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Addicted to gay porn!
April 14, 2007
12:06 am
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bastin26
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I am a woman in a fulfillign relationship with a man. Why do you think I could be so addicted to gay porn, so much so that I look at them often and mastrubate to it?? Please weigh in and let me know your thoughts. Thanks

April 14, 2007
12:28 am
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Bastin,

Actually, that is not as unusual as you might think! I like it too. Are you talking about watching gay men? I like that a lot and a lot of my friends (we are female) have admitted the same. Men like to watch women together so much so that it is a cliche. Why should it be considered strange for women to be aroused by men together? It is a beautiful thing when well done. If we appreciate the male body and do not want especially to look at women (women are over exposed as it is) gay porn sort of focuses on what we like: men, men and more men!

As a woman, porn has always bothered me a bit so the fact that I started to enjoy this bothered me a bit. It's really complicated, has social and cultural explainations not to mention personal. It hurts when your lover feels they need something else to satisfy them. That's why it has bothered me in the past. But maybe I would understand if I felt or knew that the porn was doing something for my boyfriends that I couldn't. In a way, I guess it was. Some of them never had sex without drinking before they were with me. Maybe masturbating to porn is just a quick fix where they don't need to feel self conscious. It's hard not to take personally, though. But I don't think the fact that you have a committed relationship will stop you from being attracted to others or feeling aroused by other things. It is up to you if you want to refrain from indulging in this because of your relationship. Maybe your man might understand? Will you allow him to indulge in his own erotic interests outside of you? (Excluding infidelity I mean.)

-ella

April 14, 2007
4:18 pm
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bastin26
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Thanks Ella. Yes I am talking about watching gay men. Thank heavens I am not in this alone.

I don't really feel that I am doing something bad, it's just the thought of someone who matters to me finding out. To be honest, I won't mind of my boyfriend indulge in watching porn,I'm not the jealous type about stuff like that. It just means when he gets all worked over it our romp sessions will be hotter.

Again, thanks for making me feel a bit better about myself. We all have our own proclivities right...

April 14, 2007
4:20 pm
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thedogsmom
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have you ever went to a gay bar? It seems that's where all the handsome nicely dressed men with gorgeous bodies are. I think it's normal to be turned on by naked mens bodies and sex. As long as it doesn't hurt anybody - I wouldn't worry about it.
TDM

April 17, 2007
7:58 pm
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bastin26
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TDM, I've never been to a gay bar. None where I'm from as I'm sure I would have visited.

You know, I have become a better lover by watching these videos. I picked up a few tricks that leaves my man very satisfied. I start feeling better about my addiction afterall. Like yoy said, it dosen't hurt anyone. Thanks for the support.

April 17, 2007
11:12 pm
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bastin26-

Do be careful if you decide to share this secret with your guy... some understand their own interests in porn, but may not understand yours... especially if it is gay porn. They may feel threatened, confused, etc..
Same goes for anyone, I'm sure I don't need to tell you. My friend's roommate who is a gay man, and watches porn himself, was uneasy about the fact that she watches it too. Kind of a double standard, but I think he felt she was fetishizing homosexuality- which was not the case. It's hard to explain to another person what the attraction is to you. Certainly we don't disrespect men who love men, or see them as "objects." Speaking for myself and others I know, we see the guys in the films as people being sensual together. Period. Just happens they are people we prefer to look at. I think women are more in touch with their desires and motives in that sense. But I won't make it sound lofty, it's chemistry.

I went through a period after I broke up with my ex when I looked at porn and felt intense shame. I was lonely and used to having a lot of sex. Also, I guess I was in need of a distraction. It sucked. It made me feel bad about myself because I was using it to excess. However, this is not to say that I don't ever look at the occasional picture gallery or so on... but I have an addictive personality and escapist tendencies that can absorb too much of me. I was losing sleep! So I had to tone it down a bit.

My friends tried to make me feel better, get me to lighten up about it, one went dvd shopping with me for fun. Still, I got really paranoid because I had to get a new hard drive for my old computer. Then the new one didn't work right. Then I got a new computer and within a week the thing died completely. I brought it back petrified that they would tell me (in front of my family who accompanied me to the store) that I got a virus from porn sites. Meanwhile, it could have been coincidence- I have no idea- but there was just this overwhelming sense of shame. I really wonder if guys feel that kind of guilt. Somehow, I doubt it.

