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a special gift for my grandmother
March 7, 2005
12:03 pm
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Anonymous
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My grandmother's birthday is coming up and i want to give her something special but I cant think of anything good becuz of her condition and where she lives.

she will be 91 on the 9th. she has been in a nursing home almost 2 years now. last year for her 90th, we brought her home and had a huge party, but this year she is too weak. between then and now, she had a stroke too.

she has very little room in her little corner of the room. not many places to put things like flowers or plants. she practically needs to be force fed so favorite goodies is out. hand lotions and things like that, the nurses steal.

she pretty much lays in bed all the time. shes not doing well physically while she seems to be okay mentally. she knows pretty much what is going on around her and who people are. she knows her birthday is coming too. the doctors predicted she would be gone around christmastime but shes hung in there.

im afraid this may be the last time she will be here ..

gee - i guess this thread is more than just a special birthday gift for my gramdmother.

it hurts me to see her dying. im sad. šŸ™

March 7, 2005
12:27 pm
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CODA_Mom
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firefly,

What a wonderful thing you are trying to do for your grandmother. I sense that this is a really tough time for you, she seems to have played a special part in your life. Knowing that she could pass away soon has probably triggered the grieving process in you already. It is good that you have posted, and I want to encourage you to come here often if it helps to talk about her.

Does she have a favorite type of music that she likes to listen to? Do you play an instrument and could perhaps play or sing to her? Give her a tape/CD to listen to when you're not there?

It is tough to watch loved ones lose strength and slip away, but try to remember that what you're seeing now does not define who she is...her life was so much more.

Love & hugs,
CM

March 7, 2005
1:44 pm
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sdesigns
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Maybe make a collage of pictures of you growing up, or a collage of family pictures. Older people love to look at those and relive all of the special memories. Or maybe take some photos of the two of you while you are visiting and frame one of them. Or have a memory book where you or family members write down special memories they have w/ her.

March 7, 2005
1:53 pm
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Anonymous
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its like 'everything' i think of - theres some reason it wouldnt work! she cant even look at a book by herself. she cant really reas becuz she cant see well enough and she can hardly hear - and yet, she is still mentally capable. how awful, huh?

a CD wouldnt work ... no one to help her operate it

i do play an intrument and did this for her at christmas. it was wonderful too becuz she was having a good day that day and was sitting in her wheelchair and recognized songs and even sang a tiny bit or hummed. i almost cried while playing (clarinet).

a couple years ago i did the scrap book thing. that was wonderful too. i sent it to all her relatives - all her children, their children and their children - 3 generations filled the book with memories and pictures. it was so beautiful.

i want to do something equally creative and touching for her birthday ... all i can think of are "material" things but i want it to be more special than that. i just dont know how/what ....

gotta keep thinking ...

March 7, 2005
2:07 pm
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ILSILS
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im thinking about special botties that they have for what is called contractures (something people get when they are in homes usually) they help to decrease the risk of tears in their skin and make it more comfortable for them. you may check into stores that carry therapudic items for the elderly. or ask her nurses or the home director if there is anything they can think of to make her more comfortable

March 7, 2005
2:07 pm
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Hey ...what do you think about a necklace, but not one you buy in the store. i would make it myself and choose all different special beads and thing to but on it .......? then all she has to do is wear it.

March 7, 2005
2:12 pm
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CODA_Mom
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That is a great idea, firefly. It would be extra-special to her because you made it yourself, it wouldn't be just another material thing. She probably would love to show it off to folks at the nursing home, too.

Love,
CM

March 7, 2005
2:25 pm
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sdesigns
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Maybe a beaded charm bracelet or necklace w/ pics the family members?

March 7, 2005
2:31 pm
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thanks CM (((hugs)))

sdesigns ... yeah - Im gonna go to Michaels and see what they have to make that kind of stuff. I was thinking of using pictures too.

Now im kind of excited and happy. not so sad anymore. i mean, it never really goes away - but its like im happy and sad at the same time now!

thank you, love `firefly

March 7, 2005
7:24 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Hugs to you back, FF!!

< <<>>>>

March 7, 2005
8:02 pm
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firefly,

How special that you are thinking this thru to give her something she can really use and that she will be reminded of you with that gift.

These lists are great ideas!

Other ideas for the future is the gift of touch;

Such as doing her fingernails for her. Makes even bed bound ladies feel good!

Another is the beauty shop there, if she can make it depending on her physical conditon. Funds are limiting while living there and the hairdresser takes a big chunk of money for the residents. Ot, arrange to do it yourself, or have a private hairdresser come in.

Another is to have lunch or dinner with her(AT THE NURSING HOME), make arrangements for that meal. You can even reserve the Activity Room or other place, if they have that available.

This is also a great idea for the family to get together in a reserved room to just have that quiete, special place, for her to blow out that candle on her cake (they might not allow a real buring candle if there is oxygen around, so you need to check that first).

What about a recording of your voice or song you've sung and put it on a tape player or CD!

Or a poem you have written? Or sa writen story of some special event or Holiday you spent wiwth your grandmother. It can be framed or pasted onto a piece of wood; (craft materials from the hobby store).

There are many ideas. The important thing is you are giving of yourself and something she can long remember, and yes, so Grandma can show it off to others when they enter her room (which is her home).

March 7, 2005
8:02 pm
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sewunique
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firefly,

How special that you are thinking this thru to give her something she can really use and that she will be reminded of you with that gift.

These lists are great ideas!

Other ideas for the future is the gift of touch;

Such as doing her fingernails for her. Makes even bed bound ladies feel good!

Another is the beauty shop there, if she can make it depending on her physical conditon. Funds are limiting while living there and the hairdresser takes a big chunk of money for the residents. Ot, arrange to do it yourself, or have a private hairdresser come in.

