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advice on what to do-sexually abused
June 25, 2009
8:03 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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From 3rd grade- 5th grade i was sexually abused. I am no in 10th grade (im 15)

only a few of my friends know. my parents do NOT know.

i have finally come to terms with the only way i can heal is if i get professional help.i cant live like this anymore and i know no its either i get help or end uo killing my self.
but i do not want my mom to find out and sinse im 15 i think my therapist would have to tell her.

i'm afraid of authorities and my family getting involved.

is there anyone who can help me that has been through this?

anyone who has went to court and is it worth it?

im afraid to tell my therapist to.
i need some inspiration or soemthign to help me.
please and thank you

June 25, 2009
8:18 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Tell your therapist tell your mom and dad. You cannot handle this alone. I am 41 and having problems again. Do NOT think you can hndle this alone

Bitsy

June 25, 2009
11:00 pm
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Lanigirl
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Please know that we all are standing by you because many of us have had similar experiences.

If you can't talk to your parents, is there another adult that you trust (family member, priest, etc)? Please know that if you tell someone involved in the school, they are required to immediately call CPS.

I was much older than you when I finally confronted my abuse so I commend you for facing this much earlier. Please repeat to yourself that it isn't your fault. Exposing that ugly secret frees you and doesn't let that molester keep you as a prisoner. This person was able to get you alone and keep you alone with THEIR ugly stuff.

I can't make a promise about how things will turn out. Guaranteed that people will have different reactions to this but stay strong. You are a survivor and your therapist is exactly the person to be in your corner with how to handle this in the best possible way for you.

June 26, 2009
2:02 am
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Anonymous
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Dear Trying to Heal:

You are a courageous young lady! You can heal. You are correct that you need professional help with a person who specializes in working with survivors of abuse.

I am so very sorry that you were abused as a young child. The abuser is completely responsibile for hurting you.

Why don't you want your Mom to know? Are you afraid your family won't support you? Why are you afraid of the authorities?

You do need someone to support you. Perhaps if you cannot tell your therapist, you can write it in a letter and give it to her to read. You can also explain in your letter your fears about your Mom finding out. Your therapist can advise you and help you better if s/he knows about the abuse.

You and your life are very precious! You will feel better after you release the secret and get professional support. You can heal and be happy. Do it for you.

Moon & Stars

June 26, 2009
12:25 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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NOTE:My mom is barely getting through each day. she is so overwhelmed and i don't want to push her over the edge. i care about her to much. and i know that i need to worry about my self right now and not anyone else but im not able to do that.

and i know that if the authorities gets involved then it will break my life into peices... i know that i will not be able to go to a trial and testify. i will end up keilling my self from all the stress and pressure and flash backs.

June 26, 2009
12:53 pm
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innerturmoil
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hi tryingtoheal,
omg.. i am soo sad for you and your situation,,,
i am sorry that this happened to you.. but it is good you came here,,
someone said you are a girl,,, you didnt really say, it doesnt really matter,, it happens to Both sexes,,
i want you to at least tell your therapist,, i understand about your mom,, is she in therapy??

I wish i knew you so i could do something more,,,
was the abuser someone u knew... a family memeber? many times it is someone the child knows, even a member of their family, (uncle, older cousin etc)..

idk how anyone could do that to a innocent child...
i dont know the laws,, regarding therapist, but i think whatever you say should be confidential, even from your parents.. but you are only 15 so i dont know..

im just glad you came to this site..
PLEASE do not kill yourself..
you are too special,, you just need to get some help for your struggle

((hugs))...inner

June 26, 2009
3:14 pm
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Anonymous
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Trying to heal:

You are a compassionate person and I understand your concern for your Mom and her situation right now.(Sorry for assuming you are female. Males are unfortunately abused almost as frequently as females πŸ™

Often, it takes time before a person is ready to talk about abuse and then seek the necessary help. You have to proceed at your own pace because it is very frightening.

In the meantime, you must do whatever is possible to keep yourself safe.

If you are having suicidal ideas, you need immediate help. You can call a crisis hotline or talk to your therapist. You do not need to discuss all the reasons you feel depressed, just get support immediately.

Are you on antidepressants? Talk to your therapist about medication that can help you right now. I assume your Mom knows you are seeing a therapist.

Honey, do what is possible for yourself right now. Do you feel able to seek some support for the stress?

Are your friends supportive? Is there any other adults who could support you or whom you could talk to?

Take care of yourself.

