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Afghan Sisters..Starting a NEW Day...
November 14, 2006
11:39 pm
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needtoheal
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we have all felt scared

facing these uncomfortable feelings

but we are not

facing them alone

November 14, 2006
11:39 pm
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needtoheal
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we have all felt scared

facing these uncomfortable feelings

but we are not

facing them alone

November 14, 2006
11:39 pm
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lovinglife
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now quit with the pucking girls!! I am trying to get serious here and sounding like a lunatic at the computer laughing my ass off!!

Mich I will puck with you after you are done.

November 14, 2006
11:39 pm
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needtoheal
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and we all have buckets to fill

November 14, 2006
11:40 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, i think i already pucked talking about my sex life earlier, that is a first for me...

November 14, 2006
11:40 pm
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needtoheal
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......PURGE........

November 14, 2006
11:41 pm
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needtoheal
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we are all here....

November 14, 2006
11:42 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Well, before we got married, I had told him on a couple of different occasions that I didn't want to have sex until we were married. We already had...but I had started to really get involved in church and I wante it to mean something to me...I ended our relationship over this twice. I loved him, I just wanted to see if he would respect me, and I wanted our life (sexually and otherwise) to mean something. I had a huge desire to be respected, and to have my body respected. Yet, he always talked me into giving in. He knew exactly what to say to get me to give in...he didn't respect me then, and all I did was prove that my body wasn't mine, it was his, and that led to what our problems are now. I just wanted to please him, and truly he wasn't a "bad" guy. I loved him, and he loved Arica. Who was not his kid.

So much more, just going to post this...

November 14, 2006
11:45 pm
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lovinglife
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the first part Mich is not stupid AT ALL- just wondering if I should wait until you are done...just know that I am listening...

November 14, 2006
11:46 pm
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needtoheal
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NO,,, NOT STUPID

just listening

November 14, 2006
11:48 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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NOw, if I walk around like in the mornings without a bra on, he will life my shirt up or stick his head in my shirt and kiss my boobs, and lick them or whatever. So obviously I started to wear a bra ALL of the time. That really didn't stop him. He is ALWAYS touching them...always. He will grab them, and purposely try to make it so my nipples are hard and then he can screw with them. As soon as they are hard he automatically takes that as I am turned on....Not the case...It is a natural reaction to ANY stimulation....which doesn't mean ANYTHING sexual....but then he will really start to screw with me. He is always putting his hands in my pants, licking my ears, grabbing my crotch..he is ALWAYS touching me. He will walk up behind me and start rubbing his thing all over me...he waits until I get in the shower...I need a minute for some of this...I need to calm down...BUT I am not crying...just almost mad...

November 14, 2006
11:50 pm
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lovinglife
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holding you Mich...I know the anger all too well

November 14, 2006
11:51 pm
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lovinglife
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and I got the bucket...

November 14, 2006
11:53 pm
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ggfred4
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holding you tight,,,mich

November 14, 2006
11:54 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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feeling scared, and a little shakey to be honest

November 14, 2006
11:55 pm
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needtoheal
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from the book:

When you are a child and abused you learned that the world was not a safe place where your needs would be met.
When children experience the world as unsafe, they do things to adapt. ALl the problems survivors experience with their bodies-- splitting, numbing, addictions, and self-mutilation, to name a few, began as attempts to survive.
You cut off from your body for good reasons, but now you need to heal that separation.

November 14, 2006
11:57 pm
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lovinglife
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it's ok Mich you don't need to go on until you are ready...its pretty painful, overwhelming to feel what you have surpressed...

November 14, 2006
11:58 pm
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lovinglife
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I can reply to what you have wrote this far....if that will help you readjust

November 14, 2006
11:59 pm
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needtoheal
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If your feelings were denied or criticized in childhood, it may take a while before you feel safe enough to express your feelings.

Mich-- You have the right to your anger

November 15, 2006
12:00 am
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lovinglife
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I agree Need that Mich has a right to be angry...Your husband hasn't got a clue- not saying that in a mean way, but sadly he doesn't.

November 15, 2006
12:03 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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ok, not doing well, but will continue...

We have a bathroom off of our bedroom with double doors. They are always open when one of us are in the shower. Well, a couple of times here recently he will stand behind that door and wait until I get out and basically attack me. Not with physical force or anything...but he scares the hell out of me. What this is doing to me is horrible. I was sitting here at the computer the other day and my five year old walked up behind me and touched my hand and I about jumped out of the chair. My heart was going about 125 mph. It scared the hell out of me...Hubby wasn't even home. I am just becoming so paranoid...I don't even want him to touch me. He always wants to try things that I have NO interest in...PERIOD. Things that I know will hurt, things that I know I will NOT enjoy. Then he complains cause it is always the same. When I am on my period, the thought just grosses me out. Of course he could care less, cause he is still getting what he wants...But then he will grab my head and act like he is...nevermind...I can't go there. he has NEVER forced me to do anything. He just guilts me into it. And he does it so subtle. I am so tired of it. I am tired of feeling used and abused...and I don't think he sees what he is doing...

November 15, 2006
12:06 am
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lovinglife
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Mich he doesn't know what he is doing...and yes you are being victimized again... have so many thoughts

November 15, 2006
12:07 am
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ggfred4
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I agree

November 15, 2006
12:08 am
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lovinglife
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this has got to stop...

November 15, 2006
12:08 am
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needtoheal
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Another aspect of anger that is often misunderstood , and thus keeps women from releasing their dammed emotion, is the relationship between anger and love.

MOst of us have been angry, at one time or another, with everyone we love and live closely with.

Yet when you are abused by someone close to you, with whom you've shared good experiences, it can be difficult to admit your anger for fear that it will eradicate the positive aspects of that relationship.

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