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about to be a mom having mom problems
January 16, 2007
12:35 am
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sadclown
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Hi Everyone,
this is my first time posting here, but I am in need of advice or support. My mother has been emotionally abusive to me and my sibs all our lives by making everything about her and fixing her depression and suicidal ramblings. She loves to tease us and if our feelings get hurt we often apologize to her for it because she twists things around to make it seem like it was our fault! I am going to be a mommy for the first time in a few months and I don't know how to handle this. I've read Melody Beatie's book and I guess I need to re-read it because I'm having a hard time not to get sucked into her negativity. She and I got into a big fight and I really told her how she hurt me thru the years for the first time ever. I haven't heard back from her and I'm nervous to hear her response. I feel like I've made things worse by voicing my opinions when I should have kept my mouth shut and everything will just blow over in time. Now I've opened a Pandora's box and things will be hurt beyond repair so that we can't be close ever again. However, I know that if I didn't tell her how she's affected me negatively, I'd resent her more and more and could hurt myself and my family emotionally with that baggage. I'm just real confused and upset right now. thanks for reading....
sadclown!

January 16, 2007
2:27 am
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bonita1
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Good for you for communicating your feelings to your mom. You did this after reading Beattie's book only once? Wow!! I was only able to talk to my Dad about his abusiveness after about a year of therapy!! You go, girl.

Now, it is time for you to read that book again. If you have health insurance, get into some good counseling and/or a group such as CoDependents Anonymous. Get yourself emotionally healthy and you will be the best mom that your baby can have.

1st baby Congratulations!

~~bonita

January 16, 2007
4:15 am
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alycia
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Sometimes we need to get things off our chest and we feel a sigh of relief when we do, u did the right thing in my opinion.

Maybe your mum is just shocked that someone spoke up about her mistreatment... i am sure she will soften up and let bygons be bygons or however u spell that when the baby comes...

I am a single mum so if u ever wanna chat baby stuff, give me a yell....

it will be ok now that you have said whats been bugging you, dont dwell on it and look after u and your unborn child right now, any added stress isnt good for your baby...

All the best on the safe arrival of your baby......

January 16, 2007
7:08 am
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wannabe
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September 29, 2010
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hi
really sorry to hear about what you have gone through.

my mum is abusive too, and I ran away from home two years back, I also shared with her how I felt and she took it soo badly. infact she would say she never wants to see me ever again, till we die and meet in heaven.

I confidend in a close uncle who talked to her, and though we are not very close our relationship keeps on improving day by day. and she respects some of my siblings

am also a single mum, and like they say some stuff are hereditary. I am very keen on how I treat my daughter.

I wish you all the best. turn to God in prayer when you are overwhelmed

January 16, 2007
8:05 am
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thewall
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I'm so sorry for mother problems..ugh, that can be soo painful.

I highly recommend the book "Understanding the borderline mother" bc it has alot of good information in dealing with a difficult mother, whether she is borderline or not.

January 16, 2007
9:28 am
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lovetocrochet
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how this is, my bio-mother is evil and when I've confronted her about her abusive behavior she either denies there's anything wrong with it or starts pointing fingers. I haven't spoken to her in five years.

I think it's very rare if an abusive parent ever admits that their behavior is wrong. It's like their pride and having to be right is more important than a decent relationship with their own flesh and blood.

You may also benefit from reading "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward. I read it last year and it helped affirm my choice to stay away from my bio-family.

At this point I would focus on what's best for both you and your baby. If you have any doubts that your mother will treat your child with respect then I would draw some really firm boundaries. This is the time to break the cycle and give your child what you didn't have.

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