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ADVICE :) Constant abuse and how to handle it
November 16, 2005
4:27 pm
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daphne_flower
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Hi all,

I came to a thought last night, that a lot of this board is people talking about a range of problems. I thought a great idea would be to put to good use peoples advice in a string. What about if people write one problem they faced, and the best way to deal with it.

November 16, 2005
4:32 pm
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daphne_flower
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I have something that i am trying at the moment, and although i have fallen many times, just knowing that i am trying this is boasting my selfesteem emmensly.

I know its not ideal, but if our partners are going to be children, you need to set boundaries like as though they are children.
Think of a young child. They are about 3 years old. They have been naughty so you send them away. GOod parenting is:

1. give them a warning that if they dont fix some their bad behaviour, they will go to time out in their room.

2. If they continue to be naughty
"i have sent you to time because you did ......... (mention the behaviour). You will stay there for ......... (minutes according to their age) When you are ready to apologise you can come out.

3. After the time is up, go to them and say "u were in time out because u have done....... (mention the thing again) i want an apology.

4. If they insult you or be naughty, tell them "right, you can stay there and think about what you have done, until you are ready to apologise".

Ok....... so our partners aren't children, and this may need modifying.... but can you see the pattern. I suddenly did the other day. If our partners behave as children, we have to teach them that treating us bad is unacceptable. If they do something wrong, and dont want to properly apologise, they dont respect us, they dont care for our feelings, and they will only do the stuff again. It is not worth speaking to them.

Trust me. When i have heard a person justify having a right to be cruel to you, it certainly opens your eyes.

Those people clearly need time to think about what they have done. And dont keep giving in else you will be left with spoilt brats scream for attention at every second....... and i am talking about partners now, not children 🙂

November 16, 2005
7:52 pm
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classof77
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Daphne Flower,
I love it. I would like to hear if it works for you and how the brats (I mean partners) respond to it.
I, personally, have raised my son, I have come to learn (the hard way) horses and dogs should be trained. Men need to act like men and it is not my job to raise them or in any other way compromise my values to "help" them learn what should be natural human consideration. Yep, I'm single. (Just joking).
But I think you have good idea on the advice thread thing. Take care.

November 16, 2005
9:48 pm
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lost and found
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daphne, what u are talkingabout is boundries and enforcing them. this can be used with everybody. 1. u tell them your boundry and the consequences of crossing it. 2. follow through.

instead of i am tired of your drinking every friday night.

new way; you can drink your fridays away if u want to but from now on if i have not heard from u at 5pm i will make my own arrangements for the night. and follow through.

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