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Afghan Sisters.....MOVING Forward TOGETHER...
November 9, 2006
8:35 pm
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needtoheal
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He does not have to be responsible or accountable while living with them..

at 36 years old he has only held this current job for a year..
he was fired last winter from a job because the boss gave him a cell phone and he was calling me all the time (did not use the minutes since it was cell to cell) .. then he was on unemployment for 6 months... then he got the delivery job that he did not like so he lied and quit.. then got this job last fall.. and he was approached about using the office phone to call me so that is when he got a cell phone to call me..

here i go rambling again

November 9, 2006
8:37 pm
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needtoheal
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cyn--- oh sister-- did i scare you

away from all the talk about

whale shit!! love that name too cyndra

November 9, 2006
8:39 pm
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needtoheal
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it is like he sucked the life out

of me ...

November 9, 2006
8:40 pm
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cyndra820
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Need,

You can't scare me away! Why does everyone think I'm the weak sister? LOL

No, I'm back and forth in the kitchen. I just put the rice on for dinner. I'm eating VERY late tonight. Not leaving though. You are stuck with the middle child tonight!!

November 9, 2006
8:42 pm
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needtoheal
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I am glad to be with you of course

I know that you are busy

go ahead and eat

do you want to meet up later????

November 9, 2006
8:43 pm
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cyndra820
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Oh, I know about the sucking the life out of you!!!

When I met FIB I was so proud of myself. I thought I was doing well at losing weight and found that I finally LIKED the way I looked.

Then he comes along telling me about his model girlfriends and who attractive this one was or how he liked that one's butt. Yeah, I was bombarded with images of JLo with boobs. Just fantastice. Soon my self esteem took a hike.

I understand that we started as friends, and we were very open but at some point didn't he think he should tell me he found me desirable and attractive?

I feel the life seeping back in, but oh the agony of self-realization!!

November 9, 2006
8:44 pm
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cyndra820
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Need, I can do this and cook!! The rice is going to take 20 minutes. I'll let you know when I have to leave. Deal?

November 9, 2006
8:46 pm
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needtoheal
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and I have been reading about co-dependency and I do know all the reasons for why I have all of these co-dependency issues (many of which I spilled my guts out on the other sister threads)... so that is why I have been feeling so strong because i have been embracing being alone because even though i miss the boys i know that i am never alone since i can be here.. and it is good for me and the boys to be apart.. so i am just learning how to enjoy that time.. i am working tomorrow night and then saturday working 10-5 then leave for bowling at 7 til 10pm. then working sunday 12-6:30 THEN boys come back 7:30 pm so I am trying to fill up my time well..

November 9, 2006
8:52 pm
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needtoheal
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deal!!

what is it with those pictures? in some way i think that he may have wanted me to find them .. like i mentioned to LL he may have quit smoking but he never took steps in recovery.. and i also think that he projects his misery and insecurities onto me.. just like FIB did to you..

same thing.. and i got comments about other women that he would see.. but he admitted that he never had a relationship with anyone before me and his mother confirmed that with me too...

that was another thing that i was reading in this book called the co-depency trap.. that there is no equality in this type of toxic relationship.. one person tries to be one-up on the other.. one becomes stronger and the other weaker...

November 9, 2006
8:52 pm
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cyndra820
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Sounds like you've got the filling time thing down pat!! Good for you.

Sometimes keeping busy is the only way to handle it. I understand that.

I understand that my mother taught me a lot of my codependence. When she was unlearning it she forgot to tell me she was unlearning it!!!

So, I am okay with doing this alone. I don't mind spending time alone. I like being able to hear my own thoughts and not be worried about how FIB is doing!!!

Going to peel shrimp. Back in about five minutes. It is 8:53 EST.

November 9, 2006
8:53 pm
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needtoheal
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mmmm.. sounds good.. do you like to cook? i do but not for myself.. another issue i have to face...

November 9, 2006
8:55 pm
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needtoheal
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that is why i strive for the boys to be autonomous... i do feel good about how i am with them.. i feel that i can teach them things that i have learned about myself and the way i was treated .. and turn that around for them .. but IF only I could practice what I teach/preach

November 9, 2006
8:55 pm
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needtoheal
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be right back 8:55pm

November 9, 2006
8:56 pm
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lovinglife
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girls I thought I'd pop in to say goodnight before I start getting ready to for work. Now are you two going to be around this weekend?? The next few days I won't be on as much (though I was always say that).....

OK if we are having confession time about breaking contact....get the bonker out for LL...not that I'm am going to use it on anyone but will hand it to you two to use on me...have done it twice in the last two weeks. (and it's been *over* since June). And thankfully he hasn't ever responded to me - I'd rather look pathetic if that be the case then be having to deal with the feelings within me that I still have for him, knowing that it would never be returned-and all it would take is to hear from him to bring it all back up to the surface even if it was negetive. So with that, I am thankful he continues to ignore me as I want to love someone who actually loves me, not to love someone who doesn't feel the same about me if that makes sense.

And GG take down the wall- no building walls in here- we need to decorate our walls with affirmations.

I'll try to pop in later, if not...love ya all and have a goodnight.

LL

November 9, 2006
8:58 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Hey girls I am only stoping in for just a second but I will be back later tonight. I posted a thread that I think that some of you gals would like. ITs the insprational christian reading thread. Please if you have the time read it. IT really is good. I will be back in about 2 1/2 hours after my boys go to bed. Love ya

November 9, 2006
8:59 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, are you still here?

November 9, 2006
9:01 pm
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lovinglife
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yes gg for a few

November 9, 2006
9:02 pm
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lovinglife
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need to go lay down for a bit...

November 9, 2006
9:03 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks LL and Random

LL-- you are right and I think that i feel the same.. have to get over someone who does not love me the way in which i need to be loved.. had to get over the ex-husband and undfortunately turned to this man to fill that void.. i know this but is so difficult.. but i am here and that is a blessing for me right now..

cyn-- maybe we should check out random's thread later OK?

and this is so comforting to know that I have been surrounded with sisters who do love and care...

LL== hope tonight goes well for you at work... and i hope that you get to see HIM-- the cute and muscular guy

November 9, 2006
9:05 pm
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needtoheal
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GG---

no walls to be built.. and i promise that i will not make a fort...

that would not help.. and we both know it..

November 9, 2006
9:06 pm
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needtoheal
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and how appropriate that this thread is named moving forward together...

mich is so wonderful... such a big shit

November 9, 2006
9:06 pm
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ggfred4
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why haven't we heard from mich? I am scared...I tried setting a boundardy (probably first one) and it blew up in my face...daughter yelled, stormed out, husband yelled that I upset our daughter,and started yelling and ranting on and on...and now we aren't talking at all..I am scared about tomorrow...but I will deal with it...

everyone is going...

November 9, 2006
9:13 pm
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cyndra820
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GG, remember all that beauty takes time!!!

November 9, 2006
9:13 pm
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needtoheal
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GG--
i am thinking about MICh too...

i am glad that you were able to put up some boundaries... sorry that you have to hear it from the H...

I know that you are worried and scared about tomorrow..
We will all be with you GG
holding you

November 9, 2006
9:14 pm
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needtoheal
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how's the shrimp and rice??

sounds delicious.. now i am getting hungry

reminds me of the other night when random was baking cookies..

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