Another is to have lunch or dinner with her(AT THE NURSING HOME), make arrangements for that meal. You can even reserve the Activity Room or other place, if they have that available.

This is also a great idea for the family to get together in a reserved room to just have that quiete, special place, for her to blow out that candle on her cake (they might not allow a real buring candle if there is oxygen around, so you need to check that first).

What about a recording of your voice or song you've sung and put it on a tape player or CD!

Or a poem you have written? Or sa writen story of some special event or Holiday you spent wiwth your grandmother. It can be framed or pasted onto a piece of wood; (craft materials from the hobby store).

There are many ideas. The important thing is you are giving of yourself and something she can long remember, and yes, so Grandma can show it off to others when they enter her room (which is her home).

March 7, 2005
9:45 pm
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woundedspirit
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Does she have a tv in her room with a vcr? If so, make a tape of her closest family members telling a favorite memory they share with her and wishing her a happy birthday. Play it for her anytime you visit. If you dont have a camcorder you can rent one.

March 8, 2005
8:50 am
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I want to thank everyone for all your wonderful ideas for my grandmother. most of them would not work becuz of her condition - how sad, huh? thats why ive been having such a hard time thinking of things.

I wish I could explain what its like. what she is like. i go into her room and she is usually sleeping.she sleeps a lot now. she has become so thin and wont eat most of the time. becuz of her stroke, you have to go on her good side. she is almost blind. and almost deaf. cant talk very loud. she pretty much cant do anything but lay in bed. atleast the nurses get her up every day with a machine that hoists her out of bed into a wheelchair. she used to LOVE bingo but she cant do it anymore.

I dont want her to die, but she doesnt have much quality to her life. she is so sweet and even if she were suffering she wouldnt say.

maybe the best gift i can give her is my time. thats about all i can do at this point. is go see her and tell her i love her. and let her know i think of her every day. and what a special lady she is.

March 8, 2005
8:55 am
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we have a special connection becuz we went thru the same abuse together. and we made it out at just about the same time too. i finally got the courage to leave and while i was going thru the process of buying my house, she almost died becuz of neglect. so going to the nursing home was actually a blessing and she thrived for quite awhile. but now ..well, things are just coming to an end.

March 9, 2005
8:24 am
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Happy Birthday to My Gramdma "Mim"

91 Today!

One of the sweetest ladies you would ever hope to meet!

March 9, 2005
9:08 am
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tooscared
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Happy birthday to your grandma Mim!! Wow - 91 years old. She is blessed to have you as her granddaughter Firefly. What a gift to have a grandchild that loves you as dearly as you love her.

March 9, 2005
9:37 am
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Firefly,

Why don't you write a little biography about your grandmom someday on this board...tell us about her life, what she means to you, how you will always remember her. I'm not a grammie myself yet, but I'd really like to know what goes into being a good one. I'd like my grandkids to remember me the way you think of yours.

Love & hugs,
CM

March 9, 2005
10:44 am
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CM - i LOVE that idea!!! give me a few days to put my heart into it.

lots of love, firefly

March 9, 2005
12:02 pm
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mj
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Dear Firefly,
I think your presence in her life is the most important gift you can give her. Your unconditional love.
You can tell how much you care about her and I am sure your grandma feels your love. Love is Priceless.
Hopefully you will be able to just be with her a little today.

Happy Birthday to YOUR Grandma.
Love,
MJ

March 15, 2005
4:44 pm
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we went to visit my grandma on sunday for her birthday. she was sleeping when we arrived. there were flowers and gifts surrounding her from other visitors. the very first thing she said (asked) was to bring the flowers to the church. im not quite sure why she said that. my mother told her no - that she should enjoy them.

i told my mother about my idea for a necklace and she didnt think it was a good idea šŸ™ she told me some things she would like so i got that instead. wurthers candies and cashews. and chapstick.

mom brought a cup of her favorite ice-cream (maple walnut) and fed it to her. she asked if she knew what the flavor was and she knew! she REALLY enjoyed the ice cream. we brought a birthday cake for her to share at dinner time with her friends there. and we brought my parents dog to visit too.

it wasnt a big deal, but it was to her, ya know? my father took pictures. too bad i cant post them on here. 1 is of her enjoying her ice cream ...eyes closed, saying MMMMM. another i am reading her the cute card i got her. one with her birthday cake. Luckily we didnt get 91 candles. just the numbers nine and one. lol

just wanted to share the birthday visit. oh, and before we left we put some of the cashews in a little cup where she could reach them with her good hand. she said, these are GOOD. she was really enjoying herself! šŸ™‚

i kissed her and told her i love you. with a barely audible, shaky voice she said i love you too.

March 15, 2005
7:36 pm
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firefly...what a touching post. Im really glad for the update on how it went. Isnt it amazing what simple things can bring the greatest pleasure? awesome...

March 15, 2005
7:56 pm
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Firefly!

Thank you so much for sharing. This is magnificent. You are so blessed with your granny and the rest of your family!!! Happy birthday to her!

Love,

Rasputin

March 17, 2005
7:23 pm
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Firefly,

Thanks so much for sharing your visit with us, you painted a very warm, loving picture of the day so that we could almost imagine being there.

I'm sure your grammie really appreciated your presence, as well as your gifts. That's great that she can still chew cashews!

Take care, blessings,

CM

March 17, 2005
7:50 pm
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tooscared
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I agree with the others that you helped to make your grandma's birthday really special. You did things that meant a lot to her and she was happy. That had to just warm your heart. You are a very kind and loving person Firefly and I hope you realize the special qualities that are inside of you. May God bless your grandma with good quality of life in the time she has left on this earth and may God grant you His peace and comfort as you place all of this in His hands.

Love, TS

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