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Afghan Sisters....Indeed in need of the afghan again...
November 15, 2006
10:10 am
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ggfred4
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mich, does this pass start now, I NEED TO KNOW.

November 15, 2006
10:10 am
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lovinglife
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are you here Missy?

November 15, 2006
10:12 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Sorry...I wasn't trying to make you cry.

I am out of here..I just felt like I needed to know that you were ok with me leaving. Going down hill, I am going to find something to do, just sent Jim an email...Crying completely uncontrollably...

GG, I PROMISE. I did that for both of us gg.

LOVE TO ALL OF MY SISTERS

November 15, 2006
10:12 am
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lovinglife
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I'm sure that Mich will let know when she goes on pass : ) infact GG I think this time you are the grantor of the next pass requested...then next it will have to go through Mitch!!!

November 15, 2006
10:14 am
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lovinglife
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((((( MICH)))))

When its all over it feels good, huh lil shit?

November 15, 2006
10:17 am
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ggfred4
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not sure, LL

November 15, 2006
10:18 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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ok, I am going on pass...Have to go.

November 15, 2006
10:21 am
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ggfred4
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LL, why am I so sad for her?

November 15, 2006
10:37 am
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lovinglife
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GG because you know the feeling

November 15, 2006
10:47 am
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ggfred4
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LL, so sad now...yucky...can you talk? If not, it can wait, just don't want to no one..

November 15, 2006
10:48 am
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ggfred4
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LL, didn't you give me a time frame on the pass??? How long for mich?

November 15, 2006
10:52 am
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lovinglife
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what time our your breaks? And don't be sad GG- ....pray for your Sis. Mich will come back just a little stronger or perhaps maybe needing lots of hugs and reassurance... this stuff is not fun, at all. But what do we do? continue to hold it all and stay all alone in our nightmares, our pains, our hurts, questioning if its us or what....or share and feel the overwhelming feelings that we couldn't feel at the time but now we can in the safety of our sisterhood knwoing that someones understands and feels your pain.

November 15, 2006
10:54 am
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ggfred4
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I have a break from 12:05-12:35 and 1:25-2:25 when I am alone...and have 20 min. here and there each hour, but am not alone during those times...

I will pray and hold my sis...I get so emotional with her, why?

November 15, 2006
11:00 am
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lovinglife
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cos you love her and care deeply about her..and then it doesn't help that your twins and can feel each others pain- ever thought about that one? I'll check back around the noon hour. Hang in there. Mich will be fine...your best use of time for Mich is to just hold her and pray for her...what don't accomplish nothing by worrying ( I know I need that when my son was overseas- didn't pray once but just sat here are worried constantly)..

Ok I will check back in at noon.

November 15, 2006
11:06 am
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ggfred4
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I love you LL!

November 15, 2006
12:00 pm
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lovinglife
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I love you too GG!!

November 15, 2006
12:59 pm
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ggfred4
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big sis LL, gonna start writing because this has been eating at me ever since you asked and thought I could deal with it alone, but guess I can't...This is a part of the surgery I fear a lot...I KNOW I was molested, gosh this is still so hard to say, taking a breath here, by my dad at least two times when I was hospitalized and under drugs...gosh, how sick is that? The last time, I had one of those pumps where you push your own painkiller as needed intravenously...I KNOW he kept pumping it...Everyone always thought he was great by being a great dad by volunteering to take care of me in the hospital, at home when I was sick, lay with me in 5th grade when my arm was broken, etc. The sad part, I KNOW there are more times and really don't remember how far things went and I can't face them, I just can't....I know I need to and want to one day and then want to get past it all...

At my age, I should not even be worried about this right? The man is 75 years old with colon cancer but is in great shape. Gosh, this is hard, I could have had the surgery 2 1/2 hours away from where he lives but chose Houston because of the specialist there and because it is a total of 6 hours away from him...thought I would be safe...Well, one of my kids must have told my parents that I might be by myself a couple of days so they got a hotel room for that time period..I freaked...So, began lying, called my mom, told her that my teacher friends from school had already taken off to stay in my hospital room with me (a big lie) and that I didn't want them to travel that far and that I would call them....etc....Then, I begged my husband to figure out a way to miss work and cover two of the days also...still have 2 days alone...can't let them find out...see, know one knows but me.......

