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A weird situation that may happen to all of u..
June 28, 2006
5:21 am
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alasad
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I got to meet the girls of my dream .. and we are planning to get married and all ..

I'm just concerned about one thing and i can't tell anyone about it ..

In the beginning she used to have lots of time for me .. and always used to ask for my attention and to see me .. then we both started working on our career and higher studies .. so we went in state of stress where we started to snap on each other and it reached a point where we had big fights and nearly broke up .. she said stuff and i did too .. the problem was she used to get so tense that she would get bitter .. and i wasn't that supportive i admit

After the exams we sat and talked about it .. and she was still bitter and offish but i absorbed her anger for our relationship to survive this downfall .. She got busy straight away after exams and it wasn't in her hands .. where she had to attend many events and visit many people she didn't see in the past 3 months .. and i was supportive in that ..

It came out fruitful that she calmed down and saw that i'm supportive ..

the problem is .. when i first knew her she didn't use to have her phone by her side .. and it was difficult to reach her .. when our relationship got stronger .. she always used to call and message and i used to reach her anytime anywhere ..

now .. when i call .. she can't pick up because she's with the family or busy outside finishing some important work .. or the phone is switched off because she ran out of battery .. not to mention i can't call on her room number these days because it causes problems with her family who want her to get done with this urgent work of hers before she starts working ..

She calls me once she's done and i know for a fact she tries to see me once she can . but what i'm feeling right now .. is not the same attention i used to get before .. and that's why i never call until she calls .. and try to hold my self back from her although i miss her so much

i know if i confront her .. she will get angry and will start saying that i don't know what she's going through .. so that's why i'm just quiet and not doing anything about it ..

at the same time .. whenever she calls .. we talk for a while .. she keeps on talking about different subjects .. and what she did today .. but rarely does she ask how my day was ..

i don't know what to do ..

your opinion and guidance would be mostly appreciated

June 28, 2006
6:42 am
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codep
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from what you wrote in your post it sounds like she still cares for you and wants contact with you and is making her best attempt at keeping a relationship with you even when her life is so hectic right now. I think that you should talk to her but not in a demanding way. Just simply tell her that you understand that her life is hectic right now and most importantly tell her that you "do appreciate the time she does give to you" that will keep her from getting defensive. Always start off with positive things, and then I would tell her that you're feeling a little left behind. In the mean time do you have activities, friends and family outside the relationship? If not I would try and find those things for yourself and give her some time to come back to you when her life isent so crazy.
You say that she will get angry if you tell her how you feel, I think maybe sometimes we too often incorrectly predict how others will react, if she loves you and truly cares for you, your feelings and the relationship and if approached the correct way then she will want to know your concerns without becoming angry at you.
Everyone has a right to feel the way they feel and a right to air their grievences about the relationship in a respectful way. Communication is very important in a relationship.
Goodluck....

June 28, 2006
8:17 am
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alasad
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Well you are right in everything you said ..

However, during that period when we had our exams and we started arguing and fighting .. she started blaming me for lots of stuff .. and whenever we open the subject she wouldn't want to listen .. because she feels that she would be blamed .. that's why i tried my best not to open the subject..

As you suggested .. i'm getting my self busy with family and friends .. yet .. i have to say that sometimes i feel she even wants to control the way i talk or do things .. but she knows that this is a red line to cross and whenever she tries .. she straight away backs off ..

She is a good person in heart. . but sometimes i don't know how to understand her. Yesterday she didn't have time to talk to me on the phone .. although i came back tired and watned to talk to her .. and 5 hours passed .. later on at midnight she called i was almost asleep .. so i just ignored and didn't pick up .. because i have work and next morning she has nothing ... i woke up today and i didn't call her back ... she didn't call at all .. she had work to do i guess .. but when it was 1:00 pm she called and i didn't pick up .. because i don't want her to take the feeling that when i want her she's not there but when she wants me i'm always there .. it is just not fair i guess .. she needs to learn to miss me as i miss her .. and needs to realize that if she moves back i'll move back ... so she needs to be careful and as much caring as i am ..

But i dont' know ... i don't want us to continue this way .. i know she's under stress now .. and she always comes to me when she's feeling down because i know how to calm her down ..

June 28, 2006
11:07 am
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artist 2
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Just talk to her... it sounds like you have a pretty strong relationship. Tell her you miss her and you would like to hear from her more often. You miss her!

June 28, 2006
12:06 pm
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nappy
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Alasad, you are angry that you are not spending enough time with her and she is angry because maybe she is doing things that she don't want to do and just don't know how to say it. Just imaging if you had her attached to your hip, after a while you would be trying to find away for her to get off of you. You would be finding a way to find your own space.
My ex-boyfriend and I tried to get back together again after we split up. Now we are not living together anymore. He also tried to control my time and how it should be spent with him. I don't think so. When you do things that in your heart you don't want to do then you will become angry at that person. Especially with me being angry at him because I felt that we shared a household together. We are there everyday , eating, sleeping and enjoying each other life with each other. He left the household so now I was suppose to give up my time being with him and then when I wouldn't, he would get mad at me. Whoa! now with such things being said, my time is divided into god, myself, work, church, being with my grown kids and grandchildren, family and friends. See if he was still there, he would have been a part of my life and me being a part of his. Not him trying to control my life and thinking that it is spent with only him and that my time is suppose to be given up for him. I don't think so.
Find things in your life that you enjoy doing and when you two get together, if this is the person that you say you love then cherish your time together, because time is not on our side, it is god side and we should be thankful that we are spending time with the people that we love while we are among the living. Just think that if she was demanding your time all the time, you wouldn't like it.

June 29, 2006
10:17 am
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alasad
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The thing is .. i've stopped calling for a while .. and never called and waited for her to call .. she used to call and say why am i not asking .. well when i ask she never picks up or her phone is closed!

i don't know .. but we love each other .. and we are planning for our engagement in 6 months time and everything is going well in completing each other .. but the main issue is that i need to reach her when i want to .. i don't want to control her time .. i respect her time and what she dreams of doing .. but i only need 5 mins that i can call and tell her how much i miss her and how much i love her and to make sure she's alright ..

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