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Afghan sisters...HOLDING TIGHT TODAY
November 12, 2006
10:04 am
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ggfred4
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Yea, my cyn is back!!! Seriously, I can't believe how close I am getting to my sisters here...I had quit allowing myself to get close to people...they leave you, plain and simple...do I still feel this way?...Hell, yes...but this feeling here on this site is so good for my soul and spirit, that I am taking this chance, and yes, I am scared,...

cyn, was fussing in fun at you.. because I missed you...you take whatever ME time you need, okay? Hey, what is ME time anyway????

November 12, 2006
10:06 am
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ggfred4
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cyn, the father thread bothers me a LOT and it is right next to our thread, have to leave for a while..don't know, can't handle...check in about an hour..it is 9:00cst.

November 12, 2006
10:20 am
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cyndra820
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WOW!!! That's all I can say. The triplets are the talkative ones here, and am I glad for that!!

LL and I would probably only have 20 postings a day and they would be so boring. Okay, maybe not THAT boring, but...you get the picture.

Okay, I got caught up on a LOT of sleep. SO needed that. Now I'm preparing to bake a cake for work. Would using Duncan Hines really be cheating if I made the frosting from scratch? Hmm...

GG~ Hello my amazing sister. How are you today? I did read the comment about the margarita. I love those things, but only twice a year. I'm sorry they won't give you pain killers. That's not fair!!!

I read the thread about the Father's ---. I'm with you. I think she's in denial too, but I asked a question. I have some that are a bit harder than that, but don't want to scare her away. If my daughter (had I a daughter) told me something like that he'd be sleeping at a buddy's house and the police would be involved. She says it's emotional but I suspect it may also have been physical.

I wanted to ask why she didn't take some sort of action. I did ask if he had ever approached their youngest daughter. I am thinking he may have.

Need~ How are you? I have a very tough question for you. Who are you when you are with Whale Shit? What makes being with him so good? I wanted to ask these questions before, but I think Ma Strong may have asked them of you. Don't know. I have to find your thread and then go to the No Contact thread. Thanks, Need. I missed you too.

LL~ Did you see Cute Guy? Did you see that two of the triplets are going to come up with a name for your ass hole and we all get to vote on it? I thought that was funny.

Mich~ How are you? I hope you enjoyed your trip. I missed you!!!

Today is the day I start my diet. I've got fifty pounds to lose. I've made a contract with myself to lose the weight in six months. I want to be thin by April.

Other than that my day promises to be filled with butter, eggs and flour.

Talk to you later.

I LOVE ALL MY SISTERS!!

November 12, 2006
10:33 am
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cyndra820
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GG~ I'll check back on you. Need is partying on other threads. LOL

November 12, 2006
10:55 am
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ggfred4
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are any my sisters around?

November 12, 2006
11:06 am
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needtoheal
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Hi GG

still here.. just checking in after the walk with Mandy and my mom/.

Have to go soon to get ready for work

Cyn-- I do not know what is so attractive to Whale shit.. I think that it is just the need to feel needed.. I have not seen him in a month but that was when he stopped by to see me at work.. We have not spent any time together in about two months now.. last time was when I wanted him out of the house and shut off the playstation and he called me a c-nt... and said that if i got my brother because he pushed me out of the way he would stab the a--hole in his heart in front of me...
thanks for asking.. it has helped to have my sisters with me... pray for me girls... I do not want to spiral down...

all my love

November 12, 2006
11:10 am
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ggfred4
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need, I will pray for you and hold you close and I don't want you near the a2...he doesn't deserve you...but need, I am starting to panic about the father thread...that's ridiculous...I know...guess I should stay away today...no one is going to be here anyway...so sad and afraid...

November 12, 2006
11:18 am
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needtoheal
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GG---
I have not checked on the father thread./ it is too disturbing for me.. really had me upset last night.. I can't go there right now

I would recommend that you not go there because I know how much it hurts and disturbs us both tremendously..

I will be here after 6 eastern..

will you be around?

thanks for your prayers and holding me today

I promise to you GG that i will not call A2... nor answer IF HE calls.. In fact before I go to work I am turning the answering machine off so that he will not be able to leave a message.. How 's that for strength...
gotta shut the door again....

love ya

hope to talk with you later

want to go to paltalk tonight too

November 12, 2006
11:18 am
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needtoheal
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GG---
I have not checked on the father thread./ it is too disturbing for me.. really had me upset last night.. I can't go there right now

I would recommend that you not go there because I know how much it hurts and disturbs us both tremendously..