-ella

April 18, 2007
1:41 am
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hopeful for change
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For me personally I could never get into porn. I mean I would feel worse about myself, like I didn't look like these girls etc and this must be what my sig other wanted.

For me watching the guy ones poses no threat to my self esteem. I accidentaly came up on one..long story and it did turn me on...but they were manly men not like flaming gay ya know.

Anyway...just thought I'd tell u your not alone. Boy this isn't something I've ever talked about lol.

April 18, 2007
1:45 pm
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bastin26
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Hopeful- Trust me!! This is not a topic I'll be discussing with my best girlfriend, she's just a little too judgemental, that's why I brought it to you guys, thanks for the support.

Mzrella- That was insightful, I'll consider yout thoughts. Yes. I think that's my problem. You see my b/f and I don't live together. It's sort of a long distance relationship,. we see each other every other month and I must admit I get bored and use it for pleasure instead of going to find anothe rman and complicating things.

Now I have a new fear, will I be able to kick the habit once we move into together and are sharing the same space. I remeber when he was here last time, he went to the supermarket to get a few things and I stole soem time to indulge before he came back, it was just about 5 minutes of watching, but I got my fix, see my dilemma?

April 18, 2007
6:14 pm
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truthBtold
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bastin26,

I went through a phase where I bought all kinds of sex toys and bought gay porn or both persuasions....."No Man's Land" with all women and other tapes of just gay guys.

Maybe it was the "taboo" of it all that I found exciting - as just "regular" porn between a man and woman was kind of boring to me.

I don't think that it is a big deal at all - really.

I have 2 close girlfriends. One, I don't think would understand, so I don't share that with her - but the other girlfriend of mine is not judgemental at all. I've told her about the tapes that I bought and we bith kind of giggled about it and that was that.

Exploring is just natural.

Though that phase that I went through has lifted, I still like to watch it from time to time. My boyfriend/fiancee knows about it - no biggie really.....beats the hell out of watching videos about violence and muder and stuff, to my mind.

I think that it all has to do with just a natural curiosity....certainly nothing to be ashamed about!!!!!!!

April 24, 2007
7:17 am
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thedogsmom
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bastin,
I never understood why porn is such a taboo. I do understand why child porn is WRONG-- and I understand that the porn industry-- like most MONEY makers operates for MONEY and many times the STARs and PEOPLE get used and abused. That's the downside of porn. That many of the woman are young and naive and exploited.
Like prostitution.

However- my philosophy is IF it is a willing adult and person of sound mind that wishes to be a PORN star or prostitute for that matter-- and IF they are not taken advantage of- then it is THIER life -- THIER choice.

For those of us who watch porn or buy the porn magazines--I'm hoping we aren't encouraging the use and abuse side-- but are buying materials for our pleasure and that no-one is hurt by it.

In your case, you however express a fear in telling your boyfriend about the pleasure it gives you and you are already hiding it from him. I -having lived with a liar for years--think that hiding things could pose a problem if you are discovered. IF porn is something that you can easily give up and you feel that he would not understand it then that is what you should do.
If on the other hand, you find nothing wrong with it-- and like you said-- use it to masturbate and it helps you to stay home and be faithful instead of going out and seeking attention from others-- I don't see that as a BAD thing.

I think MEN have a much harder time with the whole concept of GAYNESS. I'm not sure why? I also believe men have double standards that even they do NOT understand when it comes to woman who truly enjoy sex and variety and porn. I don't know how comfortable you are with your man- or if you know how he feels about this. I would recommend that you just come out and be honest with him about it- if you feel he may understand and IF you want to continue enjoying it. IF he cannot understand and it bothers him for whatever reason-- then you would simply have to decide whether you can give it up for him and the relationship if he cannot accept it.
that's only my two cents for what it's worth. Good luck to you. I too find that viewing gay porn can give you great insight to pleasing your man!
TDM

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