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Advice to save marriage !
July 27, 2005
6:59 pm
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angelzBfree
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September 24, 2010
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Hello. This is my first time here. I was hoping to find someone to talk to. I don't have a terrible relationship, but I really don't feel happy right now. Sometimes, I am fine. But then, there are times when I feel overwhelmed, overburdened, and/or trapped. Please don't get me wrong. My husband has never done anything to hurt me. I just, I don't know, I just am really struggling right now. I feel I am fighting for something I can't change or win. I get upset because it's like everyday it's something. And things bother me. If I could change my marriage or my relationship with my husband right now, the things I would change is his tone with the children and how easily he looses his cool. He has never been real physical with them, but enough to make me nervous sometimes. I feel like I am always jumping in to calm things down. I don't know if the way I feel is just me being over protective or paranoid or I just don't know. All I know is that there are times when he fusses and I start to feel nervous inside, I feel if I don't step in something will happen. I have expressed my concerns for years to him. I have even asked him to get help. It really bothers me and I don't know what to do. Last week I told him I wanted to stay in the girls room temporarily- kind of as a time out- I told him this last step I could think of w/out leaving & try to save our marriage. I felt so guilty that I went back on what I said and never temp. moved into the girl's room. He never says mean things to me. But yet I can't help feel the way I feel. I feel like nothing is ever going to change. He said he is going to go to anger management and has told me he has looked up some counselors, but he hasn't gone yet. What also bothers me is that he hides the stupidest things from me. Not that he has to tell me everything, but we live on a very tight budget where every penny counts. And there have been times when he spends money and forgets to tell me. Like when he went to the eye doctor he conveniently forgot to mention how he had to write a check for 162 dollars. Things like this really bother me. And also, sometimes it bothers me when, eventhough we both work, he will just sit down and watch tv and leave me to making dinner, bathing all 3 kids, and cleaning. And he is always so sorry for forgetting, or not helping, or loosing his cool. At one point I was in contact with my ex high school sweetheart. And I just needed someone to talk to because I have been taking on so much. Between work, and taking care of the house, kids, and my hubby (making sure he takes his medicine everyday, etc) (sometimes I feel more like his mom than wife)... I just needed to talk. Well, when my husband found out, he gave me and ultimatum. I had to decide, him or my ex... and if I choose my ex- I could leave and he would keep the kids... that devestated me... I could never leave my kids.. they are my whole world. I really felt trapped at that point, even if I wanted to leave, I never could. You see, I really don't know what to do anymore. I feel like it's never going to change, and if I leave - well, I ultimately loose. If anyone has any advice, I really could use some right about now. Please don't think I am talking down on my husband, he means well, and is very loving and good to me. I just don't know what else to do.

July 27, 2005
10:08 pm
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2bstrong
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Dear Angel...

Sorry to hear that you are hurting. Good relationships exsist because of open and honest communication and healthy boundaries. If you are protecting him, chances are that your boundaries are being violated and you are not communicating to each other in a respectful and productive way.

Trust your gut instinct and try to continue to get help. If you are here and reaching out, your instinct is telling you that something is not right and you need help sorting it out.

I want you to know that someone is here to listen. I have to sign off for the evening, but I will be back tomorrow. Please keep posting here and sharing your thoughts. People here are kind AND wise, and they have good insight as to what you are going through.

With love and care, 2b

July 27, 2005
10:39 pm
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pixygirl
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September 24, 2010
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Angel,

I understand your situation. My husband is the big spender. I'm the thrify one. He also is usually quite unmotivated at home, making me also feel as if I had to carry the world on my shoulders. Its not easy being a working mom, wife, and housekeeper. My situation turned out that I just stopped trying to do everything and started spending more time on what I WANTED to do like spending quality time w/my daughter, and some of my hobbies, and asked for time to myself just a little bit (even if just an hour or two a week to do whatever I wanted). All this helped me be a little less stressed out and put me in a better position to deal w/him.

If your husband is willing, I would suggest going to see a marriage counselor. You might be surprised by the insight that an outsider can provide to you both. Also, I would suggest doing some research on effective communication. It sounds like it is difficult for you to let your husband know how he is making you feel. I can totally relate to that. I have the same problem myself. Instead of turning to your ex, I would suggest to help your relationship w/your husband, turn towards your marriage. Give it time. If you need to talk, we're here.

Hugs,
PG

July 29, 2005
9:58 pm
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in the doghouse
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Angel-
You could be my wife. I have been considered the most friendly guy for my entire adult life. However around my wife lately (last 5 years or so) I find myself constantly upset. At work people still think I am the nicest guy but at home I get angry(never ever physical) with my wife and kids. Later I am upset with my self for these feelings but I really don't think they are totally my fault. My wife does, however. I work very hard and so does my wife. I really believe there is a fine line between love and hate. I feel like a giddy school kid sometimes and an irate unloved loser others. We talk but we also go out of our way to prove we will do what we want...basically, screw you I will do what I want. When we finally confront each other and have a discussion, yes sometimes heated, never physical, our relationship for the next few months is great. It's confusing and we actually talk about it but let me tell you, we both really believe we will be together for the rest of our lives. I think the test is when things are good do you really see yourselves together forever. Relax through the difficult times and wait until things are good then talk. It feels great later and reminds you why you got together in the first place.

August 3, 2005
4:00 am
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alyssa
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do you ever feel like you wish there was something really wrong so you had a reason to call it quits. when you feel like there's not a lot left there anymore. but they are a good person and you have no good reason to leave? YOu make sure and go on your gut feeling about this one. I don't want to see any harm come to you. physically or emotionally. how old did you say your kids are? i'll be thinking about you.

August 3, 2005
7:47 am
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shyshy
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How old are your kids and how long have you been married?

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