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ACCUSED OF SOMETHING YOU DIDNT DO. HELP ME!
November 1, 2002
5:58 am
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Jess for TLC
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Today i was acuused of doing something that i didnt do, i'm really upset. i cant haddle my life any more. well its to do with me and Ben, we have being having problems and do me i thing we arnt goign out. well i was upset beucase i got told that be and me are over and that i didnt love him so i was upset well what happend after that beucase i was sad and drepressed. On Wednesday when he told me thati was talking to scott. and natasha wanted me or shannon to kiss scott i said i love you too much and i didnt want to and we talked and that is all what happend.

all that happend is after what you did yesterday i was angree and upset, so i sat with scott and we talked and then natasha was talking to me and i was upset beucase i wanted you and you broke up with me and that is why i leant on scott and the after i did that i sat up and for some reason i un did all my bottons. and then i did them up. then we talked more and that is it.

Today we were at Natasha some one rang and Justin and me pretended to do stuff and lay on top of each other and move up and down and make noise and that is it, then Justin tried to kiss me and i said NO i love ben and i only like you as a friend that is it. he undid my bottons and yeah he tryied to do way more i pushed his away. that is all what happend. well i odnt know what do do. does any one can suggest something this is the last thing i need. why wont he belive me. please i need help. love Jess xoxoxo

November 2, 2002
6:47 am
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Jess for TLC
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please need help

November 2, 2002
11:29 am
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mossrose
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How old are you Jess?
You really need to talk toa school counsellor if possible. This place is also dealing with rather mature subjects for someone who is obviously of a young age. I say this out of kindess, dont be offended

November 2, 2002
2:49 pm
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Anonymous
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To hard to read your posts. Take more time writing complete sentences and make use of those paragraphs.

I briefed over some of what you wrote. Here's my advice- worry about your schoolwork and get involved into activies you can use to help you down the road.

Your at that age you need to start thinking of the future, and none of this silly childish rants over "why soso is mad at you and you don't know why."

I think your a good girl, just you need to redefine who you are, where you want to be in life in the future, and what are you doing now to get you to that point.

November 2, 2002
10:24 pm
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Jadedragon
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Jess for TLC, please see previous posts, Ex Joe has a VERY good idea. As for doing the old pump and grind, and your buttons come open, and and, and.....? Hey if I Were BEN I would give you a kick to the curb too. LOOK AT YOURSELF!~!! Grow up a little in your behavior and THINK about how is affects someone else. SOrry if it hurts.

November 3, 2002
2:15 am
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Jess for TLC
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Sorry for my Writing at the time I was really upset and I was crying, and I just wanted to tell you but I wanted to write faster than what I can do.

I’m was confused at the time, well I’m 14 years old and I have other problems that I’m trying to sort out, I have depression and I see the Guidance officer every week on Friday and she helps me a lot. 2 weeks ago The GO and I decided it was time to tell my mum what is going on because I have been seeing the GO for 7 months and my mum had no idea hat was going on. The GO said that I needed to see someone out side of school like to see the local hospital its called Bayside Mental Health Services. I went once and I had to tell them everything what is going on, it was really scary at first and that was lot I pressure on me. I haven’t been since and I tried calling them on Saturday but they don’t work on Weekends so I will ring them on Monday for anther appointment.

With all that happening I have struggled at school and I don’t focus at all I try and destant myself by making myself get atention in so way and its become something that I cant control. I get home don’t focus I leave my work and I get far behind on my work I have failed 3 subjects and my percents have been helping me fix them up, it’s a struggle to sit down and do my work. I have friend problems and I have A boyfriend that I fell in love with, and it started as being good friends and then it moved into a relationship. We started changing and it became a struggle to be with one anther, he has problems as well. He said things about me that hurt me and I hurt him by doing stuff as well. People came up to me and said are you still going out because you don’t act like you are. Which we didn’t, and that really was something I didn’t like. At school nothing happened between us, it was like we said hi or hang around with each other sometimes, we don’t like close to each other to walk to each other’s house. I call him sometimes and we talk on the net. It something happened between us it happened on the holidays or a weekend with the whole group together. Since nothing was happening my friend said that I should not go out with him because he treats me badly. And that really hurt me. We got so distant from each other.

