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AA
September 3, 2005
9:29 pm
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silentears
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September 24, 2010
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i am having a really hard time right now. nothing has purpose. i am so far from here and so lost it is undescribable. i realize now, things were fine and i had things going when my family was still here. ever since they have left i have been gone. i miss them greatly. i was just on this webpage of my best friend who moved to college. it's funny how we change you know. we were best friends forever and all the sudden reading about her best friend and boyfriend all the time hurts. these are people from our hometown not from college. i'm never mention, missed, called etc. it hurts. everything does. i have no one. i started americorps and i hate it. it isn't for me and i cant handle it. people are tired of me talking cause they aren't professionals. i know that. i'm sick of "i'm not a professional...." i need a friend. someone i can talk to about anything and have them listen, pray, respond, something. i don't have that anymore. my grandma died one year ago aug. 31 and it is just now hitting me. that day, it hardly touched me one bit. my family never returns calls. my mother--i can't stand. her voice makes me angry. i cut my wrist up. that sounds so bad. who would you go telling that to. seriously. well, i freaked out. i need a drink so bad and don't have any...yet. i wanna not feel. well, i already feel dead but there are no words to describe......

September 8, 2005
10:38 am
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HOLLY BERRY
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September 29, 2010
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SILENTTEARS:
Dear, I am new to this site or would have responded immediately. I just joined today. You are in such pain. You said you have no one. Just want you to know you have me! Let's get to that point where this site is our best friend. The things we can share and learn here are incredible. I never knew that there was a place like this where I could go and annonomously post messages.

Also, there are people out there. People you can see and touch, as well as talk to. You just have not found them yet. You will have to get out and move, and sometimes, you have to open up the conversation. There are lots of places you can go to meet people without alcohol, if that is a problem for you. I battle demons every day, as we all do.

Please continue the discussion thread and let me try to help. I am 51 years old and feel that some of my life experiences can help someone, even though I fight my own battles. See my initial submission earlier today called "I'm new - depression & addicition...."

Please reply - let us help.

September 8, 2005
10:56 am
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HOLLY BERRY
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ONE MORE QUESTION - WHY DID YOU CALL THE THREAD AA? Does that mean Alcoholics Anonymous? You mentioned needing a drink. Do you feel that you are an alcoholic? You also metioned being far from family, and missing them. Does this include your mom, who you said you can't stand to talk to? What family just moved away?
Please reply when you can!

September 8, 2005
9:40 pm
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silentears
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Hey! Thank you! I am so glad you replied. AA-at first stood for alcoholics annonymous....maybe not such a good name now. If you read past posts of mine-you'll see. The family I'm referring to are people I temperarily lived with and then they moved. We're not literally related. Now that I am in Americorps I am having a really hard time..especially not liking it so much. I will write more when I can. I am tired right now and ready for bed.

September 8, 2005
9:56 pm
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HOLLY BERRY
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SLEEP WELL -

So, what does AA stand for now? You are lost, lonely, depressed, and afraid. What else are you fighting?

We are all fighting something, or we would not be in this web site. Let me help...and also, I'll bet you can help me. You know, sometimes, by helping others, we gain the self-esteem that we are all apparently needing to gain.

I'll bet you are beautiful....not on the outside, even though you may be, but what we seek here is beauty on the inside, and our willingness to help others in a desperate attempt to help ourselves.

Love ya - HB

September 9, 2005
11:17 pm
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silentears
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AA-well I don't know. All of the things you said and probably more. Part of me doesn't know why I feel how I do. It is almost unexplanable.I am so lost. i am trying to find a sense of purpose, common ground-myself. I'm trying to find it in myself because that is all I have. Thank you HB for your support. I am here for you as well. I don't have a lot of self esteem-positive anyway. I just feel like my world is crashing down on me-even though I have some good things going on. Ok, I am going to go--and read your thread! Have a good day. And thanks again.

September 13, 2005
1:57 pm
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Anonymous
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Hold on AA! You had enough self esteem to get here, to get this far. Just try doing something positive each day, I read that if you can do something others wouldn´t believe you could do, it would help. Is your kitchen sink a mess, start there. And do remember you need help. Having a weakness is not being weak.

September 13, 2005
9:17 pm
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silentears
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having a weakness is not being weak. i like that. yes, i know i do need help. getting it is the next step. so we will see!

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