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Afghan sisters...HOLDING TIGHT TODAY
November 12, 2006
7:17 pm
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needtoheal
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GG--- we are so much alike...

I am also so needy... and too dependent on others ... even pond scum said that we are two different people.. that I am used to having someone around all the time.. he said that he could go days without calling someone where I can not go hours anymore .. he said that it has been that way since he got his cell phone.. but he was also clingy to me.. got fired from one job and then warned at this job and that is why he got the damn thing because we could always talk..

November 12, 2006
7:19 pm
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needtoheal
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cyn is right Gg.. you are not being needy,, you are looking to all of us for support...

November 12, 2006
7:22 pm
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cyndra820
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GG? Are you here? I know I was gone a long time, but really, I'm here now. Come out, come out wherever you are.

Cyndra

November 12, 2006
7:25 pm
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needtoheal
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cyndra--

just posted to you on the other thread from clownface..
thanks for responding.. and including clownface.. you were not butting in at all and she is grateful for the support.. seems like similar story as mine...

November 12, 2006
7:27 pm
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ggfred4
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thinking and crying and missing mich...and feeling too dependent on all of you...and yes, fighting the urge, but didn't want to tell you...that's why i did my hair,,hated me today for who i am so i changed something drastic, but it didn't change me at all

November 12, 2006
7:32 pm
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cyndra820
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GG~ I am sorry you are hurting. You are not dependent on us!!! I know it seems that way, but to me you are asking for support and love during this extremely difficult time. That's all I see.

Why do you hate you? I love you. I think you are a fantastic person. You have given me so much encouragement and perspective on my situation. You have given me love and held me when I was having a completely shitty day.

I usually cut my hair when I want to change something about me. I know about wanting change.

What can I do to help you to resist the urge? I know the promise to Mich is helping, but if you need more, I'm here for you.

Cyndra

November 12, 2006
7:37 pm
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ggfred4
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I ask for support too much, it feels like every day...couldn't stand it today when no one was here; there was the proof of my dependency; then I began hating myself because of it...pathetic and needy...so I just made my hair ugly and now I hate it...but didn't do anything else...didn't promise last night anyway...but really don't want to get into that trap again, but just feel like i need to punish myself for getting in this situation...don't know just confused...

November 12, 2006
7:39 pm
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ggfred4
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may try a meeting tonight...got to stay busy now..

November 12, 2006
7:41 pm
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lovinglife
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GG! stop with the negetive thoughts right now darn it..quit it, quit it, quit it....

November 12, 2006
7:44 pm
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needtoheal
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GG-- I did the same thing with my hair.. cut it shorter and insisted on it when I went a few weeks ago to get it done..

I have to get to a meeting too GG

I felt the same way afer we said goodnight last night..
felt guilty for talking about A2 to you.. felt as if I let you down because I cannot be like Mich .. felt the same way with her too the one night because I am not like you for her.. feel inadequate but trying my hardest..

November 12, 2006
7:46 pm
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lovinglife
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did you here me?? I said quit that thinking...you are not being too needy or whatever you said...you love us, you enjoy us, you missed all of us....what the hell is wrong with that? Nothing. But you're letting your thoughts think that there is...I've felt the same way about you guys...in fact this weekend since I haven't been able to be on...I couldn't wait until we all get back together...

GG think about it...you are having a self-haterd moment with old, old, old tapes that are playing in your head right now. Stop it before you really spiral downward, please I have done that so many times-

the phone just rang - ex ex bf- yuck : ( brb

November 12, 2006
7:46 pm
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cyndra820
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GG~ I'm going to bonk you over the head. I'm also going to give you a mantra:

I am not needy. I am in need of support and comfort. That's what my sisters give me. I deserve it because I am a good person. (Repeat 10 times)

GG, I have never seen you as needy. Now there was someone on here who was needy, but if I start on that one again Ma Strong will be over here to bonk me on the head. I don't feel like getting bonked on the head. 🙁

Need is right, you had best quit all this negative thinking. I'm going to develop a complex and think that you don't like the afghan sisterhood and you want a different color and all I have is baby colors and no baby in sight, mind you. So, what's it going to be, chickie?

Need~ I'll help you out in any way I can to maintain NC. It wasn't easy for me, but I love that the only thing I hear in my head is concern for myself and my friends not FIB.

November 12, 2006
7:48 pm
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ggfred4
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need, stop that...you aren't mich, you are sweet need...we are all different...I am not the same with you as mich is with you...right??? You were so sweet last night and you needed to talk, that is fine...

