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Afghan Sisters.....MOVING Forward TOGETHER...
November 9, 2006
12:17 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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What "exactly" did gg do, LL? I want yuor version...

And gg, I HAVE spoiled you rotten, and I have enjoyed it. I love you

November 9, 2006
12:20 pm
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lovinglife
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oh girls I have somewhat of a funny for ya...just got thinking about last night...ya know how Astute was looking for info on Behavior Therapy??? Well cute guy is a *Behavioral Analyst*, and may I say a HOT one : )

OK, need to keep my head going here in the area of growth- not on a man, just quite yet....but he is just so fricken cute, and those muscles under the dress shirts, damn!! Ok, growth, growth, growth, growth!!! What's stirring this up is I may be working with him Saturday morning and I haven't seen him in the flesh for about a month...(oh which I should mention - I might be doing a double Friday night into Saturday day- had the opportunity to pick it but waiting because I just might be forced anyhow.)

Ok back to work here... growth, growth, growth, growth....
and last night was a HUGE one for me!!

November 9, 2006
12:21 pm
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lovinglife
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look at what cute guys do to me!! better stop while I am ahead here : )

And Mich- GG will tell you...

November 9, 2006
12:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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i typed a post before that...

November 9, 2006
12:26 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich thank you for pointing that out to me....getting back to business here..

You have a beautiful day pampering yourself. Will be praying for your appointment tommorrow with Jim. I want some direction for you Mich- you are such a beautiful person and I want to see, feel, hear that you are happy (and why can't we just be the inpatient care??)

Love you Sis, and yes I would have to say that you are the Big Sh*t and feel totally safe knowing that you're there covering my back or standing up for your sisters.

Love you Mich- have a great day!!

((((Mich))))

November 9, 2006
12:38 pm
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lovinglife
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Mich- please just be back here in time to put your lil sis to bed : ) she will esp need you tonight because she'll be gone for two days...

November 9, 2006
12:38 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, you better go and take a long, cold shower!!! LOL

Mich, I am so glad you are going to get pampered...you deserve it...thanks for spoiling me mich...think that is the reason I feel comfortable now to talk and feel feelings here; I know you are there for me...

Oh,and mich, I don't know what LL is talking about..."exactly what the lil shit did"...maybe you have me confused with someone LL???!!!!

I sure hope someone is going to be around tonight....

November 9, 2006
12:59 pm
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lovinglife
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uh-huh right GG you don't know what you did ; )

I will be here tonight for you silly...wait...usually I am getting ready for work around that time...so Mich...

and GG you are so right I need to calm down here (take a cold shower!) about cute guy- really I do. It is another area of growth for me I have to work on...though it doesn't sound like it, but it takes me alot to find a guy attractive - and that attraction starts with who they are as a person (he works amazingly with the kids at work-has same sincere heart as myself)… but see what happens to me when I find a guy attractive is I get all weird and that weirdness is exactly what I need to work on (and the weirdness is not acting like my normal goofy relaxed self, but acting like he don't exist if I'm around him and then if they do have an interest in me, - I push’em away or keep'em at a distance). And that’s what I need to work on, to just be me (first step). So if I do get to work with him this weekend I have a HUGE mission to accomplish- when he is around not to clam up but be just me.

November 9, 2006
1:02 pm
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lovinglife
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and GG- I really think he does like me... and if that is in fact the case, I don't want to screw it up...whether anything was ever to become of it or not. I just want to be me no matter who I am around.

November 9, 2006
1:10 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, just remember this..when you are around him...keep saying to yourself..."be myself"....because LL, you have to want someone who likes and then will love you for who you are!!! Relax girl....!!! You have a beautiful soul...And then remember this..."if it is meant to be, it is meant to be"...Oh, and when trying to be yourself, QUIT looking at his body!!! Also...give him a chance LL, don't close the doors too quickly, every person is different, give him a chance....
(gosh, it is so much easier to give advice than take it!!!)

I must have alzheimer's because LL, I don't think I did anything wrong last night,,,hehe,,,lil shit!!!

