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a parent of a child with special needs
February 8, 2001
1:28 pm
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play
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I find the seperating process and helping my child to gain modified independece really touches on my pain.I am scared of the future for my son and the pain is with me all the time. I think one of the greatest gifts in life is being able to become independant and being free to make your choices.

February 8, 2001
8:05 pm
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Molly
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great gift or curse? Janes into special ed, and kitten has a special child. I am sure they will post support, but what is your issue specifically? I truly believe that God never gives us more than we can handle, and that special children go to special people. The seperation process is hell, my girls abandonded me, and they think that they just went to college, and grew up! It is hard to go through all those years together, then empty nest syndrome, or someone that never grows up, or someone special that will always need you, so that you know what your life purpose is. Please be more clear in your need. We are pretty good here in support.

February 8, 2001
11:51 pm
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kitten
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Play,
I have to admit, there have been times when I wished my daughter had never been born, or that she would die in some quick, neat, accident. I hated the thought of her living the way she is. She will never get better. But I will. I will grow and grow and grow, learning how to be a better mother. One way to do that is by letting her go. She will move out when she turns 21...some sort of community living arrangement. She knows how to take care of herself, she knows all the important stuff, and most of all...she knows how to love. She is who she is. And she has helped me become who I am. Without her, I would never have had the courage to stand up for anything, much less myself. I have grown a BIG set of balls because of her. I had to. No one is going to care for your child the way a mother does. But mothering means letting go: pushing the baby out of the nest. Children, no matter what their ability have the right to grow and touch others... teach others. They, just like
"normal" kids, have a job to do. We have all come to earth to take on our own lessons...let your child do theirs
and you do yours. Every day is a choice, but you have to know, you and your child have made choices about life long before you made a physical step on this earth. Call it Karma, whatever, but the only way to get over fear is to walk through it!

February 9, 2001
8:17 pm
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janes
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Let go of the pain. It serves your child no earthly (or heavenly) good.

Why do you pity your child and hurt for them.

Go to a Special Olympics evet...watch the joy - pride - committment and skill
these special people of all levels have (including those in wheelchairs handicapped by deformed bodies and minds)

Your child;s future touches on "YOUR PAIN"?

You are going to be going through the most important part of your parenting job....letting go - - ensuring that the agencies and such are in place for your child...then back off.

Tell us more...what disability, how severe, what age, etc.

If you are in the States your child (not YOU) your child has the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) and IDEA Individual with Dis. Education Act to protect.

There are numerous watchdog groups and many many ways to have supported living etc. etc. etc.

Mom...it's time to look at YOUR life too.

Celelbrate your child's life.

At spec. Olympics a couple weeks ago I arrived early for lunch and helped a severly phys. and mentally disabled young man eat his lunch...talk about flirting...he was sooo funny and we had a great time yet he spoke not ONE WORD.

Life is more than just normal..and those of us who appear "Normal" miss the boat by thinking anyone with a handicap is "LESS THAN" anyone or anything else.

The biggest gift you can give your child is to insure that when the time comes Mom can hide her tears and fears and send them off to be a "grown up".

February 9, 2001
8:23 pm
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kitten
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janes,
Amen!

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