I have no more pretty highlights....

sorry, LL..and I don't care if you bonk me either...

November 12, 2006
7:54 pm
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ggfred4
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cyn, I love the afgan sisterhood, don't say that...I think I love you all too much; yet is that possible???

Why are you and LL fussing at me? I am just saying how I feel; I don't mean to be negative, sorry, sorry, sorry...should have kept my mouth closed...I am SCARED when no one is around...So yes LL, went back to old threads out of boredom and couldn't believe that I am no better now than I was this summer...in fact more pathetic...thinking i am sinking in deep shit, so I will stop, confused anyway...

November 12, 2006
8:00 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks GG.. and I have felt similar.. about being needy but I think that LL and Cyndra are right.. is not neediness.. it is about missing your sisters.. I felt that way and so empty without you and MIch the other day.....

so please do not be so hard on yourself..

You are great and we should both do what cyndra adviced... say it over and over to ourselves.. and not take out the old tapes in our heads..

thanks for thinking of me as being sweet.. funny but that is what a lot of people say that I am...

I did not even think that way of myself -- i can be so distorted

cyndra-- thanks for the support with no contact.. GG was helpful and LL has been so supportive too.. and thank heaven for Ma Strong..

hugs to all

November 12, 2006
8:07 pm
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ggfred4
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gone to take a break and work on codep shit slump. be back...sorry

November 12, 2006
8:07 pm
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lovinglife
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GG what do you mean that you are no better than you were a few months ago??? You seem to forget but I met you the DAY you first came to AAC....

Now where are you in this about being to shake it off? And it's ok to apoligize for this one...what you experienced today in thinking is one of those things you're working on....GG I've been there I know what happens in the thoughts process's...

November 12, 2006
8:09 pm
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lovinglife
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I love you lil sis (((GG)))..now you've had a great weekend, don't sabatoge it with letting the OLD negetive tapes play in the head, K? And once again, I've done that too- feel good then something happens and the tapes start playing....now I am going to hit the stop button for you right now, ok?

November 12, 2006
8:10 pm
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cyndra820
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((((GG))))~ We are not fussing at you for saying what you are feeling!!! We just don't want you to feel that way!!! We love you and don't want you to think you are a bad person. That's why we're fussing at you!! We want you to take out that tape (Thanks Need) and play the one I recommend.

You love us. You want our support. You miss us when we aren't here. Those are all okay things to feel. So stop beating yourself up for feeling that way.

I miss my sisters when they aren't around and I am. I am always hitting the refresh key to see if our thread has been added to. So, you aren't the only one who needs us. Got it?

Love,
Cyndra

November 12, 2006
8:12 pm
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needtoheal
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Boys are home.. THey are playing in their room.. they have their own restaurant... cash register.. matt is the waiter and takes the orders. and jake is the cook.. like I said , I have no idea why I even have a tv.. and now I am debating about having a phone... think I should be in Amish country,,..

November 12, 2006
8:13 pm
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needtoheal
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i am laughing GG because they just said what do I want for an APPETIZER!

November 12, 2006
8:13 pm
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ggfred4
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I think I am too attached and clingy and can't handle it when you are all gone...yet, I have to...I don't know...just don't know...LL, don't know what you meant about where in this...shake it off???

I won't read any more old threads tonight, ok

November 12, 2006
8:15 pm
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needtoheal
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GG-- that is a good idea not to read the old threads right now.. take a deep breath and let's talk

November 12, 2006
8:18 pm
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cyndra820
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GG~ You are not too attached or clingy. Hey!! I minimize at work!!! What does that say?!?!?! I need to communicate with you all. I feel bad when I've not been around and you've all been looking for me. The whole MIA thing was funny.

Why can't we ever see the good in ourselves? The progress we make? I can see it in everyone else, but rarely in myself. I think that's what this may be for you. You can see what we're doing, but you negate all that you've done.

Do I need to start a GG pot too? I will you know!! LL will help. She's better at writing beautiful things than I am. Need has plenty too. When Mich sees it she will fill it to overflowing. So, is that what you need? Just let me know!!

I love you GG!!!

November 12, 2006
8:18 pm
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ggfred4
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I am okay, don't want to talk anymore; will make me feel more needy and worse...

Let's talk about LL and the cute guy and all three of your assholes and what we are going to call them..

You are all so wonderful...

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