On Tuesday one of my friends said to my B/F I don’t like him anymore. So he said that we are over that really hurt me because I didn’t say I didn’t like him anymore. I asked her why she said that and she said that someone told her I did. I was really angry with that. I got on the bus to go home and I was upset so I sat with one of my friends Scott and I talked to him and he hugged me and comforted me at that time I needed someone there.
On Friday I went over my Ex’s house who I have a history, the week after I don’t my B/F I loved him my Ex came over and he touched me and gave me 3 hikes on my boobs and I was so guilty I told m B/F what happened and he was so upset and in the end forgive me for what I did, and he said don’t do what again. So I went over my friends house and my Ex came around out we were watching TV and then I was lying down he jumped on top of me and he UN bottoned my top and tried to kiss me and I said “No I love Ben who is my BF, and I don’t love you and stop.” At this time my friend was pretending to call my B/F and tell him what was happening I fully freaked and ran to the phone finding out what it was one of my other friend not my B/F. And this whole thing was a joke. I got home and I said to myself I didn’t do anything it was my Ex who did it. And I had nothing too worry about. The phone rang and it was my B/F saying how dare I do that and I was so horrified I didn’t know what o do, I told him that nothing happened and I wanted to me with you not him. And yeah he was so upset and I thought he wouldn’t forgive me after this was the 2nd time this has happened but this time nothing went on like the last time and I said no I wanted my B/F him. I was crying and I was upset I dint know what do. I wrote an email telling that I’m sorry about it and everything and find in you year to forgive me. And if you do we need a break so I can sort myself out, before I commit myself into a relationship.

Today I got an email from my B/F saying that he has forgiven me after hat happened and he said he treated my like shit and I did things that made him angry. And he said the we need a long break so I can sort out everything and if I do anything within that time we are having a break like do anything with my Ex or with anyone there will be nothing to come back too which is understandable. And I agree with. I said last time that I would never do it again and I was so close I loosing him. I don’t want to go through something like that gain. I have had sleepless nights. I have to sort myself out. I really love him a lot.

I really want us to work out but I have to sort myself out. I have to loves myself because I love someone else. I really like helping people with their problems but I think this time I have to do something for myself for once. I have to take my own advice.

The thing that really touched me is he said that I’m special and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. That really makes me cry. I was in the car reading it and I was crying. I feel so special to have him but I almost lost him over something so stupid. I will NEVER do that again. And to let you know my B/F is on this site. His name is Benny_Boy. Thank you for being here.
Loving Jess xoxoxoxo

November 3, 2002
5:14 am
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gingerleigh
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Jess, where are your parents? You are 14 and you have gotten yourself involved in some very mature stuff (sex and dating). Sorry if I sound "old fashioned", but you are just a bud of a flower, ready to open to the world, and if you force yourself open to soon, you can really get hurt and suffer consequences for the rest of your *life* from it.

You can learn a little bit by reading about the problems some of your older friends on this site are dealing with. You hear the wise counselors tell the beautiful and troubled women (and men!) to take time out to care for themselves, heal themselves from depression and anger and hurt before looking to get involved in another relationship. That applies to you too! *smile*

You are creating some major drama in your life now, and you're only 14, just laying the foundation for the woman you will become. It's a downward spiral, and will only get worse and become a deeper hole to climb out of each year if you don't stop the spinning now. Just because your body might be ready for this sex stuff doesn't mean that your mind and heart is. And that's OK, it really is, that's MORE than OK not to be ready for a relationship at 14 years old. What isn't OK is getting sucked into it without understanding that you have a choice NOT to get sucked into it.

November 4, 2002
1:13 am
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Anonymous
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I'm going to make this easy for you. If you claim to love this Ben guy, then don't hang out with boys that unbutton your clothes. In fact if you love and wish to respect yourself, you shouldn't hang out with little boys that are going to exploit you.

If you want plenty of drama and stories to tell with your little girlfriends, it sounds like your accomplishing just that. If those buttons stay open one day while your playing around thinking your doing something "grown-up", your going to find yourself in a whole new wave of "REAL DRAMA" that your not going to want. I'm talking babies with a teenage father!

