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Advice Please
June 4, 2003
2:37 pm
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Anonymous
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How do I stop worrying about my husband. Whenever he is around a certain individual (who works for him) he usally ends up drinking too much and he isn't very pleasant when he arrives home. When I heard today that he was going golfing with this person I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. I am going out tonight with a group of women that I play tennis with but I don't feel like going now because I am worried about what shape my husband will come home in. He won't be driving since his license is suspended for Drunk driving. I try to not let it get to me but sometimes it really does. It doesn't happen often but I just can't stop worrying. I am a 42 year old female from Ontario Canada. HELP!!!!!!!!

June 4, 2003
2:41 pm
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Hello Spencer, is your husband in any sort of support group like AA? are you guys pretty open with each other? If he know you are there to support him it may make it easier?

June 4, 2003
2:53 pm
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"I try to not let it get to me but sometimes it really does."

Why do you try to suppress your feelings about what's going on? They're perfectly natural. The unnatural thing would be to suppress them. Your stomach is trying to tell you some important self-protective messages. Trying to dismiss them could be dangerous, might leave you defenseless in the light of the problem in your relationship. You can't control what another person does. Worry is our way to try to control things we can't control. If drinking and getting drunk is something your husband is choosing to do, there's nothing you can do about it. What you CAN do is take good care of yourself and the effect of his choices on your emotional life. I think it's important to accept that you're married to someone who has a drinking problem and that your life is - naturally - extremely affected by it. Once you accept what is happening, it is painful and there is disappointment, but you can start coping with things in the way that's best for YOU and protecting your own life so his drinking doesn't become YOUR problem. It is HIS problem if he gets drunk.

His drinking is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

YOUR problem is to decide what you want to do about this marriage and with your life.

June 4, 2003
2:54 pm
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My husband in any kind of support group. He thinks that he can be a social drinker which I too think that he is. It seems that he has been drinking more in the last few years. We have been married for 13 years. I have mentioned this to him on numerous occasions and he says that it is due to stress (he owns his own renovation company). For the most part he is a very good husband - a good provided, hard worker etc. It is just when he drinks too much that I get very worried and concerned. Both of the men that work for him (salesman and project manager) I truly believe are alcohalics. I am just at my wits end about this.

June 4, 2003
3:00 pm
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Anonymous
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Sorry the reason I asked is because you said he had had his license revoked and usually people have to attend some sort of group thing, or at least my father did when I was a child and he got a DWI. Sorry I know what you mean about worrying, till this day my dad still drinks and it is hard.

June 4, 2003
4:30 pm
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Prayer has been my answer to everything lately that and knowing the only person I can change or influence is myself, so just put it in the care of your higher power and trust that things will be ok...easier said than done I know. Jene

June 4, 2003
11:02 pm
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All I can say is "go do the tennis thing with the girls" and the next thing, and the next thing. I'm sorry, it's just how I feel. If he's gonna do this, you sitting home isn't going to change his mind. Protect yourself whenever and however you have to. I'm not diagnosing your husband, but there are many types of alcoholics, and always an excuse for the drinking. Sometimes they sound pretty good and you buy it, sometimes they're not so good, but you buy it anyway because it's easier than facing the reality. I pray for your husband to seek help, I pray for you to take care of yourself. Tape the serenity prayer up, read it everyday. Try Al-anon.

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