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Addicted to Love
April 10, 2000
3:06 am
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Jasmine
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why people keep fighting? Why are there always conflicts with each other? why keep stabbing each other? dont' they want peace?

Can't we live in peace?

April 10, 2000
7:31 am
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lost soul
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Yes, that's what I would like to know. especially in the work place. Human are so funny, keep on fighting.

April 10, 2000
8:53 am
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Jasmine
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but, why do family members fight? Are we supposed to love each other? why keep doing things that hurts? ..........

I'm tired of those yelling every night. I tried to wander around on the street; so that I can be home after everyone went to bed..........but my body can't afford having "night life" every night. And friends can't accompany me everynight, sometimes, I just walk around the city alone without knowing where exactly I want to go. Most of the time, I just want to stay home after work and have a quiet evening before sleep;; however, my parents complaint that I am dumb. do I have the right to remain silent? I feel tired, but I fail to sleep at night, I always feel tense. Maybe as Janes said, I should take a short vacation, but what after the vacation?

April 11, 2000
7:57 am
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lost soul
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Yes, I know how you feel.Why don't you just take a short break, at least just for rejuvenating. think about the "problems" later. At least after the "break".

April 13, 2000
10:59 pm
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Jasmine
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I think I'm going back to the therapist or I'll go insane if the situation continues.

April 13, 2000
11:28 pm
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lost soul
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Hi Jasmine, do what you think is best for yourself. In this world, you are the only one who should love & pamper yourself, cause no one is going to do that for you.Well, that is what I feel, it might not be true to those who has other to love & pamper them. Till the day you fine this "wonderful person" do love yourself.

Cheers 🙂

April 14, 2000
12:20 am
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janes
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YES Jasmine...fgo back to the therapist. You need to know and work on ignoring ingnotant people. even the ones you love as your family. Why do families fight? To make work for therapists!!!?

No matter how awful the things peole say to you are...you don't have to believe them..What an interesting wonderful young person they are missing!!!! And that person is you. How jealous they must be to not be you.

sometimes the family dynamics in any family can be so weird...this is especially true in dysfunctional families.

Remember...we don't pick our families.

concentrate on you...getting healthy in yourself..finding healthy ways to be strong and work on getting out on your own.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! Until then when they get verbally abusice...visualize a duck and how the water beads up and runs right off those feathers... Be a duck. Let the abuse roll off. do not allow it inside you any more. and when you are strong enough..tell your family you will not accept it anymore..because...they are wrong.

YOu are smart enough to know it isn't right for them to be doing this...you are smarter than they are.

come on now....get to that therpaist.

April 19, 2000
1:27 am
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Jasmine
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oh, friends,
I was back to the counselor. After talking about the problems I am facing at the moment, she said, there might be some other unresolved feelings/questions in my mind about my relationship with my bf........but that topic came at the end of my counseling session, so i can't discuss with her until next session...........um..........do you think I do have unresolved feelings towards him? I don't know. Maybe yes, I still don't really know what really makess us separate...............

April 25, 2000
8:53 am
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Jasmine
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I attended a funeral yesterday. Funeral on Easter .........how ironic. life's like that? *sigh**********

April 25, 2000
5:05 pm
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soos
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Sorry for your loss, Jasmine.*****

April 26, 2000
7:47 am
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Jasmine
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loss......when we were born, we don't have anything. We earn everything since birth thro' hard work, so maybe that's not loss at all.

April 26, 2000
9:18 am
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Brenda
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Jasmine, you are suffering abuse.
You should get to a shelter to find some space, peace, counselling and support.
It will only get worse.
YOu will become more and more depressed and it is impossible to let verbal abuse roll off your back.
God bless you.

April 27, 2000
2:21 am
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Jasmine
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suffering abuse? am I?

May 8, 2000
4:02 am
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Iris
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Even if you are suffering abuse, I don't think it is useful to go to a shelter. You can't escape from yourself. Do you like yourself when you take care of your family? Does this give you any satisfaction? We don't pick our families but we mostly LOVE them. Is LOVE important to you? I think it is the whole issue. Do you still love your ex bf even though he mistreated you and lost you? I think we can love whatever outside us. Remember that this is YOU not THEM.And you could be very proud of it.

Talk to you later.

May 8, 2000
10:23 am
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heartfelt
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A wonderful chapter in the text Co-dependent No More is worth reading. Page 57......Detachment....the word suggests cut off, but taken to heart detachment is a nother growing gift to learn and cherish.....

May 8, 2000
12:14 pm
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Jasmine
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Iris, I don't know. What is love anyway? ..... i dunno.

Heartfelt, I don't really know if I 'fit' the criteria of co-dep...some of them fits me perfectly, while some doesn't...... I 'm not sure.

May 8, 2000
2:21 pm
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heartfelt
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Hi Jasmine..only you can determine if CD issues are something to address...John Bradshaw's book Homecoming gave a simple yet profound analogy of family....picture a baby's mobile, hanging over the crib. If one of the figurines is out of sorts in some way, it will affect the balance of the rest of the figurines....ie..if dad is raging it affects all, if mom is enabling, it affects all, if sis is abusing substances, it's affecting all, if brother is abusive, it affects all and so on..the cyclical unbalance, harmony and growth. Pain is inevidable..suffering is optional.

May 9, 2000
5:33 am
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Iris
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Love is a feeling and performance.Feelings are transmitted through performance.People around you might have the feeling but transmitted no performance to reflect it ,or transmitted performance that seemed to contradict it.The only one who transmitted performance that seemed to reflect it didn't have the feeling.
You performed a lot, any feelings behind it?
With HIM you probably have both the feelings and the performance.
Does this make any sense to you?

