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Abandonment Issues
February 11, 2005
8:29 am
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seeking_answers
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I have been having lots of anxiety and the dr. has doubled my meds. I had a session with my therapist yesterday and she came to the conclusion that my anxiety is related to abandonment issues. My mother left me with my father the summer before I started high school.. In my opinion when a girl most needs her mother. And my relationship with my ex has been rocky in the same manner.. disappearing.. talking to me when its convenient, etc, etc, etc.. Any one else that can relate??

February 11, 2005
9:59 am
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CODA_Mom
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Hi seeking,

It is possible that you are feeling anxious because of your fear of being abandoned...again. It sounds as if your ex has been emotionally abandoning you all along which would cause you to react with the same anxiety over and over again.

One thing that may be helpful when you start getting anxiety attacks is to stop, take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are not a young, helpless girl anymore but a grown, intelligent and capable woman. As a grown woman, you can take care of and protect yourself. You do not need to give your sense of well-being away to a relationship that leaves you feeling unprotected and anxious.

Focus on your strengths, all of us have them, not on your weaknesses. Surround yourself with people who love you for YOU, not what you can be for them.

If you are obsessing over your ex too much, try to force yourself to think about more positive things/people in your life. It takes about 3 weeks to form new habits, including replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

You can do it, seeking, God bless you.

Hugs,
CM

February 11, 2005
11:06 am
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angel without wings
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Seeking,
I completely understand your abandonment issues - i've been dealing with it my whole life also. The only difference is that it was my Dad that abandoned me. I found that each relationship repeated the same ole bad patterns of codependence and pain. I never knew what it was like to have a man love me and care for me like a man should. So i never had very good standards. Chaos and hurt were the things i was used to and i chose to be in relationships that had those qualities. It's really hard to deal with a parent up and leaving you. I don't think we ever really get over it, but we can acknowledge it and try to better ourselves and love ourselves.

February 15, 2005
9:30 am
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Thanks for your feedback.. Very good ideas.. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back.. Still having some anxiety. My ex has contacted me via text messages and asked to have lunch, but I didnt respond. Over the weekend my dad and I had a long discussion about my mom. I told him things she had done that he had no idea and he shared with me as well how my mom kept him tore up all the time. My mom is very unstable and has lots of issues. I shared with him how it affected me when she left when I was 13 and basically disappeared, not knowing where she was or anything and how I needed a mom! The one thing I didnt tell him was that I was sexually abused by my mom's husband (before they were married) and later told my mom.. It happened when I was 8 or 9 and I finally told my mom about it when I was around 20. She stopped seeing him only to blame me for her having to be alone.. And later I found out that she was back with the guy, or at least hanging out with him. And then I was accused of sleeping with her next husband.. Later telling me he had been accused of molesting a child as well to try to turn me against him.. why would she even be with someone who she already knew that about.. Why would she be back w/ the guy after i told her what he did to me.. All she could say was to tell me all the things he had done to her.. The difference was that she was an adult and I was a child. I'm having a hard time getting past all this and accepting that my mom is just a sick person. I'm 26 and am so sad that I don't have a mom to call up and talk about everyday things.. or life in general..

-Seeking

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