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addicted to a complete loser
September 10, 2005
3:07 am
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rmckayx2
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September 27, 2010
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Harsh title- but I am once again trying to remember every reason why I detached myself from my ex in the first place. She was deceitful. She cheated on me, lied, and then made a mockery of my friendship by acting very innapropriate in front of friends and family.
The thing I ponder tonight- is why do I tend to romanticize the times we had together? As though all the bad things never existed? I write a thousand letters in my head telling her I miss her. That I think of her often. But why? I beat myself up because I know by cutting her off I did the right thing. I am frustrated that I keep thinking of someone who embodied disrespectful and shady behavior in an intimate relationship. When I finally cut this woman off I told her that I am not doing her any favors by rewarding her B.S. with my loyalty. I was right. So why do I still think about this girl every day? Has anyone ever dated someone that brought out old intimate behaviors that you thought you graduated from shortly after High School? That's what this feels like.. Arrg.

September 10, 2005
9:41 am
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lilmissfixit
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September 29, 2010
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rmckay...I am going through the exact same thing as we speak. Though I broke up with him a couple of nights ago, all I want is to see and talk to him again because the love is still there. My feelings for him haven't changed....but what has are my feelings for myself. I have to respect myself more than to stay with someone who finds it so easy to lie to me time and time again. If I could take 1/2 of the love I gave to him and give it to myself instead, I'd be a whole lot better off.

So this weekend I am battling my thoughts, too. Trying to keep myself occupied. I moved here right before I met him and did nothing to build a life for myself. Everything has been about him...about "us". Today's the day it needs to start being about me.

You've got my support...I'm right there with you.

September 10, 2005
9:55 am
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SUSIE BABY
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your not alone. i wish i could tell you what you want to hear,but i can't.i'm still trying to figure out the same thing.i will say this,you hit the nail on the head when you said "old intimate behavior's". i didn't think this existed any more,until HE came in my life. wow,what a feeling,what a high. i fell so hard for him.what happened? i'm "NOT" the kid of woman to act "innapropriate" in front of friend's and family! i have RESPECT for myself!! if i had known from the beginning he wanted a girl who would lift her top and show her boob's in a crowd of THOUSAND'S she did not know,let alone his BROTHER AND ROOM MATE,he never would have gotten the air out of my lung's to say "NO THANK YOU,I'M NOT DATING AT THIS TIME!!" BUT NO, he waited until he thought he had me HOOK,LINE,AND SINKER! sooo in love with this man, BUT NOT THAT IN LOVE!! i guess all this has paid off here,because I LOVE "ME" MORE!!!! KEEP POSTING,READING HERE. so many of us,if we stick together,these people don't stand a chance with us.i hate to admitt it,there were sign's,i "chose" not to see them. we must see what's in front of us,and HEAR what they are saying,not what we want to hear, KEEP THE FAITH,SUSAN

September 10, 2005
10:03 am
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hollow
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September 24, 2010
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Dude,(love that over used word)I've been going through the same thing. If I'm right her inappropriate behavior was at the end, It said to you: "look, I'm serious, it's over." You and I being guys scratch our heads: "Why not say that, move out and never come back?" Chances are she did say that once but when you're in love that's not enough so she went overboard. My wife of 12 years did the same thing. You would think she would've said bye, indirectly to every one, instead she obviously dug up any thing she held against every one and used that to sneer at them. We all loved her. We deserved better than that. She did all the nightmare things I'd occassionally dally with in my bitter imagination--stains on the bed, everything. She had changed and was blaming me for evrything that was wrong with her life. It was the only way she could justify her bad behavior. On this site you'll occassionally see people doing the same thing, looking for support so they can be as bad as they want to be. People are human I don't condemn them anymore than I do her now. She just lacked the behavior repetoire to pull it off--leaving me--any other way. If we love we always romanticize, after all we are not joined by heart and brain--that is only metaphore ladies--so the good times were your good times. Remember that was the good feelings you got from love. Get some again of any form out there right now.

September 11, 2005
1:55 am
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rmckayx2
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Once a person lowers expectations in a relationship- it's always hard. Soon- you forget how much a compromise you've made and then your esteem suffers because your needs aren't getting met. Asking myself why I lowered my standards for so long which makes the process difficult. Once you're out of a bad relationship for awhile- all the bad behavior is plain to see. The embarassment. Shame and resentment.

September 11, 2005
12:29 pm
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kc30
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IMHO--An addiction is an addiction, no matter what form it takes. If you are addicted to a person, you will suffer withdrawal the same as anyone else with an addiction.

For example- I just quit smoking...I know it's the right thing for me, for my health, and I want to be healthy, but do I think about having a cigarette ALL THE TIME? Hell yeah! I want one as I'm writing this, but I've told myself that for the next hour, I will not smoke, and I will reevaluate after that.

It's a choice I'm making. I'm not happy about this choice, but the longterm benefits will be worth it. I wish smoking was healthy because I really do enjoy it. But (sigh) it's a disgusting habit and I won't be able to run if I continue to smoke, so alas, I must let it go.

I know from experience that the cravings will lessen over time. Mine is a psychological addiction over physical, as I don't usually smoke more than 3 or 4 a day, so I need to retrain my patterns of thought and reshape my life so that smoking just doesn't fit in anymore- no more coffee...no more beer as these are the things I used to smoke with.

I also know that if I slip...if I have just one, at any time, I will likely slip right back into smoking again.

So, back to the topic at hand- romanticizing and obsessing over a relationship that wasn't healthy (I'm an expert at this! Been doing it for years! haha)

I think it's normal to obsess over your ex, and if you're anything like me, it will take a long time before it eases up. I had to be committed to being healthy, and ride the "cravings" out.

Romanticizing things is probably the brain's way of justifying the possibility of getting involved again...like a smoke and mirrors game....telling yourself it wasn't that bad really. I have found even that has eased up for me.

The worst answer anyone can hear in the early days of a breakup, but the truest I swear, is that it gets better in time. But it's an SOB in the early days, and it hurts like hell, and the best thing anyone can do is to get that toxic ex out of their lives by whatever means necessary so that you can get down to the business of rediscovering YOU...I personally believe NO contact is the only way to break the addictive drama cycle of make up/breakup/makeup/breakup.

hang tough

kc

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