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Affairs and addictive behavior
September 7, 2005
4:32 pm
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RobertM65
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I've read that affairs are addictive behavior. My fear is that my W will not have the will power to end it.

I know I have to make her believe that I am willing to end the marriage if things continue as they are.

September 7, 2005
4:43 pm
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I C Gold
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YOU can't threaten or "make" her quit an affair, if you do, she's going to resent you for it and just repeat the behavior. People go outside of a relationship when certain needs are not being met. Find out what those needs are. She may not even be able to tell you, so don't be surprised.

If you will end the marriage over this, tell her calmly, quietly and in a manner that leaves nothing to doubt. "If you do or continue to do "this", I'm leaving and ending our marriage." Do it when you are mad, been drinking, tired etc...make sure everyone is in a peaceful state of mind. DON'T BLAME THE PERSON SHE'S HAVING THE AFFAIR WITH, that will just push her closer to him and they will have even more of a bond. Take a hard look at yourself and see what's going on with you and how you could have been a contributer to this. I'm not saying you are to blame by any means, adults choose to cheat and that's on THEM. I'm suggesting when you find out what needs she's not getting met, where or how were you not meeting them.
Good Luck,
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September 7, 2005
4:43 pm
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confusedboopster
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i cheated on my hubby. i regret it. i do love him very much and if I could go back and change things i would. i hurt my hubby, my family, and myself. i can assure you that in my case, it is not addictive behavior.

September 7, 2005
4:44 pm
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taj64
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You bet. It is form of escape. Or could be sex addiction. It is valid fear. Are you talking to her about this?

September 7, 2005
9:32 pm
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gofigure
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I just have to take exception to the statement that people go outside their relationship when certain needs are not being met. Certainly this is the case in some, if not many instances, however, as taj said, sex addiciton is an instance where there is nothing the SO has or hasn't done to "encourage" the affair. Thanks for allowing my my 2 cents.
~go

September 7, 2005
10:47 pm
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StronginHim77
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To me, the honorable way to handle an unhappy marriage would be to (1) terminate the marriage (i.e., separate and obtain divorce), then (2) begin dating someone else, as occasion presents itself. IN THAT ORDER.

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