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A relationship with an 'N'
August 14, 2006
11:00 pm
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Best I can
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You guys had me thinking (dangerous persuit!!) after reading some of the posts on being codependent and involved with an narcissist.
I went inside to find out exactly how this was and got this story as a metaphor.

There I was, walking along when all of a sudden, I saw a shiny ball. I picked it up... and then, as I was drawing it near, it cut me... I looked closer at it and found it was covered with razor blades and knife points and arrowheads... I dropped it...but it was so shiny... and I really wanted it.
So I carefully tried to pick it up again and it cut me again...deeper and more severely.. I TRIED to hang on to it.. but drpped it as my hands became slippery with blood....
I thought that I must just be picking it up wrongly handling it wrongly... So Idecided to pick it up and ignore the slicing flesh and deep wounds. I took it home... adn though my hands were now cut to shreds, I was very happy to have it in my own possesion!! So happy, I decided I need to sleep with it close to me... for fear it would get lost or stolen.
When I awoke in the morning, my whole body was shredded and sliced and I was bleeding profusely... I was weak and on the verge of death, but still I clung to it... when I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror... I was bloody and pale adn hunched over, dying... I was so taken aback, and confused and scared by the image... that couldn't be me!! How did this happen??? How do I FIX THIS????
All of a sudden it came to me... DROP THE DAMMED BALL.

August 15, 2006
1:19 am
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gofigure
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Wow. Great metaphor, Best. Scary when it turns out to be so obvious.

August 15, 2006
3:51 am
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free
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That's my story written in your words Best I can.

This should be published.

wow.

free

August 15, 2006
7:11 am
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revelation
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Wow!!! I think this metaphor could be used to describe anyone who's codependent in a relationship with a N, alchololic, drug addict...basically any unhealthy person.

August 15, 2006
9:46 am
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atalose
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Thank you for sharing, it's a great metaphor....

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

August 15, 2006
12:56 pm
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StronginHim77
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That's what we're here for...to help one another "drop the damn ball!"

- Strong

August 15, 2006
1:14 pm
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gracenotes
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That's amazing! Put it sure is nice when you finally drop the ball.

August 15, 2006
1:21 pm
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doubleloss
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great metaphore, i don't want the shiny ball anymore, thank you...though, it is shiny

August 15, 2006
1:52 pm
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classof77
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And those type of balls demand so much attention.

August 15, 2006
3:30 pm
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forgottenone
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what can we do to change ourselves to make ourselves be drawn to emotionally healthy non abusive men?

i can't believe what has happened to my life - everyone is shocked.

August 15, 2006
6:29 pm
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StronginHim77
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forgottenone...

As we become healthier, we get drawn to healthier men. The key is to DO THE WORK FOR HEALING YOURSELF. Dig deep. Read. Journal. Get into therapy, when possible. Attend CODA, especially if you can't afford therapy. And as you heal, you will find yourself seeing the "red flags" and not ignoring them, anymore. First sign of Bad News, you will be oughta there, like a shot.

You will do it because you are trying. I've seen tremendous struggle and change in you, since you started posting. It HURTS while we change and heal, but it is a GOOD hurt because there is Hope at the end of it. HOPE.

- Strong

August 15, 2006
6:43 pm
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forgottenone,

I found a healthy non-abusive guy. Treats my kids and I like gold.

Wish I could remember who gave me this advice: date the ones who don't initially attract you.

I was not attracted to my now husband in the beginning. Just wanted to be friends. Hung out with him, went on dates, etc. Became really good friends, developed into what we agreed would be monogomous, but without future committment. Just see what happens type of thing. Met him in '99. We got engaged in 2003, finally actually got married this March.

For this to happen, I had decided I would be single the rest of my life, and became okay with that. So okay, that it was very difficult to commit. I wish I knew how to spell the comittment, commit, - the word doesn't look right in type. anyhow. By deciding to be single the rest of my life and not live with anybody (we did not live together until we married either), I grew to like my own company. Enough to actually NEED alone time now.

I dunno if this is the magical key. Don't know if there is one.

But it worked for me, and I just started with dating somebody I was not attracted to initially, but had numerous people to speak of what a kind gentleman he was.

free

August 15, 2006
6:45 pm
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I should add to that last sentence:

he had numerous people to speak of what a kind gentleman he was

INCLUDING HIS EX-WIFE.

I didn't mean to yell, there, would have italicized it if I knew how.

I think the ex-wife thing is a biggie.

free

August 15, 2006
7:09 pm
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Rasputin
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That is an AWESOME Metaphor ((((Best I can)))!!! It definitely depicts any relationship with an unhealthy partner.

Way to go!!! Let's discard these men and brush them off for ever!!!

~Ras~

August 18, 2006
3:42 am
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doubleloss
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bump: for letmego

August 18, 2006
5:49 am
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nvr2late
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all.

that really is a good metaphor...
drop the damn ball!

free...you are proof there are good guys out there...I think it should be a prerequisite that you get to talk to the ex-wife or ex-g/f...

I hope that my stbx's g/f's do that...although I know they won't.

you cannot tell someone young that to run fast, because with these men, they charm and charm and look too good to be true..

and that is because they ARE

nvr

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