Life is tough enough already-so why do you want to make it tougher? If you want the challenges, fine, just be prepared for the consquences. Just know people get sympathy for incidents beyond their control, but not for dummies that dive into it.

Your going to find that what you make of your life is based upon good hard decision making. You set yourself up for a higher probablity to succeed by making good hard choices, and a high probablity for failure by making silly ones.Its your choice!

November 4, 2002
3:39 am
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Jadedragon
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Well Said!!! Listen Jess for TLC!!!

November 4, 2002
10:30 am
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Cici
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Ex joe is right on, Jess. He really is.

A teenager's life is no picnic. You are facing a lot of challenging scenarios that are not totally under your control anymore. You are pulling away from your parents - and rightly so - in order to establish your own independent identity. This is the time when you have big choices laid out ahead of you - a scarey, insecure time.

But this is when you lay the foundation for how you will approach you life as an adult. And it's easy to get caught up in the moment and try to forget - because this is a lot of pressure.

But you can get through. You just have to realize how strong you are. I used to be so worried about my friends and what everyone else thought of me - as you get older though, you realize that people judge you no matter what you do - so it's only anxiety-inducing to react to them. You'll get a feel for yourself as you grow up. Just be careful and try to make decisions that will help you in the long run rather than being imnpulsive and just choosing to make yourself feel good in the short term.

I didn't date boys until I was 19! Not only beacuse my parents restricted me - I really felt like I was not ready to do this.

I was talking to my roommate about this over the weekend. My roommate started dating boys when she was 14 or 15 - and she said she regrets it now.

Here's the deal - when you're in a relationship, it can stall out your own personal growth. As a teenager, your current responsibility is learning how to be an independent adult - a relationship makes this harder because you want to be who and what your boyfriend likes. It's hard to describe, but I hope you get the general idea.

I'm not telling you to not have boyfriends, but just consider this. If you really care about someone in a deep way - that shouldn't go away just because you're not dating. It should get stronger and deeper. Sex - well that is a really sticky issue. Sex can definately wait. There are a lot less complicated ways of exploring your body.

I hope you don't get angry at the responses hear, that you really think about what all these people took out of their day to sit down and respond to you.

If only I had known how much as in store for me when I got older when I was your age - I would have been blown away.

November 4, 2002
5:21 pm
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Jess for TLC
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Everything what happened my whole class knows. And my friend who has being involved with the same person Justin. She is really upset and she is trying to make it her problem when it had nothing to do with it. She is saying things to Ben from Ben with aren’t true like he deserves better than you. I know I did the wrong thing and it won’t happen again. My B/F (Ben) said we need to have a break so I can sort out things and we needed a break anyway. I know I should be in joying my teenage years, and that is what I planning on doing. I talked to my counsellor last night and she said that I should have little contact with Justin as possible.

Ben and I have something in common that we connect and we have no idea what it is. We is really special to me. I think I want to gave a real relationship is because I’m afraid I’m going to loose him. Once again he has forgiven be for what has happened but I think this is my last chance, I think the only reason he did forgive me is because I said “I love Ben not you.” Yesterday I found out why Justin did what he did. Ben (B/F) asked Justin to do that as a joke to see if he could trust me after what happened last time. A week after Ben decided to call it off about he said he trusted me. Justin then took it in his own hands and try and get over his ex Chloe by doing that to me. So in the end I was used. I can’t stand up to that, I have being walked on. I don’t have the strength anymore I defend myself. I have to learn how too though.

My counsellor is ringing me Thursday and hopefully we can have another appointment. Yesterday I couldn’t stand being in the same class room with everyone talking about me Tara was talking loud enough so I can here and then she was thronging things at me and saying things that wasn’t true. I walked out of the class room and went to the toilets and then she came and gave me a lecture about it all. I told her I’m suffering it as well Tara. One of my friends came and got the school guidance officer and we sat and talked about things. Today I’m having a day off because I can’t handle school please this.

November 6, 2002
2:08 am
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Anonymous
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Reread Cici's post. Your going to run into mean judegemental people for the rest of your life, so just get use to ignoring them. Your dealing with other young people such as yourself who are insecure with who they are, and find pleasure in making other peoples life hell (if you allow them). The best way to get back at them is to just smile and be happy. Thats where you come in by finding things in your life that you can work at to improve yourself. If you are secure with yourself, noone can harm you with words.

