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Afghan Sisters..Starting a NEW Day...
November 14, 2006
1:14 pm
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cyndra820
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GG~ She knows we are all there with her giving her our support and our love. I know her sessions with Jim are difficult and I know she knows we love her.

Sorry, it's such a crappy day for you. I know how those nightmares waking you up can be. I haven't had one lately, but my stressful thoughts about FIB have kept me awake plenty of nights.

Other than that I am good. Work is going by. I am looking forward to going home and resting. I've got lots to do there. Laundry and such.

November 14, 2006
1:16 pm
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lovinglife
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I just got up...here I thought I had a sleeping problem like ya know, I couldn't sleep...but it helps when I don't have someone (exH) waking me up every morning...he left me alone again - YEA!!

Sorry I missed you Mich before you left to see Jim...I wanted to tell you to tell him hi from the sisters : ) and send you with lots of love & support. Hope you knew that I was with you this morning. ((((Mich))))

And isn't it always nice girls to be able to just start a new thread after we....need a new word for this...puck?!! Have a feeling there is going to be a lot of that going on around here- I still have same left in me : )

Yes, Cyn the married guy from work is a very nice but a hurting guy that I need to just keep my distance from because sadly I do find him a little attractive physically (which didn’t start until the night we talked) and that was brought on because of my codependency issues (a project ya know) and attractive because he has a few qualities that can drive me crazy in a man (one of that he baked a cake for goodness sakes for one of the kids birthdays the night we worked together – just love a man that cooks and is sensitive). Now the only thing that I hope can come out of this ordeal is that he puts some good thoughts about me into cute guys head (who once was a chef-oh for yummy! He catered a wedding for a co-worker this summer) AND that after married guy gets back from a much needed vacation he’ll be rested and refreshed to get through the next two months (and get that heavy hearted look off his face) and will just see me as someone who cared enough to listen.

Sisters- It is only cute, unmarried and need to throw in there available men for LL!! Had to throw in available because of what I am doing by wasting time head space regarding exN. I want to let the precious soul go, with my blessings for him to have a happy life, really…. but have had a hard time because it’s like he won’t let me leave- ya know like when someone doesn’t say goodbye but stands in the doorway and won’t shut the damn thing after you’ve said goodbye a zillion times and just keeps you standing there waiting for their final goodbye and the door to shut- closed ??? That is what it feels like. It’s been torture and it’s made me look pathetic which I really am not. I loved him and when it ended it blew me away…blew me the frick away. And it didn't end with the best of parting words - no closure. I do want to completely let him go and move on with my life. Perhaps now I can if in fact he has finally blocked me on the IM-I get messages like that-loud and clear. It’s like you can’t beat around the bush with me. Anyhow, I hope this is it…because if he doesn’t have me on block- or unblocks me I will sick my sisters after him!! But if I do- be nice- he too is a sensitive guy.

Alrighty I am going to take a nice long bath and will check back in a bit.

GG~ I hope that you feel better hon : ( (GG) that was a little hug don't want to hurt you...

Michy~ looking forward to chatting with you sometime today.

Need~ I really feel for ya…though I know the feelings of driving our selves insane by holding on to these guys, what I am going through right now is nothing like it was in the beginning or during those early contact days. Why we can’t get it right away and just move on is beyond me. I do know that the next guy I give my heart & soul I’m going to be a little more careful and for sure listen to my gut instincts (which just so happens to be my Higher Power).

Be Back sis’s. Love to you all. LL

November 14, 2006
1:26 pm
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ggfred4
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cyn, they called, it is a kidney infection...can't believe this shit, oh, puck!!!!!!!!!!! You made me smile today, LL!! More medicine, more money, more tests, has to clear up, or I am really PUCKED!!!! This timing has been carefully planned with sick days, holidays, permissions, and what little more pain I can take...Needed this surgery in July but didn't want to miss the beginning of school...Just pray that this too shall heal...I am falling apart, in more than one way...

I am going to have to make myself lay down today...It is the ADD thing...I can't make myself do it...NEED, help me please...I know you will understand...

MICH, holding you, we are ALL with you at your appt...

Hey, is Jim cute, is Jim available? Just checking for one of my dear friends!!!

November 14, 2006
1:34 pm
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cyndra820
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((GG))~ Kidney infection? OUHCH!!! Hope it heals up fast so that your surgery can still happen.

LL~ Only cute, single, available, emotionally healthy guys. We forgot that last quality even if it is understood by the five of us.

Need~ How are you today? Where are you today? I've missed you!! GG wants a little help from the sister who shares ADD. Would you see what she needs? I'm thinking mediations would be nice. Something soothing like flute music.

