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A New Day, A New Thread
January 4, 2009
6:06 pm
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bblue
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ZoeBee - I think you have met yourself - just pushed her to the back of the bus so to speak.

I have not yet found the time and strength to leave.. but he is leaving for work and I am checking out all my options and angles.

I just connected to the actual fact of codependency in November although I was told so in July - I guess I finally accepted it - honestly accepted it..

Baby steps yet - but finally realized they too are steps forward...

Good luck to us all
Blue

BBlue

January 4, 2009
6:09 pm
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CAMER
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your an inspiration (((zoe bee))) thanks for all your wisdom and keep up the great work you are doing for YOU!!!

January 4, 2009
10:17 pm
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readyforachange
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ZoeBee...you are doing so well! Such a positive attitude, and just what I needed to hear today. I'm having kind of a hard day today. I made all kinds of promises to myself about the New Year, but I was just not feeling up to keeping any of them, and I took two steps back today.

Tomorrow will be better, if I make it, right?

I'm struggling lately, with lots of things, actually. Confronted my mother about her treatment of me, and I think that was empowering. Still have to watch that. Told my BF I was codependent, and he's been pretty patient and helpful. Confronted the mother of my daughter's BF, who was abusing her, and even had to confront his psycho dad on the phone, who threatened me. And, I stopped my ex from taking 50% custody of my daughter.

I just keep wondering when things are going to get easier, because I'm exhausted from all of this.

Thanks for giving me a little inspiration tonight....I'm getting weary, and I'm not sure how much longer I can do this...

January 5, 2009
1:54 am
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marple
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I like your new thread, ZoeBee! Hugs to you and hello to BBlue, Camer, and Ready.

Oh, ZB, I know from happy/sad experience how scary it is to leave, but you've done the really hard part. The rest now is just arranging logistics. Well, okay, I just radically oversimplified that, but let's pretend that's kinda it long enough to celebrate the huge step you took. Regardless of what you decide to do in the long run (and do NOT beat yourself up for any of it, I implore you), you took care of yourself, took yourself away to somewhere that benefits you, and I'm delighted to hear you thinking about recovery groups and women's groups...we have so much strength to share.

I once wrote a piece (that's my job) about how one of the strongest bonds we have, when we think of it, is the pain that we share. We may not understand or agree with each others' other life choices, religions, cultures, beliefs, actions, wars, oppressions, but when it comes to losing children or grieving spouses or suffering what life delivers, we all know that. We don't need language or shared values to grasp that pain. We can look on the front page of the paper and not know that woman's name or country but we know that pain as she grieves someone she's lost. There is a certain kind of beauty is knowing each other as human beings on that level. Some days, I cling to that and try to ride the wave of energy of all of us who struggle and try. It's a lifeline, or at least it has been some days to me.

Been where you are right now, ZB, and hugs to you from far away (but close, in a way). Ain't life grand?

January 6, 2009
3:14 am
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marple
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ZoeBee, you are rockin'! I mean, look at where you've come in this short time, my dear! How very smart to take some time to really know what you want to do with that email--I made a post of four ideas a good friend gave me today about codependency and i thought of you. I put them on the "healthy scripts" thread--perhaps they will be a wee bit of help. Congratulations to you for just getting this much closer to YOU.

January 6, 2009
6:09 pm
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bblue
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I am not up on all the internet expressions
but if I have it correct
(((all)))

BBlue

January 6, 2009
6:33 pm
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Zebra
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ZB,

Thank you for this thread. I to shall walk again. I am starting to move forward and it is very painful, but in some ways a big relief.

My X so badly wants to be friends and I don't necessarily hate him, but not sure if I am ready for any kind of friendship with him. He hurt me to deeply and I don't want to right now. I have told him this. He still trys and I think he always will, so what do I do? I MOVE FORWARD, I BECOME THE BETTER PERSON, I BECOME WHOLE AND SAFE ANYWAY.

I love me. Z

January 7, 2009
12:30 am
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marple
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ZB, I wrote to you on the other thread, but here too I wanted to leave ((Zoe)) and tell you I'm so proud of you. Regardless of what you do next, you did this right now for yourself. You are taking this classes, you are staying with people who love you, you are getting loved up and refilled and recharged. Huzzah!!

January 9, 2009
12:27 pm
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marple
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((ZoeBee)) I'm glad to see this note from you; I was going to ask for an update. So have you decided to answer the email or let it go? How is it going being away?

January 9, 2009
12:45 pm
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camino
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ZB, the strength is in you, keep on walking tall!!!

January 15, 2009
5:33 pm
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marple
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I look for you in the threads, ZoeBee, and I love your en thusiasm and your honesty.

I am working, too, and you are helping me by just being out there, my dear.

It's easier for me now because I truly do not care about him any more. It's different for you because you love him.

Letting go sounds good because it will take his effort to make it come back! And you deserve that.

January 15, 2009
9:59 pm
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marple
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ZoeBee, some hopeful signs there! And good for you for just staying calm and clear. (Slightly evil of me to enjoy this, but sometimes it does look like my husband's head is about to explode when I just don't take the bait).

If you are changed and stay changed, it can't be the same. No matter what he does or doesn't do. You go!

I am not thinking of myself as someone in a loveless marriage as much as a single person with a (rather odd) roommate. In fact, these days, I'm not thinking about it much at all. I am focused on work, and on the kids, who have some big challenges to their health. My husband, i think, wonders why I'm not probing and asking and following him around trying to make conversation and life happen. I'm not doing it; I am done. I feel neutral. And done. I cannot suck my friends into "oh, let's try to figure him out" anymore, either. They are terrific and deserve better than that boring routine. And so do I.

I just want to say "Oops, this isn't working for me' and leave him to figure out what that means and what he can do. I totally assume he'll do nothing. Luckily, I have lots of other things in my life on which to focus.

Love and hugs to you, my friend.

January 15, 2009
11:07 pm
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ZoeBee- One rotten apple can ruin a barrel of apples. But a barrel of good apples cannot make one rotten apple better.

January 16, 2009
2:18 pm
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_anonymous
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Zoe- What I wrote was using apples as an analogy. One can take it literally or apply to whatever they choose. I never said you were a good apple or a rotten apple or an apple for that matter.

You wrote a post and mentioned your husbands lies and him taking his own trash to the street, living in a loveless marriage, etc.

You also wrote about all the good things you are doing for yourself.

Sounds like the word "Apple" triggered some bad memories for you.

Just to let you know if you want to talk about religion the place to do it is on the Liberation Brew side it is not allowed here so it will be against the Guidelines for me to comment on it on the support site.

January 16, 2009
2:34 pm
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Help....

One of the lessons I find myself in need of learning is this ...

To not accept behaviour from someone that I know I would not , could not do to them because of how I care not only about them, but also about myself.

I guess when all is said and done we cannot give away something that isn't already in us.

ZoeBee and Destinystar, ...

You both mean a lot to me and I feel I am learning a lot from both of you and the journey you share. Can I come to play too??

January 17, 2009
10:39 am
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_anonymous
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Little spirit- I started another thread with your nick name on it.

January 17, 2009
10:39 am
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_anonymous
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Little spirit- I started another thread with your nick name on it.

January 17, 2009
10:41 am
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Zoe- Sounds like you have a plan. I am confident it will all work out.

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