I will be here after 6 eastern..

will you be around?

thanks for your prayers and holding me today

I promise to you GG that i will not call A2... nor answer IF HE calls.. In fact before I go to work I am turning the answering machine off so that he will not be able to leave a message.. How 's that for strength...
gotta shut the door again....

love ya

hope to talk with you later

want to go to paltalk tonight too

November 12, 2006
11:25 am
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ggfred4
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me too need, why did I go in the first place? that was stupid and now it is haunting me...okay, need,,,I will hold that promise for you!!!
I am proud of you for trying it out...

Have a good day, gonna miss you...love you sweet need middle shit!

November 12, 2006
1:30 pm
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ggfred4
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I MISS MY SISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 12, 2006
2:19 pm
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ggfred4
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Still missing my sisters, trying not to cry way down here in the South...

November 12, 2006
3:32 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, b4 I forget, heard you say your bday was in March; just curious, what day???

Extremely missing my sisters...LL,cyn, and the shits!!!LOL

Trying to stay upbeat here, but it is hard...cyn, are you working too???
Maybe I should get a second job, too much time on my hands....

November 12, 2006
4:45 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, got so bored today, that my daughter went and got me some hair dye and I dyed my hair, drastic change...that is so not me...now what can I do...wish I had another margarita...miss my sisters so much...gonna get in trouble here w/o you guys!!!

November 12, 2006
4:46 pm
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cyndra820
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Hi GG, don't know if you are still around.

I just finished baking two cakes and am now cooking sauce and meatballs. I'm looking forward to that more than I can say!!!

How are you physically? I know you said you were in a lot of pain last night.

I'm in and out today. I'm trying to be more dilligent about checking on my sisters. I'm not having me time at the moment. Just plain old kitchen time.

LL~ Where are you? I'm dying to hear about Cute Guy!!! I know, I live vicariously right now.

Okay, here's a funny. As all of you know I talked to FIB last week, twice. I need to remember what a selfish, self-centered, ass hole he is.

I had told him about a medical condition of mine that has reappeared. You know what the mofo did? He related to a story about a woman he's helping at church. She had the same procedure done and is now trying to get pregnant. Tell me what that has to do with me? Oh, did he ask about my condition and how I was feeling? FUCK NO!!! Okay, I'm a little pissed at myself for caring. But he's always shown me what he's thought of me.

Oh, well, live and learn then find love.

I am going to put a load of laundry in. Be back in about fifteen minutes. It's 4:45 EST.

Cyndra

November 12, 2006
5:00 pm
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ggfred4
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yes, cyn, trying not to check in, can't take it without my sisters....

I have gone from dk.blonde w/blonde highlights to med. brown hair...not sure about it...

Pain better today, because I am not doing to much so that I can work tomorrow w/o crutches...determined those are not coming with me...supposed to go back to neurologist tomorrow, but have to cancel and hope i can get in during Thanks. when I am off...Can't wait to get this sick crap over with...unless it is truly cluster headaches...then I will have to learn how to live with them...

Now what's up with you medically my dear...please share...

Gosh, we have so many assholes here, don't want to get them confused...LL's is definitely A1 for now, but if need's is A2, then that is going to get me confused with the birth order thing...We have got to name them and vote one night soon! We can have our own Afghan Oscar Night!!! Maybe the hair dye is going to the brain...

let me know what is going on...Hugs...

November 12, 2006
5:19 pm
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ggfred4
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OKAY I AM MISERABLE HERE!!! I know you don't believe me, but I really don't like a lot of attention, okay, maybe one on one attention and my hair is gonna cause a lot tomorrow at school...I look like a stranger in the mirror...But I am miserable because no one is around and I am too dependent on you and don't know what to do now about it plus I want to scream at Hoosiermom on the father thread and that has been so hard not to...I got to figure all of this out especially my dependency now...so codependent...lil shit codependent!!!

November 12, 2006
6:45 pm
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cyndra820
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OKAY, I'm a neglectful sister!!! I got hungry and actually ate dinner then put the laundry in.

I will be here for the next hour. I promise.

GG!! I'm sorry. There I said it.

November 12, 2006
6:48 pm
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cyndra820
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GG,

Why'd you go darker? I imagine it will be a shock for all those students of yours. How do you feel about it? Will it grow on you? I have blonde and light brown highlights in mahagony colored hair with a bit of gray in it.