November 9, 2006
1:12 pm
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lovinglife
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sorry girls...just thinking here...

but I am wondering if when I sense that there is an interest in me as well that this is why I clam all up inside...????? and if that is true- I want to know why...

hmmmm don't know...I do know though that there are guys I've thought to be cute and have no problem with being myself around... but just certain ones on occassion. hmmmmm interesting.

November 9, 2006
1:13 pm
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lovinglife
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shoot I apologized...where is a fricken delete button when you need one , badly !!

November 9, 2006
1:20 pm
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lovinglife
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and GG- I honesty, I swear, on sisters honor here- didn't even really take notice of his body until the day he came in with a t-shirt on verses his normal dress shirt. Before that time I had already thought he was a doll- THAT just sealed the deal : )

Anyhow, this is really something I need to work here. Maybe this crush of mine is preparing me for the day when I meet the 'one'. But then I think that with the 'one', things will just happen naturally. Who knows!!

November 9, 2006
1:39 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, know all about wanting that delete button at times....but you brought up a great ?....about why you clam up?...think about it LL, and remember this is just my thoughts here,,,all of us and I just did it with, remember ....thoughts, that we tend to downplay ourselves a lot...we lack self-confidence...our self-esteem is not where it should be...all of this causes us to doubt...so when you think that someone may be interested in you, that doubt comes to play, clamming up is a response to that...just DON'T close the doors LL...

You are wonderful...you deserve a great companion, partner, lover, and friend...I will be praying for not only the opportunity, but for you to be open and relaxed and for you to be YOU...the LL that we just LOVE!!!

November 9, 2006
2:12 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, need to ask something?

November 9, 2006
2:40 pm
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lovinglife
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{GG- I had the internet off for a bit-my provider was doing some updating...what's the question??}

Thank you GG- that touched my heart what you wrote and brought things in reality here. We really do need each other on this journey don't we...

Now for a rambling...

Before I came back here, was thinking how I would handle it if I do see him this weekend... thinking I'd tell myself that I don't have a crush on him - just shut down my emotions, and that way I could act normal. But then I thought- no that is defeating the whole dern purpose (not shutting down feelings or not running). Soooo, it's going to be having confidence in myself and not to let the negative types play in my head.

Also I realized something else this morning thinking about work, the cute guy, lack of confidence, taking another step forward in my life etc. …When I had the chance to boot the ex, I didn’t, I fricken didn’t. The why of I’m working on. And not looking for sympathy but more like in need of a huge bonk on my head to wake me up…......... he has continued to treat me like shit - blows me away where he even gets the balls AND the m-f newest thing around here- (before it was just waking me up whenever he felt like it) but he now actually climbs into my bed like he can-whenever he feels like it… like I’m not suppose to say anything???? The other night I was here on the computer and realized he was he my room watching tv-all nestled up in my bed... I said “WTF-get out of my room…” And of course he got pissy, left my room….but you know what girls…this is just the start of it. He knows I don’t want him here, he’s been told not to touch me, he’s been told not to wake me, and now he has been told to stay the hell out of my room…but can guarantee I’ll find him in my room again, and again, and again. And again, and again I'll be saying the same things.

Now the thing with work… I had the opportunity to pick up some great extra $$$ that I need badly to get back on my feet…and had I booted him like I wanted to, like I should have…there would have been no thinking this a.m. when I got the call about open shifts. But I feel so weak, confused. Then the other thing about picking up extra shifts (one or two a week), I would have worked w/ cute guy-not that seeing him is what is important but that I would be around people getting even that much more stronger. By requesting to do the overnights- I shut myself off from the world- there are only 4-5 of us at night verses about 30 and the only other *humans* I see is the janitors in the morning and the 1st shift coming in. When will I get my head out of my *ss???

Guess what I am trying to say is that today what I am writing would be a whole different story had I had faith and belief in myself just two weeks ago. I used to hold onto that if exH got another DUI- that would be it- it would give me the strength… now it’s holding onto his court hearing and hoping he goes to jail for a long time. When will it end? It’s only going to end when I make it end. In a healthy way, of course : )

November 9, 2006
2:48 pm
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ggfred4
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going back to read your post, but wanted to get the ? out,,,,mich has a long interview tomorrow...do you think something could take place tomorrow, is it a possiblility? I wrote my letter for her...should I put it on this thread, which is sort of private or its own thread???

