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A question about posting & responding...help
May 20, 2004
1:55 am
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Hi all,

I haven't been around for a bit... busy etc...

There has been a lot going on I see, and some of what I read has made me confused on a kind of major general issue.

When someone starts a thread, it is wrong to respond by sharing your experiences? I feel awful, because I know I have done quite a bit of this in the past and now I think it may have been a faux pax or flat out insensitive. I thought it was more like cyber support group, but do I have the wrong idea? I mean, if we are all going to leave ourselves out of our responses... that sounds kind of cold. And if we all started brand new treads for ourselves each time we wanted to say something, wouldn't the board be swamped? Isn't it good to hear what others have been through? I need that. But I hate to think I shafted some people in the past... I'm not going to drudge up the ongoing issues in the recent threads...but I'm just wondering...
-ella

May 20, 2004
2:30 am
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uptoolate
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Hi -ella,

I think that if someones' story relates to yours and you can help that person by giving advice based on your own experiences and by using examples of your own life, than it's a good thing. But when you totally disregard what that persons thread is about and make it all about you, it does seem rather selfish and disrespectful to that person, like their problem doesn't matter, you just care about you.

If I start a thread, that usually means that I am hurting or am feeling confused and I need help and support. It would hurt me more to think that someone would come in to it and make it all about them and not try to help me. If that were always the case here, I don't think that any of us would be sticking around because no one would be getting their needs met.

I personally have not experienced that yet. Everytime I have started a thread I have always received good, caring, advice and everyone has always made me feel welcomed and less alone in my fight. And in turn I try to do the same for those that I feel like I can help. It's so nice to know that we can come here when we need to and get support.

May 20, 2004
4:14 am
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silence
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respond any way you want. It's up to the poster to pick and choose which responses they will listen to.

May 20, 2004
9:31 am
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CAMER
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i agree with "uptoolate" if your story has the same topic of the subject then it would be ok to share, and of course don't change the subject and make it all about you on someone elses thread.

May 20, 2004
9:44 am
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Zinnie
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Ditto Uptoolate's response.

May 20, 2004
11:07 am
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Wanttobewell
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Yeah, I feel the same way. I try to relate my experience to the other person's problem if possible. Sometimes I get carried away about myself, but I try not to. We're trying to help someone else and by doing that, maybe help ourselves also. Don't worry,, I've learned that if someone doesn't really like what you have to say, generally they will let you know :>}

May 20, 2004
1:06 pm
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acj
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I know it helps me if someone else shares their story if it closely relates to something I'm going through.

I really don't take any negativity too personally here. Everyone has a different way of expressing themselves and they are genuinely trying to help. Sometimes that one "negative" comment hits home and makes me think...

acj

May 20, 2004
3:42 pm
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eve
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Mrella,

i think that your question relates to a special thread, where the person who started the thread asked specifically to keep comments to a minimum, and put discussion about the thread somewhere else. I this case I find it impolite to heap the thread whith personal, not really closely related comments.

In all other instances: of course you should comment, whenever you feel that you have something to say, helpful, critical, important, supportive, whatever. Often the posts help the person who started the thread. And - at least for me - answering also helps oneself, I sort throgh my thoughts much clearer if I put them in writing.

May 20, 2004
3:56 pm
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annastar
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Hay, eve! I am not sure- what personal comments you refer to. In that thread WD said- he had tradition to go out with friends on Christmas, and that his g/f did not respect his freedom. Zinnie said- she not always spends Christmas with husband- some time he go visit his family, wile she goes visit hers. I said- I have 2 friends. One of them spends Christmas with his g/f and family, other one- go out drinking with his friends. Women usually like guys that understand that Christmas is a family time. How come you find this comment deeply personal and not related to the topic?

May 20, 2004
4:47 pm
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uptoolate
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Annastar, Why are you bringing this up again?