Moon & Stars

June 26, 2009
3:34 pm
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innerturmoil
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hey,
tryingtoheal,
hi here are a couple of numbers i found u can call,...
1-800-784-2433 (which is a confidential helpline for suicide and depression), and 1-800-273-TALK (another helpline..
hope this helps..

June 26, 2009
4:08 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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NOTE: yes i'm a female sorry i forgot to write that

June 27, 2009
2:24 am
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free2choose
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Tryingtoheal...

You are brave and courageous. You are a survivor. You are not at fault for what was done to you.

From my experience, healing from the trauma of abuse can sometimes feel as hard as dealing with the abuse itself. I understand your reluctance to have to face it all over again in the form of talking about it, telling your mom about it, and possibly facing some sort of judicial process with the abuser. but please remember this:

1) Telling your mom may cause her pain, but having her child kill herself would be ten million times worse than anything you could tell her.

2) You are strong, courageous and brave. By coming forward, not only will you be able to truly help yourself, but you just might stop that abuser from abusing some other innocent child.

3) You are the child, your mother is the parent. I understant you love your mother, but it is HER JOB to protect you, it is not your job to protect her. Please do not sacrifice the help you need for the sake of saving your mother pain. You have been already forced to endure more than any child should EVER be subjected to. It is not necessary for you to carry the weight of the world, or your mother's feelings, on your young shoulders. Please take care of YOU first. You HAVE to be your biggest, staunchest, strongest advocate!

4) You are NOT alone. Untill you are ready to move forward in telling people in your life, PLEASE continue to come here and share with us. WE are listening, we empathize, we share your pain, and many of us, including myself, have walked in your shoes (been abused). Keep talking, it really does help.

We are here for you. You are strong, courageous and brave. You are a survivor.

June 27, 2009
11:42 am
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innerturmoil
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tryingtoheal,,
How are you?????

I agree,, free2choose,, good advice,,

tryingtoheal,,
please keep posting,, at least let us know you are allright (as much as you can be allright)

((hugs)))

June 29, 2009
12:59 pm
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unknowna
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Court was a horrible thing and in some ways I do very much regret it. However telling did get someone I could talk with and that has helped some. Talking is hard but it does help. Hugs

June 29, 2009
2:26 pm
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FireFighter
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Talking about this will do two things
1) let you know you are not alone there are people out there to help

2) Ensure this stops and never happens again to you or anyone else.

We all have you in our prayers.

Let us know your ok.

If nothing else we are here to talk too.

There is always someone out here to help.

June 29, 2009
2:58 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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NOTE: I'm doing okay.... i keep going back and forth on what to do..i wish there was a way around my mom knowing. i'm scared to tell my therapist. i would have NOOO trouble at all teliing her if there were no strings attached. its hards because no matter what decsion i make..it will change the rest of my life.

how did you guys know when you were ready to talk?
and thank you for everyone who has answered me

June 30, 2009
3:28 am
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unknowna
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I told my ex who I have known for some years and have loved very much. I knew that he cared some for me and I always have felt safe with him. So I told him in a message on internet but did not know if he or how he would respond. I also have found myself blurting out to whoever is around sometimes but I do not like people to know because I feel to blame and ashamed. Don't let everything around you take a toll on you once you do it will seem impossible to dig out of the hole. Stay strong, hang around friends and family, do thinks that you like even if you don't think they will make you happy. Knowing when to talk it just happens for the most part. You told people on this site that is a great start. πŸ™‚

June 30, 2009
11:35 am
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Hello tryingtoheal,

I feel for you so very much, I was also abused as a child (by family members). I was afraid to tell anyone because I didn't know what would happen.

When I got much older in my twenties I finally told some people in my family and everyone said I was imaging it, I was absolutely beside myself. I let it be for many many years, but now I am well into my thirties and am dealing with it once and for all....it was not ok and I did not imagine it. The person that did this to me past away many years ago and I am still struggling with it to a degree.

You are a very courageous young individual and I am so very sorry that this happened to you, but the sooner you deal with it the better you will be....we are all afraid of the unknown, but just try to be as strong as you can and seek help. You didn't deserve what happened to you .... we are all here for you πŸ™‚

There is a lot of help out there if you can't deal with this on your own.

Maybe start with the numbers that IT wrote, that is a start and it is annonymous, so your mom wouldn't find out and they could most likely help you deal with taking the first step of dealing with this.

Good luck, be strong and keep posting.

((hugs))

June 30, 2009
11:38 am
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PaleBlueSky
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tryingtoheal,

We are glad you are here with us and will offer what we can to keep you strong through this time.....

