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Abruptly ended relationship (2bstrong)
May 15, 2007
10:04 am
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2bstrong
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Has anyone ever had a relationship that seemed to be going along well, and then, for whatever reason, ended abruptly? I am interested in hearing similar experiences.

I have been dating someone for a bit more than three months. He seemed very interested in me, and made many references and statements that led me to believe there was a future for us. On Saturday evening, we had our first disagreement/conflict...and it started out as fairly minor, and then turned into and end. This has left me feeling very confused; and my feelings are confused. I feel no anger toward him as I am still in shock and disbelief. It wasn't a deterioration at all...just an end.

May 15, 2007
10:22 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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I had these kinds of things happen, but usually it meant that I got back with them...after cooling off...then off again...then on again.

What it could signify is that this person is not capable of handling conflicts...and conflicts DO happen.

So, they run.

Doesn't make it right...but means they lack the maturity to see things thru.

And alot of times, in a conflict, things get said in the heat of the moment...that really weren't meant.

So, be careful...don't get caught up in on again off again type stuff...cuz you will never get that person to learn to cope with conflict....and any time something comes up, you will walk on eggshells, in fear of making them run again...or if it comes up...they will bolt cuz they can't handle facing issues with a partner.

That's my experience...it could be different for you.

May 15, 2007
10:27 am
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2bstrong
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Thank you Rising. I feel so needy lately! I've been posting like crazy about my relationships. I feel the need to take some time for myself for healing and reflection. I really want to stop choosing these kinds of relationships. I did not see this coming at all. We had one disagreement, up to that point, it was going well. I even received flowers from him less than two weeks ago.

I've been in and out of crazy relationships for two years. I wonder if HP is trying to tell me something?

May 15, 2007
10:29 am
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2shy
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I had dated a guy for 8 months. He gave me a promise ring. Then one day we had a disagreement. I was cold towards him because of the disagreement, and he just ended the relationship. I was in disbelief. I tried calling him repeatedly but he just refused to talk to me. Six months later he called me, we got back together, and he dumped me again a year later. I realized that our entire relationship was an act on his part. I realized that the first time he dumped me he did so because he was going back to his home country (Morocco) to marry his wife (arranged marriage). He dumped me the second time because the immigration papers were ready and she was coming here.

That was my experience.

May 15, 2007
10:40 am
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2bstrong
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Whoa. 2shy. That is an extreme case of betrayal. I feel that there is something that happened in this situation that he is not sharing with me. That may be the only similarity in our situations. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

May 15, 2007
10:44 am
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glittered when he walked
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((2b))

sorry for your struggles right now. wish i could offer your pearls of wisdom from experience, but i cannot. can only speculate about what the greater issue/s is/are. apparently, it's not minor with him.

May 15, 2007
10:49 am
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risingfromtheashes
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if there was some deceit on his part, you wouldn't have seen it coming.

if he is the type that recoils like a wounded child when conflict strikes, you wouldn't see it coming either.

but it WOULD happen again if he came back and wanted to try again.

some people just don't handle conflict well and as long as things are all rosey and wonderful, they are ok...but the minute that the idyllic relationship is shattered with a dose of day to day reality - issues that come up...then it all falls apart.

and honestly, you can't know that until you hit a "bump in the road" and see how they handle it.

there can be clues...if they have a history of job hopping, failed relationships or friendships or such...little to no friends, etc.

some people will treat you well (flowers, rings) etc...until something happens where you don't see eye to eye.

I think it's called devalued and discarded...they put you on a pedestal, but the minute their "fantasy" of how perfect you are is shattered, they don't want it anymore.

OR

if they feel that YOU think less of THEM...they run...feeling worthless....and conflict can make others feel that way.

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