And everyone gets picked on in school. Hell I was the poorest kid in class attending a school made up of mostly preppy kids. So I caught hell until I hit my growth spurt. Anyways I didnt loose my cool. If someone talked about me I would laugh along with them. If they don't get you mad or upset, then you win. Anyone that polked fun at my clothes lost interest afterwhile. I was bold becuase I would sit down right beside these "enemies" and just start small talk. It would blow their minds. There is not one "bully" that did not eventually end up being my friend!

But to summrize everything, your going to regret all this time your wasting on young boys and school room drama when your older. Your going to find the most important thing in your life right now is your self development. That means getting good grades, studying your butt off, and I'll thrown in my own 2 cents and add physical fitness. There is nothing in this world that will improve your self esteem than getting involved in some jogging combined with some other activities (soccer, softball, volleyball, ect) It just might get you a scholarship somewhere!

Everyone here has given you excellent advice. Your going to have to learn to look at the big picture. I'm totally into the humanistic view, and if you fail to take good avice, then you deserve the consquences. Good luck to you

November 7, 2002
5:41 am
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Jess for TLC
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thank you blondie and EXJO. i understand where you are both are comming from. i'm not getting sexually active until i know i can contol myself. i'm unstable at the momment my moods change rapadly. i'm going to sort myself and theni will work out about relationships with guys. What your tring to tell me is injo your teens insed of doing things with buys i have time for that later. i should be focucing on my education. and that is what i want to. i want to be a lawyer and i stil do, or a counselor. i really need to soryt mysef out first. The thing is i cant be put of off gard. and if i do i have to be strong and do what is right at the time. Justin the guy i did stuff with i dont like him anymore. that was over a long time ago. but sice me and ben are having a brake thats the problem i was really strong feels for him and i have to hold back which is really hard. i found out last night and one of my friends who i have known me since year 3 likes ben and she knows about me and ben. and said he is nice and sweet and stuff like that which i think. at the time i was angree beucase she liked him and she said that she really doent like him anymore only as a friend. i odnt know if that is beucase of me i dont know. she said i will get over him for you and you can have him. well i dont know. at the time i was jelous and now as soon as i went to ben ans i thought about it. its not so bad. if ben really loves me i shouldn'd have nothing to worry about, should i? well i get to see the school counselor tomorrow for an hour which is good i need to talk to her. love you all bye. Jess xoxoxoxo

November 7, 2002
6:25 am
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UK Polly
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You know, Jess, my daughters (15 and 10) watch Maury. They have been HORRIFIED to see young teenage mums who don't know who the father of their baby is and want all the DNA tests. Sometimes you find Maury is testing four or five guys and none of them are the father. DON'T GO THERE!

What you have is very special and you can only give it away once. If you give it away now you can NEVER get it back. Think about how you could feel when you meet that REALLY special guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with - wouldn't you like it to be with him?

You are a beautiful, proud and intelligent girl. Don't trash yourself, you're better than that. Get yourself a group of friends and do group things with them, I think you'd enjoy it more.

There are lots of things to do out there instead of devaluing yourself by screwing on the sofa in front of the TV behind your parents backs.

Go join a club, a drama class, do some stuff that won't ruin your life. You're far, far too young to be making decisions about being touched by boys - you've got another 60 years for that!

And remember, all these other ladies have been fourteen too so we do know. The guys have also been 14 and remember very well what they were interested in as well. I'm sure if you ask Ex-Joe he would be willing to tell you what he and his friends were interested in and talked about, as well as all the chat up lines. (Sorry, E-J!) Time you listened up and started enjoying being a teenager!

November 9, 2002
6:25 am
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Jess for TLC
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thank you so much for your help on all of this, i have leaned from this and now i hope it wont happen again. i'm atcually reading boundaries and i think i need to make so boundaries and that is what i'm planning doing working out my new life for next year. thank you for all your help

bloneie, Ex Jo, UK polly, Cici, jadedragon, gingerleigh, lisset, mossrose

thank you all so much. love you all bye. loving Jess xoxoxoxo

November 10, 2002
5:34 am
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Jess for TLC
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thank you blondie

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