June 30, 2009
2:17 pm
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Hi Trying2Heal

A thought occurred to me as I was reading your posts about the terrible things that happened to you and your deep concern for the possibility that your therapist might be obligated to tell your parents. Could you possibly ask the therapist what the rules are, and if she must reveal to your parents or anyone else anything that you tell her? If she tells you that everything you say is confidential and cannot be revealed without your permission, that might reassure you that you can trust her. If she tells you that if an action has broken a law and she must report it to authorities, then you will know what you can safely tell.

It sounds like you really want to confide in her, but are unsure whether she can be trusted with this thing that has been kept secret for so long.

I agree wholeheartedly with the others that opening up will lead the way to healing, although I know it will be hard to do. If you bring your concerns about confidentiality into the open, at least you will know where you stand. I commend your courage for facing this issue at such a young age and wish you all the best. You are in my thoughts.

Sam

June 30, 2009
3:15 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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Hey Sam:
i was thinking about asking her but if she says she has to tell my parents if i tell her something that breaks the law then what am i suppose to do?
then she will ask why i asked and what i am keeping from her. so that would kind of put me in a position where i would kind of be forced to tell her.. right? or could i just not tell her and make up some reason?

June 30, 2009
3:39 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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hey everyone! ive been okay. just mentally and emotionaly drained.

i honestly don't have that much of a problem talking about what happened to me. like once someone knows that i was abused they can ask me anything about it and i can answer them. its just when videos start to play in my mind it gets hard.(i remeber things in video form..its kind of like a photographic memory but with videos)

but i have a very awesome close friend who is extremly supportive and talks to em and listens and helps me get through everything. she is one of the main reasons i have even considered telling my therapist.

and i havent cut in three weeks and when ever i want to i just talk to my friend.

and the numbers.. if i called them what would i say? has anyone ever called one or know how they work?

i'll post again soon,
trying to heal

June 30, 2009
8:31 pm
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innerturmoil
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hi Trying,
im glad you have such a good friend!
Idk what the people say when you call the numbers ,, im sure they are professional and very supportive..

(ive never called them myself)

hope you are doing ok this evening..

((hugs))

June 30, 2009
11:25 pm
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tryingtoheal..
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moon & stars:
i'm on meds for my depression. and yes my mom knows that i go to therapy.

i am always having suicidal thoughts but im not going to do anything any time soon.

_________________________________

ughh right now im struggling alot with me not wanting my mom to know and trying to find away around that...

anyone a parent that has advice on if i should tell my mom and why

July 1, 2009
7:57 am
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Anonymous
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Trying to Heal:

I think free2choice answered why you should tell your Mom. She is speaking from a shared experience. Your Mom loves and cares about you and certainly wants you to be happy and safe.

The suggestion to ask your therapist about her responsibilities and rules is a good one. You are not obligated to tell her why you asked. You can always tell her you have an issue you need to discuss but are not yet ready to speak about it.

Does your therapist know you cut? Do you like your therapist? Trust her? Perhaps you would feel more comfortable having your therapist tell your Mom. Or perhaps you can have a joint meeting with your Mom after you speak to your therapist.

I am glad you have a good friend to talk to and share your feelings.

It seems that the weight of the emotional pain is becoming unbearable for you. I urge you to talk to your therapist soon. You will feel relieved when you unburden yourself and then, you can begin the work necessary for healing.

You will feel much better once you start treatment for the abuse. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Thinking of you.

Moon & Stars

July 1, 2009
8:15 am
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Anonymous
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Trying to Heal:

Perhaps this teenager's experience of telling her Mom will give you some ideas for your own situation.

http://community.mentalhelp.ne......php?t=261

I hope that you will get the help you need quickly. There may be a support group for teenage girls in your community. Your therapist may be able to help you find one.

You are an intelligent, resourceful young lady. Get the help you need so your future will be healthy and happy.

Moon & Stars

July 1, 2009
8:50 am
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innerturmoil
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hey,
trying2heal,,
i agree,, i think you should tell your mom,, SHE is the parent ,, not you,,

idk the whole situation,, if your abuser was someone in the family, i understand your reluctance,,

I hope you can tell her,, she will probably help you get thru it,, I would want to know if something happened like that to my child, help him thru it,,
I'd be very sick and Super angry at whoever was responsible,,
You'd have to put them in jail to keep me away from 'em πŸ™‚

hope you are ok today...
(hugs)

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