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Advice to focus on YOU
November 3, 2006
11:03 am
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Inca
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So many of us are used to putting to focus on our partner to the point that we sacrifice our needs and wants that it becomes almost paralyzing. I noticed that I was doing it to myself and to be honest I got SICK of what it was doing. I was miserable. My friends, family and kids were tired of me talking, crying and sulking about things that were totally out of my control. And then I got the best analogy from my friend.

Think of when you fly on an airplane. The flight attendants tell you that God forbid in an emergency, to put the air masks over YOUR face first...before your child, before your husband or wife..before anyone else. Why? Because until you are strong enough to take care of yourself, you are of no use to the other person, your child, your partner, your family.

So, If you have to go out and buy a mask to remind yourself how important YOU are, then do it. YOu are just as important, wonderful, amazing, as the person that maybe you're crying over or wanting to call. You have to take care of YOU FIRST. You can't love anyone one else until you love yourself unconditionally first.

Good luck everyone!

November 3, 2006
11:07 am
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needtoheal
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GREAT ADVICE, INCA

THANKS

November 3, 2006
11:13 am
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Inca
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Anytime. I'm so happy to share anything that could possibly put a smile on someone's face out there.

November 3, 2006
11:20 am
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2alone
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Very good advice.

I'll admit that even while I knew the rationality behind the stewardess' speech I always thought I'd still help my little ones first then me. lol

Guess I have some work to do 🙂

November 3, 2006
11:41 am
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needtoheal
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That's funny 2alone... I am the same way!!!!!

LOL

November 3, 2006
3:27 pm
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Inca
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That is funny and as a mom my gut reaction is to do that too, but again, we have to take care of our needs first, otherwise we cannot be the best parent, partner, sister, brother..etc. that we can be. I just want this to hit home. I can see the difference already in my life since I've taken a "time-out" for myself. I hope more people read this and take it to heart.

November 3, 2006
4:26 pm
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truthBtold
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Inca,

Your post so moved me - that I just now wrote a poem about it:

Self-"ish"

Self-"ish"
need not be
such
"negative"
phrase....

...conjuring up feelings
disdain
(due in part -
-society's
malaise.)

That to "look out"
for "Number One!"...,
might - at first....
seem
estranged.....

...But -
in the end,
respect for oneself -
must-
most-
...assuredly....
remain.

(...if we have even any REMOTE inklings for happiness in this lifetime!!!!)

🙂

truthBtold.

November 3, 2006
7:12 pm
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truthBtold
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Can I get a witness??????????

November 3, 2006
7:28 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey, youre good!, TBT!

Inca, this analogy of the mask and life vest stuff is the one that validated my selfishness, tks, I needed you!

November 4, 2006
12:19 pm
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Anonymous
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Thanks for this advise. It's absolutely true. I know when I'm not doing well, my family suffers. My family always comes first for me. It has taken me years to realize that I need to put me in there too. I still struggle with this. I know it's great advise, but hard for me to follow.

November 4, 2006
12:32 pm
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Oh boy, just throw me a metaphor....I'm still thinking there's a way to hold your breath while you get your kids' masks on first and Then do your own.

November 5, 2006
3:53 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Inca))) This is an AWESOME advice!!! Bless your heart for such thread. Just saw it today.

November 5, 2006
4:20 pm
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Inca
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You guys are going to make me cry! I can't tell you how much it means to me that it's helping in some way. I've been practicing this "mask" theory everyday and it has helped tremendously.
The poem was amazing! TBT
We are usually the ones that are the least bit selfish, so for us to put any focus on us is really odd, sometimes to the point of uncomfortable It's not being selfish, I think it's just loving yourself and that is ok. We just aren't that good at it yet, but we are getting there.
You guys made my day brighter reading your posts back. You've given me more strength!
HERE'S TO FINDING MORE ABOUT OURSELVES!

November 5, 2006
7:08 pm
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thedogsmom
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Inca -- thanks for posting the advice your friend gave you..as different "words" affect people differently..
this advice...is great advice..and really makes me think about something I hadn't considered before..
its that I have been "helping" my husband financially (among everything else) as he got himself into financial trouble... I keep bailing him out and paying his debts..and now am finding that he won't help me when I need help.. I am now in debt like I have never been before.. If I take this "mask-advice" and say..hey.. I need to get out of debt MYSELF before I can help somebody else..then.. it means I am doing the right thing by telling him NO MORE!
Lets focus on US first! they can focus on themselves.. he is a grown man after all.
TDM

November 5, 2006
7:42 pm
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Travlin_lite
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Wow Inca, I'm saving this one! What a great anaology!! I agree the old one is love yourself first before you can love other's...so true and with CoDa always have found to put other's needs and wants before mine. Prime example I took my Son and Ex to a casino one afternoon I gave them $20 each..I won $900 I gave $500 to my Ex and $400 to my Son and didn't even give myself the $60 back...what was I thinking or rather I was not thinking at all about me!! I have a list that is endless..
Thanks again

November 6, 2006
1:47 pm
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Inca
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You guys are quite welcome. For me it was that I was so focused all the time on my X and what he was doing and feeling that I was ignoring the pain and exhaustion that I was putting on myself. This metaphor can be used in so many ways. Whether it's a family member or a partner. I just like how it reminds you to take care of you and not lose yourself.

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