((((Mich))))~ Hope your session with Jim is going okay, if not well. I am holding you along with the other sisters. Please know that.

November 14, 2006
1:39 pm
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ggfred4
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LL and cyn, that's a lot of words to put on LL's t-shirt that I am having made!!!Do you want one to, that way you wear it, and it's understood...LOL

Thanks cyn...countdown til 3:45 cst,,chills now, backache,,,no more throwing up...thank goodness, and still managing the job...this is PUCK!!!

November 14, 2006
1:47 pm
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cyndra820
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GG~ Isn't Puck the imp in Midsummer Night's Dream? Okay, I'll stop.

I don't know if all that will fit on LL's shirt, but I thin we should give it a try. Can't forget the emotionally healthy part of it.

I'm hoping to leave here in about 45 minutes. I am so tired. I got in my eight hours though!!!

Love,
Cyndra

November 14, 2006
1:58 pm
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lovinglife
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did I have another grammer error!! No I was just trying to see if you 2 were listening : )

NOT puck- but PUKE, the flipping word we need to find a new word for is PUKE !!

Ok just got out of the bathtub- feeling well ah, clean!!

Guess what??? crossingmy fingers but thinking I am almost ready to cross over to start losing that 10 pds I gained after I gained the 22 after I quit smoking!

Ok I need to read up on the thread just seen someone (think it was the teacher making fun of me) about my pucking : )

November 14, 2006
2:03 pm
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lovinglife
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GG- you will be ok...if you let go and let god it will help with the worrys. Wait just read something a few days in my Al-Anon book that really hit me...

November 14, 2006
2:12 pm
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ggfred4
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let me get this straight LL, puck was a grammar error by you???? I am confused....head hurts bad...I don't care if I even sound like a baby now....just don't care anymore..

November 14, 2006
2:16 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, you must be talking about step 3, can't get passed it...

November 14, 2006
2:16 pm
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lovinglife
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Courage to Change One day at a time in Al-Anon II

November 10

Al-Anon reminds me that I can only deal with “One day at a time.” This allows me to be more realistic about what I can do to improve my situation. It gets rid of the constant urgency.

Today I can see that no problem lasts forever. I used to feel that if I didn’t solve a problem immediately, it would remain for all time. Now I know that everything passes eventually, the happy as well as the sad.

Today I can ask myself, “What can I do about this right here, right now?” This question helps me to identify my responsibility more realistically and shows me what part of the situation is beyond my power to control. Reasoning things out with an Al-Anon friend (AAC friend) or attending meeting often helps me to separate today’s problems from those belonging to the past or future. Then I do what I can and turn over the rest.

Today reminder

I can cope more effectively with difficult situations when I am realistic about my responsibilities. I have the tools I need to face today’s challenges. I will trust my Higher Power with tomorrow. {the bolded is what I thought of in this whole passage- and is what I need to work on- letting go and letting god…}

“Today is only a small manageable segment of time in which our difficulties need not overwhelm us. This lifts from our hearts and minds the heavy weight of both past and present.” One Day at a Time in Al-Anon.

November 14, 2006
2:26 pm
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lovinglife
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and I don't know if that was a grammar error or a brain dysfunction kicking in : ) tell ya when I write papers for school I have to have someone proof read it over for me (usually my 17 yr old) because I make a lot of those little errors! And yes I hear my son laughing when his is correcting my errors .

When I was in management and would leave notes in the staff log- OMG! One day when I was reading over something I had wrote like a month earlier- I had to laugh at myself in what I wrote- one of the staff that was with me at time of my reading this said… “Don’t sweat it LL, we’ve got used to deciphering what you meant!! Sometimes my brain just goes faster than I write...and words that are close just seem to come out. Now when I speak just a FYI- different story!! Just that writing stuff

November 14, 2006
2:28 pm
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lovinglife
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and me either GG regarding any of the steps... esp letting go and letting god.... but we'll get there...it will be what truly brings us peace.

November 14, 2006
2:30 pm
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lovinglife
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be back in a bit...going out for a walk..

November 14, 2006
2:36 pm
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ggfred4
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I believe you LL, I know it is true, why is it so hard???

November 14, 2006
2:37 pm
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cyndra820
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Taking it one day at a time is hard for me because I'm so used to worrying and planning. Now that I don't have to do that I'm getting used to the one day thing. Not easy, but I'm doing it.

