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Advice needed badly
June 24, 2004
10:49 pm
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Keekee
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September 29, 2010
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I am a 19 year old college sophomore. Things in my life have not gone perfectly, but I am a generally happy and well adjusted person... I have my own interests, I am independent, I have high self esteem. About a year and a half ago, when I was still in high school, I started dating a boy who was incredibly different than me. He was shy, kind of dark, nerdy... he was on the debate team, and didnt talk to anyone in classes. I am a really social person, and pretty much forced him to get to know me in a class we had together. He was just so incredibly intriguing to me. Me and Blane (the boy) dated for about 8 months. I lost my virginity to him, he is the first boy I ever even thought I loved. He began to make a lot of friends and became a much more self assured person.We developed a mutual group of friends full of wonderful people who I wasn't really close to before but I remain close to now. We had an amazing relationship for the most part. When we went to different colleges though, suddenly, he became cold and distant. He broke up with me, and I spent an entire semester crying about it. I tried dating other people, I tried everything. It has gotten much better, but seeing him this summer has been terrible. We were intimate a few times, which was a horrible decision, I know, and he told me he still loved me, and all these things, and then clammed up all over again. He has done this several times since our break up. I want to be over him SO BADLY, all I want is to not have feelings for him, yet I obsess over him. Constantly. I have dated a lot since then, and have no problem with guys, have plenty of friends... I just don't understand it. Why can't I get over someone I did not even date for that long when I want to so bad? How can I do this? I have tried so many things already, but personal advice would be GREAT.

June 24, 2004
11:24 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Keekee,

I know it sounds cold hearted, but don't have anything more to do with him. By continuing to see him when you are back in town you keep setting yourself up for more heartache.

I know it's tough, first loves are like that. But, really time will make it better.

Z.

June 24, 2004
11:30 pm
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CAMER
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I agree with Zinnie, going back to him intimitely a few times makes things worse, it seems like you start to rebuild your feelings, he is your first love, and most like not ready for a total committment, please be good to you, keep dating, and keep busy, be with friends and soon enough your heartache will pass, it does take time though.

June 25, 2004
12:44 am
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Keekee
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There's a little bit more... I have recently started dating ... well... his twin brother. I know, this sounds terrible, but we have been best friends for 1 years, and we have a great relationship and he treats me so well, in a way his brother never did. We haven't been physical at all, and our relationship is in larval stages at best. I really want to continue this relationship because I like it and I think it is healthy for me.. but sometimes I want to call it quits just because Blane and I are so twisted. I did not start dating his brother to get over him, it's just something that happened... and something that I'm not sure if it should be happening... but it feels really right... my life is a bad Saved by the Bell episode.

June 25, 2004
10:25 am
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fairy99
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September 27, 2010
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Thinka about what you said, his twin brother. Are you sure you aren't seeing his twin brother just to have some thread of connection? Make sure you have the best intensions with this new relationship before you proceed with it. It takes time for any of us to get over relationships whether it be your first love or your last. If you are having doubts about this new guy then maybe you should really think about those doubts and are they warranted. Good luck sweetie.

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