Eve mentioned no names and no specific thread. I don't think it's fair of you to jump on her like that. She is allowed to have her opinion, just as everyone here is, but I find your post on this thread inappropriate. She did not directly attack you. Why are you so defensive? This was already discussed in other threads and I thought it was put to rest and the point was made clear.
Don't be so angry and stop taking things so personal.

Enough is enough already...Please?

Can't we all just get along??!!!

May 20, 2004
5:16 pm
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annastar
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You know- I did not want to talk about it again, specially, because I believe- it was nothing to talk about in a first place. But it is easy for you to say, because it was not about you, and you did not have to explain yourself 2 days long to every one who has some thing to say about it. It may be sound innocent to you, but Eve said- particular thread, and every one knows what thread we talking about. I also never understood what personal stuff we talking about, because- I feel- If some one was talking with WD about WD, it was me. We did not discuss my personal stuff at all. But keeping making negative statements with out even calling names creates negative attention to the subject and many of us who did not read the thread, may think- it was some really inappropriate content in it. I am not angry- I am just worry that it will be more comments, and I will have to explain more, wile I don’t want to have anything to do with it at all.

May 20, 2004
10:48 pm
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Annastar- I didn't read that thread... I came in on the tail end of some of that stuff and actually just skimmed and caught a line or two that made me think I might have been responding innappropriately myself in the past. That's all. I wasn't sure what the exact issues were that people were getting upset over and don't care to know particulars...the one thing that concerned me was a phrase or two in that thread that refered to posting personal comments on someone else's thread- and I was saying I thought I might have been guilty of that. I was not speaking of anyone else! Please don't be hurt- it's a question about the protocol and routine here not about who did what to whom. Please don't feel you have to explain any of that stuff that went on- my question was general and not personal. Are we cool?
love, ella

May 20, 2004
10:53 pm
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uptoolate
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I understand what you are saying, Annastar. I understand that all of this is upsetting for you as well.

Ya know, I would probably choose to ignore the negative comments until all of this dies down, But that is just my opinion.

I hope you are doing ok and remember...this too shall pass.

May 20, 2004
11:14 pm
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annastar
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O- it was actually nice that you ask, because we were getting confused. I just not feeling very happy any way, and have no extra energy to arguing. There are so many interesting things we can talk about. We need some hot topic. What would you like to discuss?

May 20, 2004
11:22 pm
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a have a few remarks about the current presidential administration, but I think that would be out of place here!

May 21, 2004
12:15 am
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Zinnie
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Ella,

That posting would be appropriate on the Liberation Brew side of the site.

Z.

May 21, 2004
12:36 am
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annastar
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I have confession to make: I just went to another board- just to hang out, see what is going on. It is kind of cool! I mean- they have too many people there- not very personalized…But you can post pictures! Would some body like to go hand out there tonight?

May 21, 2004
1:12 am
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Annastar- That sounds like so much fun. I wish I didn't have to go to sleep. Gotta wake up early...I'm pushing it staying up as late as this. I'm gonna check it out in the future tho. I didn't know about the picture thing. Are you talking about "Liberation Brew"? How did you find pictures there?

Like most dog owners, I feel the impulse to share the image of my cherished one with the whole world but I will spare you all! 🙂

see you there sometime soon.
-ella

May 21, 2004
1:13 am
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p.s. Zinnie, what is the difference between the two boards? Subject content? Is L.B. more for socializing?
-ella

May 21, 2004
1:27 am
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annastar
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I was actually talking about like “other board”. I was thinking- we can go there, see what they talking about and- may be discuss something here. That place is complicated. They actually rank you and you can get promoted if you good. Yes, it getting late- it almost 2 am here. I better go sleep. Easy for me to say about posting pictures- I have personal web site and can post as much as I want. I just can not post link here. Another way would be to sign up with yahoo e-mail which will give you free web space where you can post pics with out personal information, but your web link will be same as e-mail address and site coordinator may get upset. I respect rules- we made agreement- no personal information. I wondering- do we consider Yahoo or MSN free web space personal information?

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