November 14, 2006
2:43 pm
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lovinglife
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a real quickie here...last night after walking away from the computer (over the whole exN thing) this feeling came over me it's not you LL regarding why he won't say a word to me... and for whatever reason at the moment it gave me some comfort...

but now today I am like if it really isn't me - then what is going on with him??? gosh darn it...will my mind ever quit playing these games with myself?? It almost like now I need to know it is me because I don't want him to be hurting : (

I just want to let go and move on...and I know what it kicking this up again, it's been a few months...but it's thinking about cute guy. Without going into length, after exN and I parted the little role cute guy played in my life-

Time for a walk. Right now I am hurting for exN- WHY? why do I have to be so sick in the head- this man doesn't care about me and I can't comprehend that...

November 14, 2006
2:47 pm
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lovinglife
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sorry girls..didn't read before I posted...

Why is it hard to let go and give it to our higher power? For me, not sure... because I am afraid of the unknown?...think that I have the better answers? perhaps its my lack of faith (though my faith is strong), dont' know but wish that I could get that down.

November 14, 2006
2:55 pm
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thumkin
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Maybe it is so hard to let go and let God because in that aspect we are like children. A 3 year old will stand in front of the tv blocking your view. Not doing it so that you cant see but because they can see they think you can see it too. Same with a phone call with a small child. They will show you thier new toy over the phone because since they can see it you can too.

We know our lives. We feel our pain, our wants, our needs, our joy. It is hard to believe that if we let go of something it will be ok. It is hard to remember that God is not going to let go of our hands, to remember that he knows what is best for us even though it may not be what we think it is. It is like hanging from the top of a cliff holding on to a rope. How easy would it be to let go of that rope and believe that our faith will keep us crashing into the rocks at the bottom.

That is why it is hard for me to let go and let God. It is not consciously. I believe God knows better than I do, I know that, but I also know that if maybe I hold on to the control a little longer things will turn around and get better. That rope will hold out a little bit longer.

make sense?

November 14, 2006
3:01 pm
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ggfred4
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Thumkin, that was fantastic!!!!!!!!!!Thanks for sharing....

LL, I am so glad you are opening up and sharing lately...I wish I could help you...I do listen to every word you say..You now you always talk to me about the tapes in the head...think you have a lot of tapes too...Think we both have rewound them enough...Love you sister so much!!!

Mich, still holding you babe!!! We are all there with you,,,you are NOT alone..we want you healthy...keep that airport or mountain or whatever scene in mind...the day we all meet face to face...p.s. w/o any assholes tagging along...(that was especially for need and LL!!!)

November 14, 2006
3:07 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, wish I could go on that walk with you, just walk, no talking , feeling the breeze, words understood, u know???

November 14, 2006
3:39 pm
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lovinglife
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Thumpkin that was a great explantion of why we can't let go -helps put it into prespective...now I need to learn how to let go and have faith...which I know will be very freeing & comforting...it's just a matter of finding the way to get to that point...

GG- the walk was great..it's a very beautiful MN day- temp is 46, sun is shining - felt good. You all with me-as I think I felt some bonks coming from behind me every time I had a thought I shouldn't be having- must have looked real together on my walk turning around every so often saying..."Now quit it you guys-that really hurts!!"

Oh yes my lil' sis, I do know all too well about the tapes that play in our heads - have a large collection over the years that are now sitting up on a shelf. Today I may sound a little confused, a little off track but this is nothing compared to where I was just a few months ago...right now it's learning to let go of something I have no control over- which is really my next step here...first it was hitting stop on the tapes (which was not an easy task when you think for years the same tapes played over & over)....on occassion an tape will kick in that I haven't dealt with- but I'm enjoying learning how to get them all to stop.

now it's learning to let go and have faith that my life is being watched over, that there is a bigger plan for my life that right now I can't see...wouldn't it be awesome to learn to hand it over and wait to see how someone else who knows what their doing does with our lives?? By me keeping the control here- it really hasn't gotten me too far but in circles.

letting go and handing it over...what a concept, huh?

November 14, 2006
3:53 pm
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lovinglife
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I'm starting the grill up and bbqing me a burger -- anyone else hungry?

I will check back- also going to find the bottom to my kitchen, and my desk too : )

Has does anyone remember the song, "Billy don't be a hero"? having it playing right now on "Mom's mix of music"....{everything on there from hard rock to jazz to gospel to oldies...}

"And as he started to go, she said Billy keep your head low, and come back to me...

November 14, 2006
4:39 pm
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lovinglife
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where did everyone go : (

I feel so alone right now...all by myself in here, No Michy, No GG, No Needy, and No Cyndra : (

Girls did the idea of me cooking scare everyone off?? See there is a good reason "Has to cook" is on my list of must haves in a man, not to mention there is just something about a man in a kitchen cooking that does something for me...must be like he is in touch with his feminine side perhaps?? Or???

November 14, 2006
4:56 pm
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lovinglife
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now I am really starting to feel a complex here...do you girls have me on blocked too?!!

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