I like the idea of an Oscar night. Again I get to sleep with the laptop.

They have no clue as to why I'm so tired. I have to get bloodwork done. Since there is another test I want to have I am waiting until the timing is right.

November 12, 2006
6:48 pm
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needtoheal
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hi GG---

I am here.. it is 6:40 Eastern time.. Just got home from work.
I just read LL's thread and it was helpful.. thanks big sister...

I know how you are feeling GG... I am co-dependent too... Pond scum even said that we are two different people..that I am used to having someone around all the time and he is not.. but he was clingy to me for a while.. now he says that he is on a break because so much happened between us and enjoying life...without me.

He does not want to be responsible or accountable for his behavior towards me.. He also referred to me as his mother because he said that is something that she says to him.. Interesting comment..

This is the only place where I can go to talk about this stuff.. and I am having so much difficulty..

He also says that I am too sensitive. He said that if he says one thing to me that I am a mess.. but he is the one who gets so mad.. Like one night when we went to hang out with his friends who do the karoke. I was singing karoke (goodbye to you by scandal.. )and then Landslide and when i had looked over at him talking he looked so mad so I asked him what was wrong and he got mad because he said that he was telling his friend how I am a pain..

November 12, 2006
6:49 pm
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needtoheal
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I told him that it does not seem like things will change because as soon as i mention anything to him he says "oh god"

November 12, 2006
7:03 pm
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cyndra820
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Hi Need,

How was your day at work? What time will the boys be back?

I really don't get that they cling to us and then call us needy!!! Mine did the same thing, but when he was trying to make his new career work he would call me when he KNEW I was at work and want to talk. WTF??

Anyway, I don't particularly get that he doesn't want to be accountable to you. It seems he doesn't want to be accountable period. The scene at Karoke made no sense. If he hadn't told his friend you were in pain his friend wouldn't have known. How the hell is that your fault?

GG~ I am still here. I promise to be here until 8:00pm EST. It is now 7:00pm. So, sis, you have me until then.

November 12, 2006
7:09 pm
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ggfred4
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hey cyn, just spent the last hour rehashing old threads and you know what...I haven't progressed at all.,,,plus now too dependent on my sisters...now I am crying...know what I should do, but can't...I hate how needy I am.

November 12, 2006
7:14 pm
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needtoheal
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cyNDRA--

I am here.. boys come home at 7:30 tonight...

work went well.. thanks for asking..

I got this somewhat figured out..

He is angry.. about the cell number being changed, referred to me calling his friends losers (there was one friend that i did not like,, drug addict to heroin and lost her husband and CHild because of it but I went to the funeral out of respect for him and it was in another state and had to have my parents watch the kids.. but then she started calling here for him and I did not want her in my life at all.. ) He said that I don't know her to call her a loser so I told him that he knows how I feel about her..

then he referred to me as his mother..

yes, he does not want to be accountable or responsible for ANYTHING...
does not have to pay bills other than car payment, car insurance and credit card.. other than that he is free-- does not pay his parents for even food...
and he is 36 years old and has only been with this job for a year!!

I do not have a choice but to close the door on him/.. I think Ma Strong is right... maybe he pulled away from me because he knew that I saw through him that night when I was kicking him out of the house and turned off his playstation game and he called me a c--t for doing so and then said he would stab my brother...

since that night he had been withdrawing,.. and maybe because I took off his mask.. and he rejected me before I rejected him because he knew it would come...

November 12, 2006
7:17 pm
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cyndra820
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GG~ You are not needy. Do you realize that you rely on us for support? Is that wrong? I don't think so. You have a serious medical procedure coming up. You've just had the pre-op done. You are raw again. That doesn't make you needy.

You have progressed. You love us, did you love us when you were writing the old posts? Did you think you would love and care about people you can't see? I think that's progress.

You trusted us enough to tell us about the cutting. You can joke about the "appetizer" you gave your husband. I think that's progress. You are gaining confidence.

Where do you think you should be? How long have you been on this journey? Did you think it would be over in a matter of months? I don't think so sister.

You have made progress. It may not be as much as you think it should, but then where is that? Was it realistic? I have to ask myself those same questions because everyone has tougher expectations of themselves than the people around them.

I think you've made wonderful progress, but remember: Slow and steady wins the race. You've made slow and steady progress. That's the way to healing.

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