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advice for relationship
May 3, 2009
7:43 pm
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ms.smiles
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I am 21 & 1/2 years old. I am a full time student at a popular university and I live about hour & half from my boyfriend and an hour from my parents. My boyfriend is 36 years old, a police officer and works two jobs. One full time and another one part time. He has an ex wife and was married to for several years and had a child with, but when he went to Iraq a person in his family seen her cheat and another male at their house. He would call her sometimes and she would act different on the phone like he knew there was someone there and having sex with her. Sometimes he would call just because a friend or family member knew there was a male over. When he came back and divorce came through since there was a child involved he wanted her to have what she wanted. The ex wife is very greedy! i mean GREEDY!!

He can not stand her and neither can his family. Before any of them met me and seen such a smile on his face they were estatic to meet me and see what type of person i am.

my mom is like a best friend to me. She knew about him and that hes been married before and has a little girl and that bothered her along with being a cop because the cops in our city are nothing but jerks and they cheat and thats just part of the town i should say. She doesnt know his real age because. I dont know when I will really bring it up, maybe if i decide to marry him around that time will be when i tell her.
I have been engaged before and ever since that abusive relationship I havent wanted to bring a male around because i dont want my parents, like my mother judging him or me or our relationship.

But my parents like him and hes sweet. When we are together we love to laugh and cut up.

He loves to be on the go and not having anything to do. We have been together over a year and the first 6 months was hectic. I was still confused if I wanted to be in a relationship since I just got out of one and also one of his friends he works with as a dispatcher is a big time flirt but not attractive. I know her through the grape vine and one of her EX's that cared for her until she cheated is my cousins step brother.

I had a feeling at the beginning our relationship this chick was tryin to come in between me and my boyfriend. I would be jealous and say things to him and I found out that he would say some of it to her. Myabe to get her to know I felt bothered by how she would text him sometimes or just talk to him at work. It became where me and him had ENOUGH of it and he began to realize she was flirty towards him and not just the friend he thought she was always trying to be. Sometimes when me and him would have little arguments she would love to come around and one time she went out with her friends and heard over the radio where he was and made that friend take a pic of them. They were not kissing or touching or anything but the fact that I seen it posted online hurt my feelings so bad. Once it hurt me my boyfriend made it to where she needed to STOP talking to her and ONLY having contact by work and nothin else.

Ever since she got out of the picture, our relationship has went MUCH better.

This guy im dating really means alot to me. He loves me so much and you can tell it. When he has a conversation with ppl he talks about me. Its hard for him not to talk about me. When we go out in my town or his or places around it...there are ppl coming up to us askin if we got married or when was the wedding JUST beacuse people talk and i reckon our true love shows.

He would marry me in a heart beat. I am still in school, got my associates and almost done with my bachelors degree.

We both have some jealousy too us. He says im the best that has ever came his way and he absolutely loves me. I love him too!

I dont like that we both can have a temper and sometimes jealousy! Like me laying out at a pool and him thinking some college guy can come take me away. Its sorta like the same thing with him on traffic stops and women see him, even tho im half naked and he isnt.

I just dont like it when people these days say "you need to go to school, get education, find you a guy at college, marry you a doctor or lawyer and have a wealthy life.." its not all about the money. And ppl that have a job and work for their money should be satisfied. I dont want to be stingy or seem spoiled and selfish by having soo much money and married to someone like that. usually you are the talk of the town and i dont wnat that much attention!

What do you think about our relationship?

May 3, 2009
7:51 pm
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You asked, and this is my take ...

Don't go playing his game. What is your vision of a healthy, loving, supportive, nuturing relationship?

Otherwise it feels to me that you are living someone elses script about life.

You are both somewhat inexperienced regarding not only relationships.

And PS. Having a temper is acting out when we feel like a victim. Don't nuture jealousy in yourself or others, for it can be an acting out game of control and fear..

May 3, 2009
8:05 pm
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How long have you guys been together?

I don't believe that things like age difference and what someone does for a living are an issue. What I do see as an issue is the jealousy/temper thing. I'm not sure how long you've been together, but in my experience jealousy and flying off the handle are things that tend to get worse, not better, as a relationship progresses.

May 3, 2009
8:16 pm
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ms.smiles
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I agree. I do things so others wont get mad. I need to let ppl accept my wishes.

My vision would be: being there for each other. Talking things out, letting each other know whats on mind and expectations. Trust, love and caring when things are not perfect!

We have been together a year a four months. I would say the first 5 months we didnt expect to get serious or even say I love you. It all just happened over time.

The jealousy and temper HAS gotten better.

That is the thing. Ever since my engagement and how the temper was just getting worse and it became abusive relationship emtoionally and physically close to mentally. Ever since then the guys i have dated i would be precautious.

I dont put up with temper long at all.

When me and him are together there is no argument hardly AT ALL!

Ever since being cheated on in relationships its stayed with me and i cant accept someone being honest, loyal and so faithful to me. I feel that is how he is.

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