November 9, 2006
2:52 pm
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lovinglife
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good thinking GG- not sure but I think maybe a thread for just Mich as I'm sure others will have messages to send with her as well.

November 9, 2006
2:58 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, thanks for sharing...I feel that is the first time you have really opened up in awhile...thanks...trying not to cry...I can't tell you what to do about the X, which I could, but it wouldn't be too nice...You have stated it and you know in your heart that he is not going to change and he is going to keep trying and trying over and over again and again to stay with you...YOU have to decide when enough is enough...Just don't want you to ruin a chance of a future relationship or get too low where you can't think straight to make a decision...BUT, LL, if he is around you that much, you aren't going to be able to think straight...And if you told him to stay out of your bed (and by the way, that really PISSES me off) and he still does it....he is not respecting you LL and you DESERVE RESPECT...He is a leech...sorry, not nice, had to say it sweetie girl...

We can tell when he is around and not around in your personality here and I am sure that is the same with your kids and at work...so see, how will that affect the possibility of "cute guy"....

I don't mean to overstep my bounds here LL, been wanting to say something for a long time about your X, but have been holding back and honestly, want to say a whole lot more, but will refrain....

I want what is best for YOU...LL, you have one life here on earth, okay...we can't change people, we can only change ourselves...

I love you so much.....((((LL))))))

November 9, 2006
3:04 pm
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ggfred4
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Calling all sisters, I started a thread for our loving mich, should she leave us for a period of healing...please leave her a note that she can print out and take with her...thanks,,,,gg

November 9, 2006
3:15 pm
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lovinglife
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thanks GG- now you have me crying : ) and I was just heading out to the PO and to the store...good thing I don't have make up on right now...

This is the first time I almost feeling like yelling HELP ME SOMEONE, HELP ME ....I guess in some way that is growth for me to even feel like yelling that. I'll get my life straightend back out again, I know I will, but I'm just so tired of fighting it, ya know? And I am not getting any younger here : )

But I have not given up on Hope nor given up on finding the answers. I am only having a moment right now... it just really hit me this morning when I got the call about the open shifts as well as hearing someone's voice who sounds like they have even a little respect for me - (my supervisor) and then being validated by you of what I feel.

Ok off to the store..straighten up soldier, on ward...

Love you GG, you too Mich and all the rest of our sisters.

November 9, 2006
3:28 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, it is okay to feel, that is what I learned from you,,,you told me that when I first got to know you...

Make sure you get a post to mich...

November 9, 2006
3:56 pm
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Friendma
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Anyone around?

November 9, 2006
4:01 pm
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lovinglife
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yes GG, I will get something posted for our dear sweet Michy...

just thought of two more things!! First, GG you'll be gone tommorrow, Mich will be gone tommorrow, and I will be as well...and why I will be gone brought me to my second thought.... Going into the doctors to get my prescription for the Zyban renewed (tried to just get it filled but he wants to see me)...anyhow my doc gave me the original script (back in April) to quit smoking (which I haven't-and will hear about) but now I have to tell him that I still want to take continue to take it as an anti-depressant...I know he won't have a problem with that but first he is going to want to know why (he's been my doc for 5 yrs-met him in the ER-and other than possbily having a hunch-I've told him nothing of my personal life re exH)... also believe he is going to want me to see a therapist- (which I have but he moved his office an hour and a half away from me-hard to get to and stay consistent with )...SO anyhow got thinking about how I felt so safe with *my therapist* the first time I told my story...and how safe and understood I've felt with him since... and only him (minus you girls of course) and don't think I could tell it again in some cold office somewhere or even just a little bit to my doc- but I need the damn prescription filled!! What is my point...I totally understand GG why you feel so safe and bonded to Mich...(and me too even though I'm not the best tucker'in'er!)

Enough of my rambling for today...off to take a cat nap- Need, Cyndra, Friendma- girls I hope one or all of you will be around tommorrow... if not it's going to be a quiet, quiet day in here...

LL

And GG I will get that posted either tonight or in the morning- I will have a few before my doc appt.

November 9, 2006
4:01 pm
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ggfred4
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just for a short bit, what's up my friend??

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