May 9, 2000
9:02 am
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Spirit
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It is a very difficult and yet worthwhile journey releasing the ties that bind and gag us. Old stuff from our childhoods is the hardest to overcome because as we grow and experience new things, as we speak to others and get their input our perseption of past events gets distorted. One of the reasons I do not like many of the therapists out in todays market is because of the tendency to try and remake a person's past experiences to fit into a nice pigeon hole concept.

What has worked best with me over the years and through the "stinky stuff" is to take the best of both parents, accepting that they are only humans with flaws (as I am), and put the "stinky stuff" into the clapper and pull the handle. I'm not avoiding anything, just releasing it from who I am today so my tomorrows are not always clouded over by stench of the past, of which there has been a truck load full.

My present being is made up of what has happened in the past, lessons I have learned about my strengths and weaknesses and about those who have come and gone in my life thus far. It is my choice to choose which parts I want to keep and which ones I want to take to the clapper. That is what freedom of choice is, choosing how we look at past experiences and how we allow them to affect our here and now. Remember, you are now here, not nowhere. Learn, live and grow. Only then do you find the peace that eludes you. To understand the past is not always allowed, but accepting it is.

May you find peace through accepting that which you cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

May 9, 2000
10:24 am
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Iris
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You Jasmine and your sister experienced the same circumstances but you both are different,why? Because both of you were free to choose.This is not to blame, it is to be responsible for what you are.
Now you are discovering that what you chose in the past is not what you really want.So don't be a prisoner of your past experiences .CHOOSE NOW what you really want.Do you know what it is?

May 9, 2000
11:27 am
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Jasmine
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dear all, I need sometime to think about it................

May 9, 2000
10:50 pm
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Spirit
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Jasmine: While you are taking the necessary time to think on things, here;s something to ponder.

Love begins with acceptance of all that we are, strengths, weaknesses, faults, everything. Once we can accept all that makes up who we are, even the parts we don't find attractive, we will have discovered love of self.

Next stage of love is the love of the Higher Spirit. The knowing in our hearts that no matter what, something unseen, based solely on faith, loves us without conditions. Spiritual love takes us to the next level.

The love for others is when we can accept all that another is, and is not, as we love and accept ourselves. Not to be confused with liking another person, but loving them with our hearts, no matter what. Children are best at this because it takes a certain amount of innocence to love unconditionally.

Once you have found love of self, love for the Higher Spirit, and love for others, you will be experiencing true love of the heart. Not the romantic kind; rather, a pure love which comes without conditions. We all owe ourselves this kind of love, yet many do not give themselves the gift of accepting who they are, let alone of the Higher Spirit. If we cannot truly love ourselves, giving ourselves that which we truly need in order to have peace, how can we expect others to?

One of the strongest basic human needs is to be loved. Why not start with loving yourself first. I have only a strong sense of pride for you in your quest for love. Please start with yourslef. This is not to say to become selfish; more to the point, to show others how lovable you are by taking care of you. Others will follow your treatment of yourself. For some reason, many people find it so easy to kick us when we are down, we shouldn't make it so easy for them.

I pray you will find the peace you seek through understanding love, unconditionally.

May 13, 2000
2:23 am
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Jasmine
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I dream of him last night. we're in a room. The room I lived when I was doing my studies in Canada. we're kissing, sitting on the bed. His back was facing the large window. It was sunny. Very beautiful. But all of a sudden, I saw monsters peering from out of the window. They didn't come in but just peering on us. I was frightened and thus stopped kissing and stared at the window. He was puzzled and turn his head to look. But he can't see what I saw! The monsters continue to look at us. Then he looked at me strangely. I was suddenly scared by the way he look at me. Then I woke up....I feel so scared by the way he look at me......I don't know why.
spirit, iris, heartfelt...and every others....does that mean I was thinking too much these several days?

May 13, 2000
6:43 am
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Spirit
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When I was a little girl, I had a reoccurring dream about a witch in my bedroom window. Some nights it was so frightening that I had to run to my brothers' room and sleep on the floor. Other nights the dream didn't happen and I slept peacefully.

When my parents split up and we moved to my grandfather's, the dream stopped altogether. We moved away from my grandfather's protection, and it reared up again until another change in the household occurred. It came back when I was in highschool, dating a guy who was very demanding in a way I was not willing to give into. Once I broke away from him, the dream stopped. It came back again during my first, and second marriages. The trigger for this reoccurring dream was abuse.

Our dreams are great informants to us when we refuse to see beyond the glitz of another person. I don't heed every dream I have, but I do heed the ones that make me wake up with all the classic symptoms of fear.

What do you think your dream was trying to tell you? Was it about yourself, or about boyfriend? Please let us know. Only you can understand what the message is for you. I only understood my dream/nightmare only after I really looked at my thoughts and what was happening in my life each time this dream occurred. I hope you do not have to experience the dream more than once to gleem the true meaning of it for you. May there be peace for you upon understanding the message sent.

May 14, 2000
1:51 am
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Iris
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We dream every night.Dreams are healthy and necessary to well-being.Dreams are thoughts (similar to daydreams)which have no rules.It is not strange for dreams to have themes reflecting our concerns.But dreams are not reality.
Jasmine, whatever you want to do,you don't have to spend most of your time thinking about it. Give yourself enough time for everything you do,including thinking. If necessary,make a schedule.

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