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ADOPTED SON - feeling abandoned - BOI
May 23, 2007
5:26 am
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doubleloss
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Boi
23-May-07

i m adopt son..

At first its seem that my foster parents really take care of me and infact they really love me so much..but since their son coming back from overseas..both of them started lost intersted on me..many attemps that i try just to impress them..Pls advise what should i do?

May 23, 2007
5:30 am
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doubleloss
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Hi Boi. How old are you? you've come to the right place to seek support and advise.
You say that your foster parents love you very much, I'm sure that is still the case. They must be happy to have their son back as well, was he away fighting some war? school? I'm sure it has nothing to do with them loving you, just that in this moment the other son needs more attention. Do you get along with him? Is he nice to you? Maybe it's all about sharing, maybe you don't need to impress them, just be yourself and be happy that the son is back and celebrate with them too?
I don't know if this makes any sense to you or the situation. Please forgive me if I'm totally of base. I've never been in your shoes.

May 24, 2007
7:37 am
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alycia
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I agree with double, she seems to say everything i would have wanted too, i can understand you are scared and insecure from what you have been thru, there r lots of people to turn too here so u are never alone.

I adore foster parents and people who adopt, what an unselfish beautiful act, do not have any fear ok, they think of you just as much as they do their son, just relax and enjoy his return, hopefully he can be a new friend for you

May 24, 2007
8:38 am
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chelonia mydas
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Boi,

It must feel so lonely to think that they are ignoring you for their son coming home. It is easy to get caught up in those emotions which makes it harder to see this from different angles.

I agree with Double and Alycia.

But here is another way to look at it... think of something that you really like to eat... for me that would be ice cream. If I ate ice cream every day for over a year, I would get used to it and it would become part of my daily routine. I would still enjoy it and look forward to eating it after dinner- but it wouldn't be the special treat that it was when I only got to eat it a few times a year. I also really like cookies- but lets say I only get cookies 3-4 times a year. On the days when I get cookies, I'm probably going to talk more about cookies and not so much about the ice cream. Its not that I stopped liking ice cream, but that I don't get to eat cookies that often. Everyone already knows I eat ice cream every day, I look forward to my ice cream and enjoy it very much- but I'm not as likly to talk about or make a big deal about it. Where as the few days I get cookies, it is something different- so I might talk about it more.

I hope the ice cream/cookie example helps you get a different idea of the situation. Its not that they love you any less, but that they love their other son too and haven't seen him for a while.

They probably don't realize that you are feeling this way. Could you help them prepare for his arrival? Maybe ask to help them pick out a welcome home gift?

Please keep posting, we are here to help you through this.

Chelonia

May 24, 2007
10:35 pm
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Boi
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Gday All

Thk you so much for the ideas and advise its very meanful to me.Now 1 feel a bit more confident in myself and also am not to worry too much..about feeling abandoned..you all were right..always think postive..tonight is my birthday..and don't wanna to tell them as they are busy accompny my bro shopping at the mall..

May 24, 2007
11:36 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Boi,

Happy Birthday 🙂

I am glad to hear you are doing better.

If you don't tell them things like today is your birthday, then you can't be upset later when they didn't celebrate it.

My foster mom always did something nice for me on my birthday when I was with her. Even now she calls me and lets me know she still cares.

If your birthday is important to you, then tell them so they at least have a chance to celebrate it. Of course if you don't tell them until tomorrow they may want to celebrate a belated birthday for you this weekend or something.

Happy Birthday Boi!!! How old are you today?

Lots of delecious cake and ice cream are waiting for you in the coffeehouse.

May 25, 2007
12:19 am
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fantas
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Boi, Happy Birthday!!! Please let your new family know that it is your birthday. That's the beauty of parents and families, they are capable of loving more than one person at once. You can join them in celebrating your sdoptive brother's return and they can join you in celebrating you birthday. Believe me they will feel really bad if they find out later that they missed your birthday. It's a great opportunity for you to practice self care (asking for what you need) and generosity (loving and being happy for them and their son) as well. I hope that makes sense. Keep coming back. Remember, you are loved. Is this a permanent living situation for you? Just wondering.

May 25, 2007
2:57 am
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Boi
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Thk 🙂
Guess what mom just call me what am want for my birthday prizen and you know what...i just told her and dad..that i want mom and dad to love me.and caring bout me..then mom hang up the phone..soon thay arrive home and straight away mom and dad hug me..from that vry moment i feel sad and i explain to them bout my situation...then dad also explain to me that they never 4get my birthday and they just wanna to suprise me..that all and all tis act was been mastermind by my brother..i guess i was wrong about him..he did tis just wanna to suprise and caring bout his younger brother and that was me...

May 25, 2007
3:05 am
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fantas
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Boi, I am so happy for you it made my eyes tear a little. I applaud your courage for letting your parents know you needed them and see how they responded to you? Thank you for sharing that!! As you get assured and convinced of your families love for you, you will feel less insecure about them and your place in the family. Happy birthday again!!!

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