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Addiction issues/questions/opinions
February 8, 2005
2:27 pm
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sc13
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What do people think of addictions of any sort---do you think it is better to split up with a person with an addiction and let them get clean, or stay with them and support them?

Do you think addicts ever truly recover and get to the point where they don't relapse anymore?

What is the underlying problem/issue with sex addicts and can they recover and live a normal life?

Just wondering what people think.

February 8, 2005
3:39 pm
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CAMER
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i have read in the past that if you are going to recover from addiction(s) its best not to be involved in a relationship, and just focus on yourself getting better.

My therapist told me in the past that I should not get involved with any man with an addiction until he has shown me one year sobriety.

I guess it all depends on the circumstances. I think that as long as the person with the addiction truely works the program, and you, yourself find a help program too...it could work out, but if the addiction keeps causing pain and heartache, i think it would be best to bail out.

Just my opinion.......

February 8, 2005
3:43 pm
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sc13
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Thanks Camer, I appreciate the input.

February 8, 2005
3:47 pm
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Anonymous
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I think that sex addicts, since I have been thought to be one at times, can get help if they really want to. It isn't that I have to have sex, it is that the type of sex I like and how I use it to achieve other means.

I don't know if helping someone with an addiction is really that great of a thing, most people with addictions need enablers, those that help them feel okay with their addiction, when the addiction is over, they dont need those people anymore.

I would not get involved with someone with a known addiction if that addiction is detrimental to your well being happiness and his as well. I mean I am addicted to nicotine but that is a different kind of addiciton.

If it were sex addiction I would run.

February 8, 2005
8:12 pm
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addicts wife
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This is a hard one for me.. Ive told my husband that" I cannot live like this" that "this is not the life Ive chosen for myself" and That "everytime you go 'disappear' It feels like total betrayal, like your'e cheating on me, becasue when we first got together.. i said NO lying, no drugs, and no anal.." and youve gotten 2 out of those 3 and KEEP trying the 3rd!!!! My humore tends to get me through a lot of crisis.... He can be a real pill, but I know that for now, we are working on ourselves individually, and together. I made vows, and As long as my health, safety ,and well being arent being threatened or shaken as if in a snow globe.. we are ok. He is truly my best freind, but I have thought of leaving.

February 8, 2005
8:56 pm
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elizabette
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Coming from the angle that I was in a relationship with a sex/love/relationship addict (plus he had obsessive-compulsive tendencies, had some sort of social anxiety disorder, and lived in complete filth and disarray alone with 2 very old dogs which he refuses to "do anything about"), I can say after being involved with him for almost a year, I finally had to "get out" and "take care of me". I got back into codependent recovery and it saved me as I was getting very depressed, angry, frustrated, down on myself, and now I see it was that relationship which was draining/dragging me down. He wanted me to "go along" with him and I did for several months, but finally I couldn't do it anymore. I bailed, he started going to SLAA but then I found out it "wasn't working" for him as he still "acts out" and I just couldn't live with him or the addiction. He got obsessive with me, I had to completely cut contact and that is working so far after having tried it several times with no success because I would go back (guilt, etc.). NOW I'm stronger with my self-work and that is because I've worked very hard for the past 3 or so months. I finally felt (observed) he was not working a strong program so I am quite sure he won't "change" and I'm fine with that now because I GOT OUT. I talked with two counselors and got the same info: Addicts need to be sober for at least a year, the process is long, and if it drags you down, you need to get out because it's not good for you (or the other person either). Enabling is staying with them if they're not working hard on their issues. People do what they REALLY WANT, it shows. Watch what they DO, not just what they SAY. Addicts can be (and usually are) VERY convincing and will generally lie so easily it seems to come very naturally. I learned this is because it will PROTECT them and allow them to continue to "do what they want" and they WILL DO IT unless they are serious about RECOVERY. I "let go" and am in the process of "moving on". It's not easy, but it's getting easier as I get stronger and feel better. I know there is nothing else I could do to "help" him. It's not about me. It's HIS issue, not mine. I work on ME. I feel much better and happier and am paying attention to MYSELF and not him. This makes life much better! Generally addicts are not in any shape to be in ANY committed or intimate relationship until they get themselves sorted out.
That's my experience. I have a little hope again for my life. Take what you like, want, need, or can use.
Thanks,
elizabette

February 9, 2005
9:10 am
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plastic_bag
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i have an addiction....to just drugs in general...one in particular "e"...and well when i told my boyfriend..he was pissed....then after this 6 month bing trial..i realized i needed to quik and called him and addmitted everything and told him i needed help...he was soo disapointed..so was i that i was lieing to my love and that i was chosig a dirty drug over him..but addictions can be brutal and i rembver that even though i had one i needed my babe very much...yeah its hard to deal with a person who is addicted to somthing ...but they neeed you to suport not put them down..they need ppl like you who care and wanna help.

February 9, 2005
11:03 am
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MsTorn
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I think it depends, if they are ready to get clean, be there for them, support them, they need it. However, if they are in denial, then it is just heartache for you.

People have told me that my husband is an alocoholic. But I don't really think he is, I know if he wanted he could stop drinking today, and never drink again. I have seen him stop and go for years with out a drink. I know this sounds weird, but I think his addiction is people, or the attention he gets from people. I truely believe that if his group of friends all became born again christians, and started going to church and all that, then that is what he would be doing. Whats funny, is when I said that to him he said "I wish they would do that, then I wouldn't be spending all this money on bar tabs"...

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