even know anymore, isn't that sad? See, I am typing all of this, not one tear. I am numb, and confused to be honest...Totally NUMB and totally confused..

November 14, 2006
8:15 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I feel stupid for saying any of this, because probably there is nothing wrong with what he is doing, it is just the way that I see it. How sad is that? I don't even know anymore...

November 14, 2006
8:16 pm
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ggfred4
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I am understanding Mich, A LOT, thinking a lot, ...holding you mich,,,because I know the numb feeling way too well...

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