Now, their plans are this...they think I am taken care of in the hospital and know I will be home alone and pretty much immobilized at first, so they want to stay A WEEK after I get home...I know I won't be drugged, but I will need some aid getting to bathroom, etc. and my mom had back surgery this year...I know he is going to tell mom to sit and rest, and oh she will, and he is going to touch me, and I am going to freak out...OMG LL, I didn't even know this was in my mind...I have refused to even think about it...What am I going to do???He thinks I don't remember, I guess. I FEAR him!!! He thinks he is the best father...gag...I am afraid of being in the house alone with him...What if she goes shopping, or goes and picks up food, or run errands,..I am so scared, LL,,,very scared...I HAVE NO CHOICE here...I had to lie and manipulate to keep them out of Houston and I still know, found out, that they have NOT cancelled their hotel reservations! My mom's feelings are always hurt because I put them off so much...I already have to spend 2 days there next week for Thanksgiving, but there will be the whole family.

So LL, bet you regret asking about my recovery now!!! I am more stressed over the mental,,,haven't even once considered the physical...

Hold me LL, please...miss my mich..

November 15, 2006
1:02 pm
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lovinglife
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I am here GG...let me read and do something real quick...brb

and you bet GG I will hold you ((((GG)))) and your Michy will be back.

November 15, 2006
1:04 pm
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cyndra820
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OK!!! I'm here!!!

I was handling mom and her situation. She is very depressed, but we got through dog training last night. I didn't do any of the training. I just went for moral support. She did all the training while I worked on my Self-Esteem book.

When I got her home I had a nice long talk about it with her. She is missing her mother. The holidays are here. I asked her if she wanted to go to New Jersey to see her sisters, but she said no. I don't think she knows what she needs right now.

I may need some positive images to put in the pot I'm taking all of the negatives from. I may be calling on all of you to help me with that. I did find out that the critic in my head sounds like FIB!! It used to be my own voice, but he was so critical that it has now changed to his.

I haven't gotten caught up on last night's thread. I thought I'd come back online, but after talking to her I was just too tired.

Okay, ladies, have a great day. I will be checking on you later. I have a meeting this afternoon. I was working on the annual report this morning. I'm just a busy little bee!!! BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ!!!

Love,
Cyndra

November 15, 2006
1:09 pm
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lovinglife
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I'm here replying...wished us girls really could take a road trip...this breaks my heart...and I never regret asking you anything GG....

November 15, 2006
1:11 pm
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ggfred4
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i am here LL, eating alone in my room, but yet that too is another story, another time...I would love a road trip...

November 15, 2006
1:16 pm
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cyndra820
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LL~ Who knows, maybe one day it will happen. We may figure out a way. I know anonymity is important, but I do wish there was a way we could meet. Then we'd have a road trip. I could go up and get Need. Then we'd swing over to pick up Mich and LL. After that we'd get GG. Then we could head for the beach!!!

I'll write more later. I'm going to sit FAR away from my boss so I can catch up. This thread alone is 23 pages!!!

November 15, 2006
1:17 pm
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lovinglife
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GG- had to trim up the back of my son's hair (emergency sitz ya know)....

Ok can't you find it you to just tell your parents that you will be fine, you don't want them there, or ??? There has to be something GG. And this is not a matter of hurting someones feelings GG- it's a matter of that our GG feels safe (for god sake in our own homes)... you don't need this stress AT ALL. I can see why this all would be causing you stress...I just want to hold you, hug you...

November 15, 2006
1:18 pm
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lovinglife
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that man will not be coming to your home GG...

November 15, 2006
1:19 pm
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lovinglife
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how long will it be from now until the surgery until your home recovering? This is just making me sick thinking about...

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